Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends, we're so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside!
Okay, so it just SEEMS like it never ends, as last week they left us hanging, with a to be continued... I hate when they do that on any show, but especially on reality shows. If you want to know what happened on part one of this leg, read Waywyrd's great recap here.
We now rejoin this leg, already in progress...
We're back in Helsinki, Finland at that crazy rappel-down-the-extremely-high-building-face-first point. That is where the race would end for me, I would never ever do that. But I'm not racing, am I? Why do they go down in their socks? For traction? So they don't leave shoe prints on the building? Why?
Tyler's already on the ground, as James is prancing down the building. James says "That is the freakiest thing I've ever done in my entire life." Dude, you were a junkie, you probably shot up between your toes! I think putting poison in your body is pretty daggone freaky. Anyway, they finish and get a clue....to keep racing!
Clue - Keep racing! In 1986, the world's worst nuclear accident happened at reactor 4 in Chernobyl. Fly to this country's capital city. They have to figure out that Chernobyl is in the former Soviet Republic of the Ukraine, and that the captial city is Kiev. It's a 1900 mile flight. Then they must find a marked car in the airport parking lot.
Dustin & Kandice are now doing the rappel, also know as an "angel dive". I guess that's because if you fall, you'll be with the angels? While they're doing it, the Chos, team Alabama and Rob & Kimberly are all racing around trying to FIND the tower to rappel from. Alabama finds it first, then Rob & Kimberly and Erwin & Godwin. Dustin & Kandice get their clue, and one of them says "Where is Chernobyl?" and the other answers "I know it's where the atomic bomb went off" and the other says "yeah!" And they'll take "Horrific disasters of the 20th century" for $100, Alex! [/sarcasm] Sheesh. Did they NOT just read the clue saying "nuclear accident"? The atomic bomb was no accident, just ask Japan! Bah, this concludes my grumblings on that subject.
Lyn & Karlyn finish the face-first plummet next, and one of them wonders where the Chos are, while the other says "we are we worried about Chos?" Then they say they have an alliance with them as far as sharing information, but they're all going to run for it. Somehow I think they mean they're in an alliance as long as THEY need help, but if it's the other way around, forget it. Once the Chos finish, they seem surprised that Alabama left without them.
Airport! With all of the excitement of...an airport.
Tyler & James get to the airport, and get the first flight to Kiev, through Vienna, leaving at 8:25 the next morning, and landing at 1:35 PM. Dustin & Kandice arrive right on their heels and secure the same flight. Rob & Kimberly get there and find out information about a flight leaving at 9:25 the next morning through Warsaw, but also landing at 1:35 PM. They cannot purchase the tickets until 6:00 AM, though. The Chos and Alabama get on the same flight as Rob & Kimberly, and it ends up getting delayed by 30 minutes.
Tyler & James and Dustin & Kandice find the very old-looking marked cars in the parking lot in Kiev. They read a clue, which I cannot possibly put into the correct symbols here, because I am too lazy to find out how to do that on this keyboard, but the beauty queens translate it as "takabakawaka". Hee. They are to figure out that their destination is the Oster Tank School, 58 miles away. Both teams decide to split the money to pay a cab to guide them there as they follow. Rob & Kimberly get the same idea, and pay a taxi to lead the way. The Chos have a map, and ask someone directions. Lyn & Karlyn decide to follow them. The Chos have no idea where they're going, and try the "hire a cab to guide them" trick, but none of the cabs seem to know where it is. So the Chos stop. And they stop. And they stop again. Lyn & Karlyn get more and more aggravated. I have to admit, I'd get aggravated, too.
Meanwhile, Dustin & Kandice and Tyler & James have followed their speedy taxi and reached the tank school, and the roadblock!
Roadblock Who's ready to take command? In this roadblock, one person must drive a Soviet tank through a 1.2 mile obstacle course. Once completed, they'll receive their next clue. This roadblock looks like a bunch of fun! I can think of all kinds of things/people I'd love to crush with a tank! Dustin and James are going to drive the tanks for their respective teams. Dustin kicks butt at tank-driving, and James manages to run into her tank. James also manages to soak himself with a bunch of mud-goo when he drives through a big puddle. They both finish, and get their next clue.
Clue Drive yourselves back to the city of Kiev. They have to find a certain apartment building, then apartment 33, where the occupant will give them their next clue.
As they are leaving, they see Rob & Kimberly. Tyler & James point them in the right direction for the tank school. Kim drives the tank, and I am sorely disappointed that she doesn't run over Rob with it. We've never had a TAR homicide. It's about time! They have kept their taxi waiting to lead them to the next place, and soon they're speeding back to Kiev. At least, they are for a while, but their car breaks down and they get a replacement. This ensures maximum complaining and arguing from the pair.
Lyn & Karlyn and Erwin & Godwin get to the roadblock. Lyn is driving the tank, as is Godwin. Godwin practically drowns himself in the puddle, but finishes first. They decide to wait for team Alabama, but Alabama comments that they don't know why they wait for them. Cut them loose, Chos! This is a race! We get it, you are kind guys, but really, you're entering doormat territory here! They head out, and once again, the Chos stop every five seconds to ask directions, angering Lyn & Karlyn.
The beauty queens try to lose Tyler & James at a red light, but Tyler & James plow through it and keep up. They all get to Kiev, find the right building and apartment, and get their clue.
Move over Vanilla Ice, there's a new sucky rapper in town...
Detour - Make the music or find the music. In make the music, they must travel 3 miles to a hip-hop club and write and perform a rap song that will include the names of all the countries they've visited so far. Their judge is Kiev's top rap artist, and once he's approved their show he'll give them their next clue. In find the music they must travel 2.5 miles to the National Music Academy of the Ukraine. Once there, they have to search through thousands of pieces of music to find Tchaikovsky's Concert Fantasy. Then they must search through hundreds of rooms for one of 6 pianists waiting to perform the piece. Once they have, they'll give them their next clue.
Dustin & Kandice decide to rap, while Tyler & James choose to find the music. Dustin & Kandice find the Dance and Groove club, and Kandice laments that she wishes she knew how to act like a rapper, and Dustin tells her to stick her hands in her pants. If they stick their hands in their pants this might turn into a non-PG rated recap! Plus, the few rappers I've seen don't actually stick their hands in their pants, they just constantly grab their stuff to see if it's still there. "Still there, Little Man? Yo, still there, we got a party to go to after this!" Or they have crabs. Maybe some of them do stick their hands in their pants. Maybe that's how Kid 'n Play got their name. (lame, lame 90's rap joke. What? You didn't see "House Party?") Oookay, so...Dustin & Kandice put on these outfits that are supposed to be authentic rap gear. Somehow I don't see Snoop or Fitty wearing this stuff, but the girls are working it, and have even turned their hats sideways, in rap solidarity.
In other costume changes, Tyler & James have to dress in tuxedos to find the music. It seems these females are helping them get dressed, and I wonder what's up with that? I guess all piano and no play makes Tatyana a dull girl. After they feel up the fine American ex-junkies, the boys quickly find the music, find the pianist, and get the next clue.
Clue - Drive yourselves to the next pitstop, Patriotic War Memorial. The last team to check in may be eliminated!
Rob & Kimberly find apartment 33, and get the clue, and pick "make music" to rap. They stop a couple who Kimberly thinks "looks hip" to find out where the hip-hop club is. They convince the hip couple to go with the taxi driver to find the place quickly. Meanwhile, the Chos are still stopping every five minutes asking directions, and for whatever reason, Alabama is still following right behind them. It seems they'd rather follow them and complain than take off on their own. But wait! They "make a run for it" as the Chos say, and it even makes Godwin say "hell". Lyn & Karlyn say the Chos need to learn to run their own race. You two weren't exactly saying that when they were useful to you, were you? Hypocrites! They end up finding apartment 33 at the same time, and both Alabama and Erwin & Godwin choose "make the music", but the Chos can't find the studio, so end up making do with "find the music". Darn! I was hoping that the Chos would rap, because "Chos" rhymes with "hos" and it might have been funny. Meh.
This is where the show goes into super-fast timewarp mode, which it is prone to do, and it makes me dizzy. Rob & Kimberly rap, and get their clue. They keep their hip Ukrainian couple with them for the race to the pitstop. Tyler & James are driving up to the War Memorial. Dustin & Kandice are driving up to the War Memorial. Karlyn writes the rap for her team in the car in five minutes, so they're ahead of the game a bit. Once there, she and Lyn seem to have a lot of fun with the rap, and it makes me think of Flavor Flav. It's the most fun I've seen them have on the race, and the clubgoers really enjoy them. The Chos are really bummed that they have to settle for the conservatory, but get there, put on their penguin suits, find the music, and get their clue. Both teams are headed for the pitstop. Godwin manages to drive onto a closed street, and he has to get out, show all of their documents, and it really puts them behind. They start hitting the mat...
1. Tyler & James - winning a trip to Mexico, where they get to swim with the Travelocity gnome. Oh, and dolphins.
2. Dustin & Kandice
3. Rob & Kimberly
4. Lyn & Karlyn
5. Erwin & Godwin
The Chos leave with grace and dignity, praising their friendships. They seem like really nice guys, but nice isn't really an asset in the Amazing Race. I wish them well, and wonder if they'll actually keep in touch with Lyn & Karlyn.
Next week on the Amazing Race: a yield! Ooh, will it be used? I can hardly wait!
Do YOU know Vanilla Ice's real name? I wish I didn't. contact email@example.com