Well isn’t this special. Tonight we were all fortunate enough to witness one of the most boneheaded moves ever seen on The Amazing Race. It was probably the worst move this season, right up there with a certain Survivor who got himself booted while in possession of not one, but two immunity idols *cough*James*cough*. Add to this some problems with reading comprehension and a few misplaced receipts, and you have a team that threw away their chance at being in the final four. And totally ruined my chances of seeing a certain blonde blow a gasket in fury when she got eliminated. Thanks a lot!
Bumbling Through Mumbai
Poor, poor Nick. He laments that he’s running the race with a 70 year old man and must look out for him because he doesn’t know his own limitations. I think he’s doing pretty damn well for an old coot, even though he is looking a bit run down. Nick isn’t looking too fresh himself this evening as they read their next clue, directing them to travel almost 4000 miles to Mumbai, India, where they will travel by auto-rickshaw to a particular newsstand. Here they will search a local paper for an ad telling them what to do next. Neat idea!
After finding a place where they call in an order for plane tickets (leaving Italy at 6:50am, arriving in Mumbai at 10:35pm), Nick and Don head back to the hotel for some more shuteye. Nate and Jen are just getting started around midnight, with Jen admitting how disgusting and embarrassing their behavior has been. Nate says their relationship is on an upswing, which only means one thing: another huge blowup coming soon! Yeah, we all know your tricks by now, editors. Same goes for Ron, who hopes that being in this “Renaissance city” will lead to him becoming a new man who doesn’t berate his poor daughter at every turn. Uh huh. Look for some more asshattery from Ron after that little statement.
The teams all rush to the airport only to find that it’s closed. Except for Nick and Don, who are still snoozing, of course. Once it opens it’s a footrace to the ticket counters, with Jen almost running Rachel down in an effort to catch up to Nate. Kynt and Vyxsin head off to a different line as Jen sneers that “the Pinks” are up to their usual mischief, buzzing around different counters. Yes, Jen, it’s called looking for the best flight. Twit.
Nick and Don show up, well rested, and pick up their reserved tickets as the other teams scramble for the same flight. Nate and Jen and Ron and Christina get it - but the Goths and TK and Rachel are stuck on different flights. Kynt puts on a show for TK and Rachel, hoping to fool them into thinking he’s all upset over their flight time. It seems to work. The first flight ends up being delayed, allowing the Goths to get to Mumbai first at 10:30pm. The original flight lands around 11pm, and TK and Rachel get there at 1am. After a late night rickshaw race through the city, the teams all hit the newsstand.
The damn thing is closed until 6am.
Getting Funky in India
There must be something really rank in the streets of Mumbai, as several team members have tied cloths over their mouths and noses to cut down on the funk. Jen even makes a comment about the smell. Once the stand opens, the teams all grab a paper and split it up between team members to hunt for the ad. Except for the dysfunctional duo of Nate and Jen, who spend more time arguing over how to do it instead of actually looking in the freaking paper. Nick and Don peep over at other teams, hoping to get a glimpse of which section the ad is in if someone else finds it. Vyxsin finds it first, then Ron and TK. Jen squeals and jumps on the paper as a little dog attacks her from behind, barking and jumping on her as Nate hollers for her to calm down. It’s no use - animals can sense evil, Jen. They know.
After a whole lot of wrong turns by clueless rickshaw drivers (you’d think these guys would know their own city), Nick and Don end up getting to the tailor first, opening their clue to find a Detour: Paste ‘em or Thread ‘em. Teams can choose to paste a six-panel Bollywood movie poster on a wall or thread flowers into a traditional wedding garland. Nick and Don choose to paste, since Don used to be in the printing business. Is there anything this guy hasn’t done?!
Ron and Christina go to paste also, and it doesn’t take long for him to start screaming at her. “Don’t be so cheap with the paste!” he yells. When the inspector tells him his poster is crooked, Ron starts hollering at him, too. Gee, Ron, not too smart to yell at the guy holding your next clue. “Daddy, you piss off the judge and we’re through,” pleads Christina. Ron shuts his yap and lets her take over. Rachel the florist chooses the flowers, of course, and zips the garland together in no time.
Kynt and Vyxsin run across their Speedbump now - they must go perform a series of “complex” yoga poses. Kynt looks forward to the yoga break, making salacious comments about Vyxsin contorting her ample figure into the various poses. I feel...skeeved out. I’m sorry, but these two have all the sexual chemistry of a lump of Play-doh. Meanwhile, Nate and Jen have finally found the ad and head over to thread flowers as Jen frets that she’s in last place, saying the Goths have some kind of supernatural powers and are probably done with the Speedbump.
Right she is, as the Goths are on their way to thread flowers in their black rickshaw. Kynt and Vyxsin make some strange comments about how comfy and “coffin-like” it is. Come on, guys, that was sooo scripted. The Goths arrive as Nate is ripping on Jen for not knowing how to string flowers. “I don’t understand how you can’t do this, Jen, you’re a girl!” he whines. “I don’t understand how you couldn’t row a boat. You’re a guy,” she retorts. Burn! As much as I hate to, I have to side with Jen. What a stupid, sexist comment that was from Nate. They continue the childishness as the Goths listen on in amusement.
The Bickersons barely finish before the Goths, but Jen loses a few minutes trying to hand the garland off to an elephant instead of the bridegroom like she was supposed to. Classic.
It’s a Gas, Gas, Gas
TK and Rachel reach the next clue, and the last U-Turn of the game. They refuse it, and head on to the next task, a Roadblock involving delivery of six propane gas tanks on a rickety old bike. Nick and Don also pass it by, but Ron and Christina say that they would have used it on Nick and Don if they had beaten them to it.
TK, Nick the Navigator, and Hernia Ron take on the Roadblock. Nick immediately goes to the wrong apartment, but corrects himself and is impressed to see manly man TK taking two tanks at a time to Nick’s one. Poor Ron has enlisted the help of a local for directions, but the guy just parks his butt on top of the tanks and directs him right back to the starting point. “I think he just wants to ride,” growls Ron as useless guy hops off. TK finishes as a sweaty Nick struggles. He’s not looking too well.
It’s a nailbiter of a cab ride between the Goths and Nate and Jen to the U-Turn, but the Goths barely beat them. Vyxsin thinks Nate and Jen might be the only team behind them, so Kynt the Clueless decides to U-Turn....Nick and Don. Who are way ahead of them, making the U-Turn useless. Yes, he chose the team that they haven’t seen since the newspaper task instead of the team they just left behind at the Detour. His reasoning was that Nick and Don are usually at the back of the pack. Never mind that sound, it’s just me banging my head on my keyboard.
Nate and Jen and the Goths arrive at the Roadblock, and Kynt and Jen (huh?) decide to lug the tanks. Kynt crashes into walls until a passerby shows him the brake on his bike, and Jen manhandles the tanks surprisingly well. Kynt hogs the elevator at one apartment, sending Jen into a fit. Not only does he fill up the elevator with his tanks, leaving her no room, but he leaves the door open when he gets to the top so it won’t return downstairs. She hollers up at him to close it, but he ignores her. Jen then stomps upstairs to close it herself, realizing she forgot to get one of her receipts from the other building.
Kynt finishes just as Jen and Nate are heading off to the Pit Stop, but the checker tells Kynt that he has the receipts wrong. While he runs back to the apartments to get the paperwork straight, Nate and Jen are running around frantically after getting bad directions to the Pit Stop at the Bandra Fort, a 16th century fortress. A dehydrated, green-looking Nick has to tell his cab to pull over so he can throw up on the side of the road, as Nate and Jen and the Goths race to come in fourth....
1st - TK and Rachel, winning a five night trip to St. Maarten.
2nd - Nick and Don
3rd - Ron and Christina
4th - Nate and Jen
Eliminated - Kynt and Vyxsin
“Sad to see you go, guys,” says Phil as he gives the Goths the bad news. They perk up when Phil tells them that they win the award for most fashionable team ever on the Amazing Race, however. “We won something!” says Kynt with a grin. As exotic as they look, Kynt says, “they’re still just a couple of Goth kids from Louisville, Kentucky.” Vyxsin appreciates having had the opportunity to see different cultures and countries. Hate to see you go, guys.
Next week: grandpa Don runs out of steam and TK and Rachel go missing. Think there's another non-elimination leg coming up?