I had always wondered why women didn’t rule the world. I’d heard the whole “PMS” argument. Laughed at the “Too Emotional” argument. Rolled my eyes at the whole “Second Class Citizens for all that time” argument. I wondered sometimes for full minutes before my PMS made me go from laughing to crying. I’d think about it while barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. It wasn’t until last night when Jonathon dropped his little pearl of wisdom that I got my long sought after answer. Women don’t rule the world because they can’t hold a cab.
I’m happy to have helped enlighten you.
Last night we went from crashing gates to eating puke. What a wild ride. I’m back to my old format, and decided I’d put the teams in the order they left leg 5. Remember leg 5? That was last year man!
Sorry. I always have to get a couple of those “Last Year” jokes in. If just to watch my daughter roll her eyes… ahhh. Feels good.
I’ll get this party started with:
When we last left the players, most were waiting outside of the Internet Café. When the doors opened at 10pm contestants were allowed to enter to retrieve the next clue in a huge commercial for AOL and some Cintreno laptop computer thing. Advertising is often lost on me. My apologies.
So anyway, teams must open their AOL mail account and read the email telling them to proceed to the Heritage Rail Museum, where they need to ride on a Braisine to get the next clue. The museum opens at 10am. EQUALIZER! Once teams have reached the museum they have to grab a number off of a board placed near the Braisine. This is the order in which they will ride to the clue.
This envelope includes not only directions to the next route marker, but also the first of three Fast Forwards in the race. If a team decides to go for the fast forward they will need to get to the Budava’ri Labirintus, make their way to the basement and partake in a ritual from Hungarian folklore. Seems that Transylvania was once a part of Hungary, so the contestants will need to drink a goblet of pig’s blood to get the clue for the Pit Stop.
If teams don’t opt for the Fast Forward, they are directed to go 7 miles to an island where the next marker can be found at the main entrance of the Nemzeti Sportuszoda.
The clue here is the Detour, which has teams choosing between Swim and Paddle. If a team chooses Swim they will have to change into bathing suits (provided), and play water polo against a supposedly great team. Once they score against this supposedly good team, they receive the clue. If they choose Paddle they will need to use a hand pump to blow up a raft, then paddle it across the Danube river to get the clue.
Once the Detour is completed, teams are sent to the Gundal Restaurant where they are given the Roadblock. They must decide which one wants to “spice up their lives”. Once decided, that player must eat 24 ounces of extremely spicy Hungarian soup, while listening to really loud Hungarian music. The soup must be finished, and they must use the little spoon provided. When the bowl is empty the restaurateur will hand them the clue with directions to the Pit Stop. When they arrive teams can either climb the steps to the top of the huge hill, or ride in a funicular. This looks like an enclosed ski lift/gondola on tracks that takes them up the hill. Either way puts them in sprinting distance of Phil. The last team to arrive may be eliminated.
And away we go
Freddy and Kendra
These two are one of the first teams to get into the Café. They have no problem getting the mail, and head out to get a cab. They manage to steal Jonathon’s. If by steal I mean that they saw an empty cab and got in. The next morning, after what I assume is a fitful night’s sleep they wait for the gate to open at the museum. As soon as it starts to raise they bolt through... or in Freddy’s case into, the gate. Well, this truly ticks Freddy off. He’s a model you know! If he doesn’t have his face, he doesn’t have anything. He is enraged and starts screaming at all the other players. He demands to know who pulled the gate down on him. He vows vengeance on the person who dared to do this to him. I pause my TV to get a good look at his face, and honestly I see nothing. I do see a vein on his neck about to burst, but he’s not blaming the gate for that. The two have wound up with some number for the Draisine, and while they wait their turn Freddy complains about his face. He say’s it’s really hurting him. It’s been killin’ me for weeks, but you don’t hear me complaining. At the Detour they opt for Swim and even with the terrible wound consuming his face, they manage to score quickly. Once they reach the Roadblock Freddy decides that the gate incident didn’t spice up his life enough, and he will eat the soup. He is doing a fine job until Kendra decides to have him look under the table. You see, she’s fascinated by the fact that some other teams had been there already and left puddles of puke on the floor. Seeing this makes Freddy vomit too. Unfortunately some of his vomit (about 4 ounces according to him) winds up back in his bowl. If you watch the Amazing Race regularly, you know that teams MUST complete the task at hand before getting the clue. Kendra cries loudly while Freddy eats his own regurgitation. She is so sorry he has to do it. I figure she should be sorry she made him look at the puke. With the Spicy Vomit Soup finished the two head off for the Pit Stop they skip the funicular and run the whole way arriving…
Jonathon and Victoria
There was more to these two than I am willing to include. I have been giving the editors/Producers of The Amazing Race a hard time for all the screen time these two get. I refuse to then give them Cap time too. Just know that anytime I write that Jonathon said something mean, he probably repeated it 11 times, and sounded worse than I could ever convey. He starts the night yelling at Victoria about not holding the cab after they received the clue at the Café. Forget the fact that the museum won’t open for close to 12 hours and is only THREE MILES AWAY, she should have held that cab! He calls her stupid and says that because of this they will lose the race. He tells her to shut up. The next morning in the cab, with a cabbie that speaks English, Jon makes an ass out of himself by speaking loudly and pantomiming that they need to get to the museum. The two are pretty quiet during Gategate, until Jonathon tries to quiet Freddy down. God forbid someone else be louder than Jonathon. They ride the Draisine to the next clue and opt for the Swim portion of the Detour. When they read the clue they both decide on swim… yet Jonathon has to scream at Victoria anyway about the fact that he’s not able to pump up a boat or something. I would have thought all those dolls in High School would have made that the perfect choice. Oh Well. I shudder when I realize that Jonathon will be donning a Speedo, but thank God that he doesn’t take off his undies and jump in the pool as he threatened to do. They score on the supposedly good water polo team in short order and head off for the next clue. At the restaurant Jonathon decides immediately that Victoria will perform the task. He then spends a good 17 hours yelling at her. She pukes, he yells “Drama Queen”. The band plays and he yells at them “SHUT UP”. She pukes, he yells “You’re not doing this right”, the band starts to play again, and he orders them to “Shut up”. She pukes. She cries. He yells. Victoria is able to finish and they married couple head off for the Pit Stop. They are sharing the Funicular with some woman and Jonathon is screaming at her that she needs to stay the hell out of the way because they are in a race and he’ll run her over when the doors open. What the woman hears is “ Blah, blah, yada, Imanass, blah, yada, ping pong pong” They exit the funicular and race towards the Pit Stop. Victoria, who had just a few moments ago eaten some soup… starts crying about not being able to run. Jon screams at her not to get to the Pit Stop crying again. They arrive…
Hayden and Aaron
Or as Kris likes to call them Ayden and Haaron. I find that funny because I have an Uncle Paul and Aunt Judy, I often call them Jaul and Pudy. I don’t know why. I also don’t know why I’m sharing that with you. Perhaps it’s the fact that these two were not only scarce this week, but boring as hell when they did get screen time. Hayden was boring and uptight as they received their email. She was uptight on the walk to the hotel. Aaron tried to be fun, but it seems as though Hayden brought him down. She couldn’t even bring herself to enjoy Freddy’s tantrum, or the Draisine ride. At the Detour the two opt for Swim. Aaron scores quickly and goes on for a while about what a fantastic Water Polo player he is. Hayden is uptight. Once at the restaurant it’s up to Aaron to perform the Roadblock and he does a decent job eating the soup even while others around him are vomiting. They head off for the Pit Stop arriving…
Kris and Jon
HA! I will take full credit for these two finally getting a little more airtime. Remember, it’s all about ME! and I know that the editors have read my recaps and hurriedly pulled some screen time from others in order to make ME! happy. The two are just too cute while retrieving the email, and we learn that Kris misses AOL. She’s a good little commercial that one. She probably has Net Zero at home. They walk hand in hand to the hotel where they will be spending the night waiting for the museum to open. They enjoy the scenery as they walk and comment on the local architecture. In the morning the two head off for the museum and are through the gate quickly. They arrive at the number board at the same time as another team, and Jon, in his haste to get a good number collides with another contestant sending not only the two of them down, but the number board too. Kris and Jon laugh. As the Draisine pulls away Kris comments that it’s Vibratey and she really enjoys the ride. So much so in fact, that she wants to go again. They do relinquish the ride to the next team and head out of the museum, where they manage to catch a cab right away. At the Detour they opt for Swim and Kris is thrilled, as are many other women, and a few men I’m sure, at the fact that Jon will be changing into a Speedo. Yes, he looks good. They score quickly and I begin to think that this supposedly good water polo team really isn’t that good. Once at the Road Block Jon offers to spice up his life… seems Kris got to spice hers up on the Draisine… Chill out… I’m kidding! Jon does a great job with the soup, even though he wound up with Victoria next to him, Jonathon behind him, and the musicians all around him. I guess he could tune the others out and concentrate on the back rub he was getting from Kris. He does inform the chef that perhaps next time he (the chef) should hold back just a tad on the spices. He finished his soup and the two headed off for the Pit Stop. Taking the Funicular up the mountain was just another chance for the two of them to marvel at all the sights they are lucky enough to be seeing. They step off the Funicular and run to the mat arriving…
Gus and Hera
While other teams seem upset at the fact that the museum won’t open until 10am, Gus is looking forward to a good nights sleep. Both he and Hera seem ready when the gate opens at the museum. Unfortunately Hera is very close to the hinged end, and when the gate comes crashing down it lands on her head. Hard. The producers saw fit to show the gate falling 3-4 times. I saw fit to watch it in slo-mo. Hera had reason to complain, yet she chose not to. In fact, the only time the incident was mentioned was when Gus told Freddy that Hera had been hit, and when other teams sought Hera out to ask if she was OK. Father and daughter ride the Draisine and get the clue without complaining. After reading the choices at the Detour the pair decide to Paddle. I love Gus, I think he’s a wonderful man who has learned a great deal about himself and his daughter on this race. He seems wonderful, and I bet he gives one hell of a great hug. I’m glad he didn’t have to wear the Speedo. The two seem to do a great job pumping up the raft, and Gus seems to know how to use the currents, even if the paddling is still hard. They reach the shore in what seems like a respectable time. They catch a cab to the Roadblock and Gus is up for some soup eatin’. He downs the bowl without visible problems, but does break into a sweat while on the way to the Pit Stop. After riding the Funicular he has a little trouble running, but they do jog to the mat, arriving…
Adam and Rebecca
Adam is having trouble in A O Hell, and Rebecca thinks he is retarded. I hate that word. Just thought I’d share. After reading the email Adam wants to go eat with Rebecca and get romantic somewhere. Rebecca wants to hang out with Hayden, Aaron, Kris and Jon. She is convinced that it’s because of Adam that people don’t want to hang out with them. She declares herself very fun to hang out with. Adam tries to convince Rebecca to be romantic with him, but he learns, with millions of people watching, that she is “So Over” being with him at all. She realizes, after seeing Hayden and Aaron and Kris and Jon that they (she and Adam) don’t have a healthy relationship. I have no idea if she changed her mind at the hotel, but the next morning they both seem rather chipper. They wait at the gate to the museum and stay out of the bru-ha-ha. Both of them seem to find enjoyment in the Draisine. If they weren’t romantic last night, maybe the vibratiness of the ride helped Adam feel better. When the choice is made to Swim at the Detour, I smile when Rebecca runs to the pool area claiming that she’ll need to don a Speedo. Now I know Speedo is a brand name, but I swear she thought she had to wear the men’s bikini… maybe for just a second, but she thought it. Again I am stunned at just how bad the supposedly good Water Polo team is when these two score within seconds of entering the pool. Later at the Road Block Rebecca steps up to the plate… or bowl as the case may be, and downs that soup faster than… faster than… faster than a really fast soup eater. Damn I suck at this simile/metaphor crap…any way, she ate it fast, I’m not sure she took the time to realize it was spicy. At least not on the way down, but perhaps on the way back up when she vomited upon leaving the restaurant. These two again have fun and enjoy themselves on the funicular, which to Adam’s surprise was not a two person bike. When they reached the top of the hill they seemed to stumble upon some changing of the guard activity that Rebecca wanted to watch. Adam promised to bring her back to see it after they checked in. The on again/off again daters ran to the Pit Stop arriving…
Lori and Bolo
When we last saw our wrestling couple they were stranded at the train station in the rain. They were told the next train would not leave until something like 9 or 10 am (it was last year, give me a break). For some reason Bolo decided to ask someone else and they learned of a train departing at 2:55am. On the train they worry about their placement in the race. Even after the train arrives and they learn they are going to the Internet Café, they still worry and are sure they Café is closed. Luckily (again) they decide to stop by anyway, and are thrilled to see it open. They are even more thrilled to know that the museum won’t open for a few more hours, and that the others would have to wait too. Instead of finding a hotel they go strait to the museum and wait on a bench outside. Other teams start arriving, and all of them wait at the gate for 10am. If you’ve been reading you will know that the gate came down caused permanent damage to Freddy’s face, and gave Hera a big ol’ bump on the noggin’. For some reason, even though Freddy was spazzing out in all directions, Lori felt as though he was blaming her and Bolo for the Gate Crash. She was very defensive and got all up in Freddy’s grill wanting to know why he blamed them. I guess we could have missed something, but I found it all rather bizarre. They were among the first teams to the board, and it was Bolo and Jon that went crashing into the umber board. Some how Bolo still managed to find and grab the number one, and He and Lori were quick to get on the Draisine. Lori was still complaining about Freddy blaming them, but Bolo is over it and enjoying the ride. These two waste no time in deciding to do the Fast Forward. They hop off the Draisine and grab a cab to take them to the Budava’ri Labirintus. It seems as though they have bad luck with cabs as of late, and it takes them a long time to find the right place. On the way Bolo is thrilled about being in first place, but Lori is insistent that they not get too cocky. She figures you are not in first place until you step on the matt. This is bringing Bolo down, and he claims Lori is the most optimistic person he’s ever met. I’m just reporting the facts people. I am sure that the powers-that-be at both CBS and The Amazing Race were severely disappointed at how this well thought out Fast Forward went. The two found the Druid monk looking dude, grabbed a goblet each, made sure that they had to drink it, and downed the blood without a second thought. They grabbed the clue and ran out of the maze like basement. Back in the cab Loris is again worried about where they are in the race. Bolo is only worried about the fact that the cab rides take a lot longer than he would have imagined. They head for the Pit Stop reaching the matt (where Lori deems it necessary to bite Phil on the neck)…
The Pit Stop
1. Lori and Bolo garnering themselves a vacation to Europe
2. Kris and Jon
3. Jonathon and Victoria
4. Hayden and Aaron
5. Adam and Rebecca
6. Freddy and Kendra
Meaning that the wonderful team of Gus and Hera step onto the matt last this week. They had a great race and will be missed by many. I was truly hoping to have Gus stick around and show us some super-secret-CIA death hold… preferably on Jonathon. I wish them both the best in all they do and honestly enjoyed “getting to know them” if only for a short time.
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