Finally, my TAR is back. I know it’s only been two weeks, but still. Sunday nights just aren’t the same without my Phil fix. I could have really done without the way too long recap of the Brent/Caite/Brandy/Carol drama at the beginning of the show, however. And really, does anyone care at this point to hear more about the tiara tiff, and all the “mean lesbians” nonsense? I’m over it.
Movin’ on. This week, teams trek from Singapore to Shanghai, China, flying over 2300 miles. Pre-leg confessions: Caite gives a heartfelt apology for U-Turning Carol and Brandy - I’m sure she meant it. Really. *snort* She’s also quite proud of herself for being the last woman standing. Go Caite? Jet and Cord crush the hopes of fangirls everywhere as they announce that Jet is already married with a little one, and Cord just got engaged before the Race, and they miss their respective loved ones. Aww. Louie and Michael spout something about being underdogs and being awesome and “People should fear us!” Okay then. The only thing I’m fearing is Louie keeling over before the Race is done.
At the airport, all four teams chow down on McDonald’s as they wait for their flight and rehash for the bazillionth time The Turning of Carol and Brandy. I don’t know which is more nauseating, the McCrap they’re eating or the never ending discussion of a team I’d rather forget about. Dan and Jordan insist - privately, of course - that it was a bad, bad idea to U-Turn those two for personal issues and not use it on the cowboys. Foreshadowing? I hope so.
After the flight and the obligatory foot race to the taxis, Jet, Cord, Brent and Caite are on the way to the next clue, where adorable boats await to take them to the Roadblock. Louie and Michael get a driver that speaks no English, while Dan and Jordan continue their tradition of picking the worst taxis within a 500 mile radius - their guy couldn’t find his own ass with two hands and a map.
Meanwhile, Jet and Cord are enjoying the leisurely boat ride through the city’s canals. Jet later called the ride tranquil, which sends Cord for a loop. Jet has to explain to his confuzzled brother what “tranquil” means. Cord’s too cute to poke fun at, so I’ll let it be. Brent, on the other hand, compares his surroundings to Sicily. Er, no. I’m sure he meant Venice. Right? Let's hope so.
While the brothers and the detectives are still bumbling around with their inept drivers, the first two teams come to the Roadblock. Which is: making noodles! Lots of ‘em. 1000 grams of acceptable noodles must be made by hand before teams get their next clue. And the clue will be handed out by the world’s smallest man, Pingping, who seems to be smoking the world’s largest cigarette while he waits. Caite thinks he’s the cutest thing ever, while Jet laughs that “if he jumped out of your trash can, he’d scare you to death!”
So Caite attempts to make some noodles, manhandling the poor things and making a mess. Brent watches, trying to tell her to be gentler - she responds with a not-so-loving “Shut up, Brent!” He mutters that he’ll never ask her to make homemade spaghetti. Jet, on the other hand, is spinning and twisting the dough to perfection, dusting the noodles with flour (that was the trick) and handily piling up enough to earn the next clue. “Whoop that pasta!” Cord hoots from the sidelines. I heart these guys.
After getting help from an English speaking local, Louie and Michael and Dan and Jordan finally find the Roadblock. Jordan is amazed at Jet’s “magic noodle making hands,” (I am so not touching that line) as Italian Louie thinks he’ll be a natural at making noodles. Mmm, not so much. But at least he gets the hang of it after a few tries. Done mangling her dough, Caite has earned the clue and is off after giving Pingping a peck on the cheek. And poor Jordan, who complains of cold hands no less than fifteen times, struggles mightily. He complains, he cries, he gets a hug from his understanding brother - but he doesn’t make a whole lot of noodles.
What Not to Wear
Next up: a fashion house, where silly jokes fly and teams must pick out pieces of an outfit from many racks, using only a sketch. When done, a model must put the outfit on, and if it matches the sketch, they get a clue. First there, Jet and Cord giggle and make jokes about how into fashion they are. Talk about fish out of water. But they get it right the second time - picked the wrong shirt at first - and are out of there before the other teams even arrive. Go cowboys!
Brent and Caite arrive, and Caite observes that “It’s funny, we’re usually the ones getting dressed up.” Hey, I didn’t say it was funny, she did. But they’re soon done and gone, while Louie and Michael arrive. Sort of. They pick up the clue outside, then show off those awesome detective skills by walking away from the fashion house they’re supposed to go in, which was all of one foot away from the clue box. Once their duh moment is over, they go in and pick out clothes. Dan and Jordan arrive. Of course, someone had to drag out the tired-ass stereotype of the gay guy being a natural at fashion - chalk this one up to Michael. Sigh. None of them are that spectacular at this task, though - both teams had the wrong color stockings on their models and had to get them to switch.
Poor Jordan still looks bug-eyed and spazzy, perhaps he hasn’t calmed down from the noodle fiasco. I never knew pasta could be so traumatic.
Puzzle Me This
Tricky Phil changes things up by throwing another Roadblock into the mix, forcing everyone to have some Roadblock fun this leg. This one’s not much fun, though - a huge puzzle must be assembled on the ground of a football stadium, then the pieces must be given in order to the waiting crowd of locals, who will flip the pieces over to reveal the row and seat number where the next clue is hidden. Good thing Louie did the noodles, this one would have killed him. He’s already wheezing just from the walk to the stadium.
Cord has his puzzle about half way done when Brent arrives and quickly catches up. Unfortunately, the wind kicks up and blows puzzle pieces all over the place. Cord calmly grabs things to put on top of the puzzle - his shirt, belt, backpack, even some fold-out chairs from the stadium. He stops short of whipping off his jeans, though. Damn. Cord thinks that getting ill about it won’t help the situation, so he keeps his cool. Brent takes the opposite approach, getting pissed and throwing a spectacular fit. “Stop!!” he screams at a flying puzzle piece. Of course, it doesn’t listen, and Mother Nature flips him the bird by sending another handful of pieces flying.
After toting all his pieces to the crowd, sprinting down rows and hurtling guardrails, Cord gets his clue and he and Jet are off to the Pit Stop at the enormous Shanghai Science and Technology Museum. Pouting Brent picks his windblown pieces up and starts anew while Dan and Michael give it a shot. Dan takes his dad’s advice by starting with the corner pieces and making the frame, while Michael…I don’t know what Michael’s doing, honestly. He totally loses focus, and can’t seem to get the thing together. Can't see the forest for the trees, and all that.
Jet and Cord head off to the Metro - “the train up there!” - Brent and Caite are right behind them, Dan is on the way, and poor Michael is still fretting over his puzzle. The sun sets, the stadium lights come on, and he’s still there. Not looking good. Until Dan and Jordan check in with a cold, still cute, bundled up Phil, and he doesn’t congratulate them for being in the final three. You know what that means: a freaking THIRD non-elimination leg.
And as far behind as Louie and Michael are, you know there will be an equalizer coming up. No way will they have a chance being hours behind and having to do a Speedbump. And since I highly doubt they'll be getting the kinds of tasks they were wishing for - gun shooting, chasing down a crackhead - they'd better step it up.
1st - Jet and Cord, winning a trip to Alaska. They announce that they are NOT going on these trips with each other.
2nd - Brent and Caite
3rd - Dan and Jordan
Should have been Philiminated: Louie and Michael
But they’re still in it. Phil tries to trick them on the mat, telling them all serious-like: “You’re out…..in the cold!” Oh, Phil. One of these days we’ll get to the final three.
Next week: Caite gets irritated with the locals trying to peddle their wares, while Dan and Jordan throw an epic hissy fit in the back of a cab after they end up with another useless driver. Must see tv!
Do you think there should have been a third non-elimination leg? Are you as proud of Caite as she is of herself? Do you miss Carol and Brandy? Or are you just disappointed that the cowboys are spoken for? Tell us all about it….and please join us for next week’s show where we’ll finally find out the final three teams!