Last week: bedraggled cowboys Jet and Cord rebounded by going from last place to first; Brent, Caite, Louie and Michael did some more hatin’ on Carol and Brandy, and poor backpack-less Steve and Allie got the boot. This week: more hating, a hissy fit, and an elimination I’ve been waiting for all season as teams trek from Malaysia to Singapore. Tonight Phil serves up a delicious combo platter consisting of both a Fast Forward and a U-Turn, making for a busy episode, so let’s get to it!
All Aboard the E. Coli Express
Teams head to Singapore via bus, then train. Once there, they will hunt down Allan Wu, host of TAR Asia in a bit of cross promotion. There are 400 miles to traverse, giving teams plenty of time to plot. Brandy and Carol eyeball the cowboys, wanting to “take some of their mojo” and get first place. As if. Caite spouts off endlessly about wanting to U-Turn Carol and Brandy, and Jordan pipes up, asking if she hates them because they’re lesbians. No, says the Princess, she wants them gone because they’re mean and a threat and world travelers and all that. Louie and Michael concur. But Jordan doesn’t really buy it.
The train must really reek, because Brandy doesn’t even get on board before pinching her nose and declaring its rankness. Germophobe Dan breaks out the sanitizing wipes as he warily climbs into a bunk, while Louie ponders what happens to farts in a sleeper car. Deep thoughts, there, Louie. Not really a rousing endorsement for passenger trains in that area, but there you have it.
Carol and Brandy have the bright idea to push their way into another train car, but there’s an obstacle. Actually, four of them: Louie, Michael, Brent and Caite. I’m sure they could claw their way past the models, but there’s no way in hell they’re getting past Michael, who is built like a Mack truck. The conniving four block the way for Carol and Brandy, with Brent even going so far to say “Ladies get their way, bitches don’t.” Yeah, no love lost between these teams. Carol and Brandy stay put.
I Scream, You Scream, Jordan Screams…
Upon arrival at Singapore, teams disembark the Smelly Express and take a deep breath of fresh air before dashing for cabs. Dan exclaims that he likes Singapore because it’s clean and is in no need for a scrub down with disinfectant wipes. The brothers nab the first cab, finding Mr. Wu outside, sitting in a park. Grabbing the clue and seeing the Fast Forward is available, they decide to give it a shot. Jordan has second thoughts, however, when he sees what they have to do - ride to the top of an enormous ferris wheel, the Singapore Flyer. Easy enough. Crawling out of the capsule and climbing to an adjacent capsule along the metal frame is another matter. I’m not a fan of heights, so I feel for Jordan when he’s visibly shaking like a leaf and willing himself not to wet his drawers as he crawls along the structure. But he makes it, and brother Dan breezes over like it was his j-o-b. They did it! Off to the Pit Stop they go, exempt from Detours and Roadblocks and other silliness.
The rest of the teams have to muddle through the Detour: Pounding Drums or Pounding Pavement. They can either learn a drum routine and perform it on stage correctly, or gather supplies to sell ice cream sandwiches, with the requirement that they sell 25. Every one of them chooses to do drums, and it isn’t necessarily the best choice for these uncoordinated people.
Louie and Mike suck out loud, with Michael exclaiming that he’s “as white as white can be” and has no rhythm. After many failed tries, the detectives bail, thanking their young teacher. “I’m off like a prom dress!” quips Michael. Really now. Jet and Cord are struggling, but stick with it. Jet snarks that the only musical instrument they play is the radio - but they eventually get the routine right. Caite and Brent have a much better time of it, with Caite shaking her booty to the beat. The cameraman is happy to oblige by filming it in detail. Eesh.
While Carol and Brandy are proving that they, too, are lacking in musical skills, Louie and Michael waste a whole lot of time by heading to the fast Forward, hoping to give it a shot. They soon discover they can’t, Dan and Jordan have taken it. To add insult to injury, they rush back outside to find that their cabbie has taken an extended bathroom break. They fume while the driver drops the kids off at the pool, then finally head to the ice cream task when he returns.
Meanwhile, Caite and Brent have run across the U-Turn. Caite froths at the mouth at the chance to smack down Carol and Brandy, and she happily slaps their picture on the sign, joy in her eyes. Once Carol and Brandy finish mangling their drum routine, they come to the U-Turn sign - and flip out. Brandy hits the sign with her hand, ranting at how stupid/jealous Caite is of their superior looks and intelligence. Yes, nothing speaks of intelligence like throwing a childish fit. After unnecessarily mocking Brent and comparing him to Forrest Gump, Carol and Brandy haul their entitled, superior asses over to sell ice cream.
Louie and Michael are already there, and are having success with selling the treats. Buy ice cream from the crazy Americans! Michael bellows. I have to say, I’ve never seen an ice cream sandwich made so literally. A piece of white bread holding a thick slice of flavored ice cream? Hmm. I’m not above making spaghetti sandwiches, so I might give this a shot one day. I’m all about the carbs.
Carol and Brandy arrive to gather up their supplies, and the bitching never stops. One of them, I care not which, complains that she refuses to be out in the sun. They stand in the outdoor mall, sour looks on their faces, and I’m amazed that anybody would buy anything from them. I’m so over these two. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Evil Is As Evil Does
The Roadblock is next, and it consists of having to count the links in a giant shipyard chain. Not so hard, but the background noise is irritating - guys banging on metal with hammers, some dude hollering out numbers over the intercom. Even so, everyone gets it right the first time. Michael pulls out his handy little pitch counter to help, but forgets to sign out his clipboard and wastes a few minutes going back to get it. A-duh.
Just so you know, Brandy and Carol, supposed dimwits Brent and Caite got it right on the first count. They actually CAN count past ten without using taking their shoes off, you witches.
On their way out, Louie and Michael try to steal Carol and Brandy’s cab, their own driver having bailed on them. Or perhaps he went off in search of another bathroom after eating those 10 ice cream sandwiches he bought from the detectives. Either way, the cabbie refuses to leave Carol and Brandy stranded (dammit) and the guys end up bribing a passenger in another cab to let them take it for twenty bucks.
Next - teams get to have some fun on the MegaZip, a big-ass zip line running through the jungle and over some water. Brent and Caite get to it first, and have a blast on the ride. Jet and Cord are next, taking off their hats and whooping and hollering the whole way. Did you catch their promo of the Country Music Awards for next week? Cute.
Louie and Michael enjoy the ride, too, as Louie got to travel a good distance without exerting himself. *cough, hack* Also, Michael let it be known that he very much appreciated the cute clue girl at the bottom. Down, boy. Carol and Brandy go last, and much to my disappointment, the cable doesn’t break and send them plummeting into the water below.
Try as they might, editing tried to make it look like a close finish between the detectives and Carol and Brandy, but it was pretty obvious by the sunlight that the “ladies” weren’t even close. I watched with a satisfied grin as teams checked in…
1st - Dan and Jordan, who tell Phil that they will never use their motorbike prizes because their momma would have a fit. Phil raises that brow in amusement.
2nd - Brent and Caite
3rd - Jet and Cord
4th - Louie and Michael
Out, out, out: Carol and Brandy. Hallelujah! True to form, their parting comments are just more vitriol spewed Brent and Caite’s way. Even after Phil gently explained that Caite did it because she thought they were mean to her, they weren’t having any of it. Did they even enjoy the experience? Who knows. Good riddance to them.
No TAR for us next week (sob!) but it will return in two weeks. Phil promises more drama with the final four, and if he said where they were headed, I wasn’t paying attention. We were too busy celebrating Carol and Brandy’s elimination. So - are you glad they’re gone? Who do you want in your final three? And do you like your ice cream on Wonder Bread? See you in two week, TAR fans.