Welcome back, Race fans! This edition of the Amazing Race is quickly coming to a close, as we only have four teams remaining. And it's starting to get more than a little ugly between a couple of the teams (the blondes and 'Bama, of course). I'm still disappointed in the Cho brothers and their elimination last week: how two guys could be so smart and yet so stupid at the same time just astounds me. This just wasn't their kind of game, I guess. I'm also still trying to figure out this week's episode title: "We Won't Just Die, Like Roaches." Ew. Is that the best they could come up with?
Rock The Kasbah
We start out in last week's Pit Stop, the city of Kiev. Dingbat models Tyler and James are the first to leave and open their envelope to reveal the next clue: fly nearly 3000 miles to Ouarzazate, Morocco. I think I spelled that right. Once they land, they must drive four miles to the Kasbah district and find the Antiquities du Sud, a local antique shop. They will then choose one of four nifty little good luck charms which they must bring to the Pit Stop. Remember this, because certain teams have apparently lost their short-term memory *cough*TylerandJames*cough*. Drugs are bad, mmkay?
As James and Tyler tell us that they don't want the blondes in the final three (they're too "tough") and James bitches about their car, the bubbly blondes head out for the airport. Dustin is excited to go to Morocco, as she has written a college paper about the place before. The two girls also admit that they're not in the race for the money, they're in it for the spirit of the competition. Yeah, okay. I'm throwing the BS flag on that one. A million bucks will buy those two a whole lot of self-tanner and cutesy pink outfits. Dustin also says they won't settle for less than first place. Do I smell some foreshadowing here?
Not far behind are the surprisingly calm duo of Rob and Kimberly. Either he's just run out of tantrums lately or Kimberly has threatened him physical harm if he doesn't lay off the drama queen stuff. He actually doesn't throw a fit this time when he can't get the car into gear! Amazing. We'll see how long it lasts.
Smooth Moves, Part One
Dustin and Kandice arrive at the airport first, and book tickets to Milan, then Casablanca. They are warned that the connection will be tight, but they're willing to take the chance. Tyler and James pout that the blondes beat them to the airport, and try to book the same tickets as the girls did - but there are no more seats on that flight. They go off to find another flight, and the blondes go back to book tickets from Casablanca to Morocco, arriving at 10:55pm.
Last to leave are Lyn and Karlyn, and Karlyn asks what language they speak in Morocco. "Moroccan," replies a snickering Lyn. "That's not a language, is it?" asks sourpuss Karlyn. At least someone on this team has a sense of humor. Rob and Kim make it to the airport and hook up with Tyler and James, and they all book their tickets together. Dustin and Kandice come sliding up to see what tickets the others got, and Rob lies to them, saying a he got a 1:00 arrival time. They look at him in disbelief, wondering how they didn't find out about the earlier flight - until Rob tells them he made it up. Yes, Rob actually showed a sense of humor, too! It's a night of miracles, folks.
Rob and Kim, Lyn and Karlyn, and Tyler and James all leave together on a flight to Paris, with Dustin and Kandice taking a different route to Milan. They rush to make their connecting flight, but they don't get there in time. Whoops. Kandice calls the clerk "such a bitch!" when they're not allowed to board and they stomp off to find another flight. "She's so unhelpful and so unkind," says Dustin of the clerk. Meow. It's not her fault you two tried to push the clock to save time. The other three teams, playing it safer, are now on their way to Morocco. When they get there, Lyn and Karlyn have smartly bought a map of Morocco and spend some time studying it, as the others sit and wait for the blondes to show up at the airport for the flight to Ouarzazate. No sign of them....until they board the plane. Yep, there they are. James looks like someone licked all the red off of his candy as he blankly stares at the blondes in disappointment. Rob says he was "crushed" to find them on the plane, and thought their gameplay was pretty stupid. This comes from an expert in stupid, mind you.
So much for all the drama, as the teams all arrive in Ouarzazate together. The blondes try to ditch the others and race up the road, but Tyler and James and Rob and Kim are right on their bumper. Nobody noticed Lyn and Karlyn go off on their own. They should have, since the 'Bama moms find the antique shop easily after having the sense to buy a freaking map. The former backpackers pick a good luck charm from the shop and get their clue from the scary-looking man: travel 6 miles through town to find Atlas Studios, where they will get their next clue. Oh, and there's a Yield ahead. Uh oh. Karlyn salivates at the thought of Yielding the blondes.
The now first-place 'Bama moms drive by the other three teams, who laugh at them: "They don't know what they're doing!" says the clueless Tyler. The blondes have pulled over for directions, and their followers have parked their cars to wait. "Let them do all the work," laughs Rob. A group of people soon descends on the blondes in the dark street, and the girls nervously hop in their car. The blondes get a local to ride with them, and the other teams go off on their own, tired of waiting. Rob and Kim make it to the shop second, with Tyler and James third. The blondes finally make it to the antique shop and read the clue to find out about the Yield. A panicked look crosses their faces, knowing the 'Bama moms will Yield them if they get there first.
The teams all arrive at the Atlas Studios, and of course, they don't open until 8am. Bunched up again. Tyler and James pull their feet out of their mouths as they discover the 'Bama moms have beat them there. When the gates open at 8am, there's a footrace: Tyler and James and Rob and Kim choose not to Yield anyone, but the blondes decide to Yield 'Bama, who can't run to save their lives. This goes over about as well as you'd expect. The other teams open their envelopes to read:
- Roadblock: one team member must join a professional charioteer in a high-speed race around the stadium. During the race, they have to pull down two flags matching the colored plumes worn by their horse.
Bitter, Thy Name Is Karlyn
Rob, Dustin, and James choose to do the Roadblock as 'Bama sits on the Yield mat and fumes. James' horses freak out and run off the track, and then he manages to miss his first flag. Dustin has no problem grabbing her flags, saying she feels like a legitimate gladiator. I hate to break it to her, but these are charioteers, not gladiators. I'll let her have her moment, though. Rob nabs both of his flags, and James has to make another pass because he bone-headedly missed the first one. As the blondes run put of the Studio, Karlyn flips them the bird and Lyn tells her partner not to be ugly. I love it. Karlyn couldn't wait to Yield the blondes but feels justified in pissing and moaning because they did it to her. Ha.
Teams must now drive themselves 22 miles to the Café La Pirgola in the town of Idelssan for their next clue. Karlyn performs the Roadblock as the other teams drive off, and Rob and Kim promptly get a flat tire. The blondes giggle at the couple's misfortune: "We're not evil blondes, we're competitive blondes!" More like annoyingly smug blondes. Rob struggles to find the jack (it's right there, but he can't remove it for some reason, the wuss) as the other teams pass them by. He remains fairly calm, by Rob standards. Has anyone ever had this much trouble with cars in the Race? A passing car stops to help the unlucky pair as the blondes and the models find the Café:
- Detour: Throw It or Grind It. In Throw It, teams must travel four miles to the town of Guedara and throw two properly made pots on a wheel at a local pottery shop. In Grind It, teams must travel four miles back towards the town of Ouarzazate to the North Africa Horse and Olive Farm where they will grind 77 pounds of olives and fill pressing sleeves with the paste. There are only three workstations available for each one, so it's first come, first served.
Dustin and Kandice choose to the grind the olives, since it's back in the direction from which they came. James is disappointed to learn that "throwing pots" doesn't mean throwing them literally (duh), and they decide to grind the olives also, as do Lyn and Karlyn. The blondes pass back by Rob and Kim, still on the side of the road. Rob tries to get some information from the girls, but they refuse and he rants about how much he hates them. Tyler and James and 'Bama find the Olive farm, but the blondes have somehow driven right past it. I think they were too busy patting themselves on the back to pay attention to the road.
Smooth Moves, Part Two
Dustin and Kandice finally find the farm, but it's too late: all three workstations are full, as the other teams push the stone wheel around to smash the olives into a paste. The blondes have to sit and wait, and you just know Karlyn ate that up. The teams stuff the nasty-looking black paste into the bags (I love olives, but...yuck) and receive their next clue as Rob wishes for some French bread to eat with the olive paste. He doesn't get any, and they read the next clue to find that they must drive down the famed road to Marrakech and find a marked boulder by the road. They must then find the Nomadic Berber Camp, which is the next Pit Stop where the always adorable Phil will be waiting.
Karlyn gloats that the blondes are still stuck at the Detour, saying "karma is a B!" Tyler and James worry that 'Bama will beat them to the camp, since the moms have a knack for finding their way around. They're called maps, boys. You should try them sometime. The guys find the marked boulder with no problem, however, and get out of their car to run to the Pit Stop. They make it about halfway before dumbass James realizes he left the good luck charm in the car, and they haul butt back to the car to retrieve it as Lyn and Karlyn slowly jog up the path. It's a footrace once again, and the teams hit the mat as follows:
1st - Tyler and James, winning some kind of electronic doodad for having the matching good-luck charm
2nd - Lyn and Karlyn
3rd - Rob and Kimberly
4th - Dustin and Kandice
But wait - the blondes luck out again, as this is another non-elimination leg. You know the rules: they must come in first next time, or they will incur a 30 minute penalty. Raise your hands if you saw this one coming. Yeah, I thought so. After hugging all over Phil, the blondes tell us that they're playing hardcore, and that they just don't care what the other teams think about them. No kidding. Join us next time as people throw tomatoes at Rob and Kim (I'd pay good money to do that!) and Lyn snaps at Karlyn. Only two more shows left!
What would you like to throw at these teams? firstname.lastname@example.org