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Thread: 12/3 The Amazing Race Recap - One Hump Or Two?

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    A pirate's life for me suncat7's Avatar
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    12/3 The Amazing Race Recap - One Hump Or Two?

    Welcome to the penultimate recap of this season's Amazing Race! When we last left our racers, they were in a camp near Marrakesh, and Dustin and Kandice incurred a 30 minute penalty by being last in a non-elimination leg. Will they be able to overcome this obstacle and stay in the race? Will my dream of an Amazing Race fistfight finally happen? I can only hope! Let's go!

    Tyler & James are the first to depart at 5:30 AM. They open their Clue - drive yourselves to Casablanca. Once there, find (an area I cannot pronounce or spell) and find the next clue. They must drive 275 winding miles through the Atlas mountains to get there. Tyler & James say they don't care what place they come in, as long as they knock the blondes out. Lyn & Karlyn depart at 5:31 AM, and their plan is to...get the Barbies out! When Dustin & Kandice said everyone hates them, they weren't kidding. Rob & Kimberly depart at 5:47 AM. Rob says he has a feeling that they will win the million dollars, they will get married, and they will ride off into the Morrocan sunset. They get in their vehicle and take off. Since Kimberly always has to have something to complain about, she say she hates how there are so many dogs out there. Then she says "Oh those are lambs" and Rob corrects her that they are goats. I suggest she not try to get a job at a petting zoo anytime soon. You're planning to marry a real genius there, Rob. Dustin & Kandice leave at 6:16 AM.

    Tyler & James stop at a gas station and find a guy that they can follow to their destination. Both Lyn & Karlyn and Rob & Kimberly try the asking people in traffic approach, to no avail. Dustin & Kandice pick up a man in sunglasses and throw him in the car with them. I'd venture to say that Barbie-doll status helps in picking up men in foreign countries, after all, it sure works in the U.S.

    The ex-druggies make it to the marked parking, and James proves himself useful by finding the cluebox. It's a Roadblock - "Who's got a taste for the unusual?" They must find a certain stall in the market and get just over a pound of camel meat. Then they must find Cafe 11, grind up their meat and put it on skewers. After that, a man named Mohammed will cook it, and they have to eat it. YUM. After they clear their plates, they'll receive their next clue. James is going to partake in the dromedary protein. They find the stall and the cafe, and he's grinding his meat in a jiffy. Hee, grinding his meat. That sounds sort of dirty. "Under the hot Morrocan sun, James was grinding his meat." (okay, I'll quit before this becomes TAR erotica.)

    Picking up strange men has worked well for Dustin & Kandice, as they find the parking area and have the man jogging along with them to find the clue. They find the clue box, and Kandice is going to to perform the roadblock. (You'll notice I refrained from saying "Kandice is going to eat the meat" because I'm trying to keep this PG-13, and apparently I'm a dirty cat today, and everything sounds perverted.) She gets the meat, and arrives at Cafe 11, to the shock of Tyler & James who can't believe they've caught up to them. At this point, James finishes his portion, and received the next Clue - Fly to Barcelona, Spain.

    Tyler & James run into Rob & Kimberly as they're leaving, and tell them that the blondes have caught up, and that the clue is "just back up that way" Rob interprets this as "stick your head into random shops and yell for the clue". Lyn & Karlyn arrive, ask someone for directions, and get the helpful "where the other Americans go" with a vague finger-point. Rob is now using the universal sign for "I'm out of my ever-loving mind" by standing in the middle of the crowd with his arms outstretched, asking "Where is it?" They encounter Lyn & Karlyn, and both teams wander around lost looking for the clue box.

    Dustin & Kandice have finished the camel meat, which Kandice has deemed "good". They and their pet Morrocan man run to the car. Rob sees them and decides it's a good idea to run after them. Kimberly tells him that they're holding the clue, but Rob says they don't have it. As Dustin & Kimberly get into the car, Kimberly asks them if they already have it. They answer yes, but Rob says not to ask them anything. So, it's okay to chase them around, but not to ask them questions. Rob then pleads with their pet Morrocan man to show him where the clue is, but Dustin & Kandice quickly put a stop to that with "bad Morrocan man, bad, no blonde kisses for you if you help!" They don't really say that, but it amounts to ask much. Rob runs off mad, with Kimberly running after him. He once again finds himself in the street with his arms outstretched, and I wish so much that him doing that was the Morrocan symbol for "punch me in the face" as it would be pretty entertaining to see Rob punched about now.

    A miracle has occurred, and the two lost teams have found the clue box. Rob forces Kimberly to "have a taste for the unusual" because he's a big wuss, and Lyn does it for her team. They both get their meat and run to Cafe 11. Kim laments "I don't know how to grind meat." Then why is Rob marrying you? (sorry, couldn't resist one last dirty remark.) Lyn is working away at it like a pro, and Kimberly keeps turning around to see how Lyn's getting it done so quickly. Lyn finishes first and has it cooked in no time. She begins to eat it, and Karlyn starts nagging at her to hurry up. Lyn tells her it's hot, and Karlyn tells her she has to move quicker. Lyn tells her to let her do her task. Karlyn keeps complaing, and Lyn tells her if she'd shut the hell up she'd do better. I'd love to see Lyn stop, pick Karlyn up, and shove HER in the grinder, but alas this is primetime television and it doesn't happen. Lyn finishes and gets the clue. Kimberly finishes a few minutes later.

    Tyler & James and Dustin & Kandice have already made it to the airport. Dustin & Kandice are delusional, and ask Tyler & James that if there is a footrace to the mat at the end of the leg, would they let them get there first to avoid their 30 minute penalty. It's a credit to Tyler & James that they don't fall in the floor and roll around with laughter, because I would have. The other teams arrive, and all teams get on the same flight at 4:30 PM. Once in Spain, they have to take a taxi to the Parc del Laberint d'Horta and go through a maze to find the next clue. The maze is a big hedge one, like in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Too bad no wizards will jump out and put the Cruciatus Curse on a couple of teams. All the teams arrive within minutes of each other, only to find the maze doesn't open until 10 AM.

    The next morning, the blondes wander over to some construction workers and ask them to call a taxi for them, and to make sure the taxi is only to pick up blondes. Rob tells Kimberly to get over there and do the same thing, to flirt and use her sexuality. I think screeching all the time isn't very sexy myself. Kimberly goes and asks someone, "Will you call us a taxi?" and as she's doing it, Tyler yells to order one more. Kim says "Dos. Dos taxis." Because obviously the man isn't going to understand the English word "two" even though he understood "will you call us a taxi." I guess she just wants to show off what she learned while watching Dora the Explorer. Lyn voices a concern about them reserving a taxi, and Karlyn says "whatever" because she's a little bitch.

    The maze opens, and all teams take off running, except Lyn & Karlyn who are strolling like they're on a nature walk. There's lots of shouting of "this way!" and "C'mon!" then Tyler & James find the clue box first.

    Detour - Lug It or Lob It. In lug it, teams travel by taxi 4 miles and find a bridge where they'll each slip on a 9 1/2 foot tall costume of a giant, from Barcelona's festival of giants. Once they become a giant, they must walk more than a mile and find Carrer de Sant Felip Neri and go to the female giant to receive their next clue. In lob it, teams travel by taxi 9 miles to a town square where they'll take part in a tomato fight that usually breaks out in the Tomatina festival. They must defend themselves while digging through a mountain of tomatoes for one that contains the next clue.

    Rob & Kimberly get the clue soon as well, and Tyler and James whisper to them that they have to get a taxi before the others get out of there. Dustin & Kandice find the clue and all three teams are running, trying to get out of the maze. Team Alabama finds their clue, follow the perimeter of the maze and get out with no problem and no yelling.

    Dustin & Kandice and Rob & Kimberly find the first taxis and leave. Tyler & James and Lyn & Karlyn practically throw themselves into the street trying to get taxis to stop for them, but finally they do get transportation. Tyler says that their strategy is to do the same tasks the blondes will do, then follow them to the finish line to make sure they don't get first.

    Rob & Kimberly pick "lob it" and arrive at the tomato pile. Right then, tons of people run out to smaller tomato piles and start pelting them. Kimberly says she thinks they're going to get hurt, as they're throwing whole tomatoes at them. I assume she prefers them diced first? Rob seems to enjoy throwing tomatoes at people. Kim says "I'm done with this" but Rob says he's not leaving. Kim SCREAMS at him "Listen to me!" and I cringe for her future children. She screams "BABE!" a few times, runs out of the tomatoes, and Rob says "I'm not done." Kim runs right back into the line of fire, and Rob wants to know why she can't be tough. Kimberly is breaking down, and Rob says "Quit crying, dude" because he's Mr. Sensitive. She runs out again while Rob prays "Please God, please God." I'm not sure if it's a prayer to help him find the clue, or to help him deal with Kimberly. Rob follows her saying "way to go, Kim! Way to cry!" Again, their future children are in such trouble. He yells that she just gave up, that she just threw in the towel. He asks the cab driver how far the other task is, and when he finds out it's 20 kilometers, he says they have to do this task. They go back to the tomatoes, and find the clue in minutes.

    Clue - go to the next pit stop. Teams must travel across Barcelona to the Palau Nacional of Mont Juic to the next pit stop. The last team to arrive may be eliminated.

    Dustin & Kandice have located the giants, and pick out ones that look like a king and queen. They have no idea where to go. They stop at a booth to find out, and Tyler & James catch up with them in their giant costumes.

    Lyn & Karlyn have reached the tomatoes, and Karlyn complains that it's a waste of time. Lyn says if she wants to go, they'll go. Karlyn gets mad saying that she puts all of decisions on her. I think Karlyn has some major PMS this episode. They suddenly find the clue, and Karlyn's mood does a 180, and she's the happiest tomato-covered girl in all of Barcelona. She even manages to apologize to Lyn for her behavior, blaming stress.

    The first team has hit the mat! Rob and Kimberly come in first. Phil say "You're the first team to make it into the final 3, and you're in the running to win the one million dollar prize." Plus, they win a trip to Barbados. Phil gets all wordy, and asks "Do you think the other teams are as hungry as you are to win this?" Kimberly says they have more to gain because of their relationship, because the other teams are already friends. Huh? Anyway, someone has pulled the string in Phil's back because he can't quit talking, and he asks "Rob, you're just hours away from what could be a really life-changing moment in your life and so, it's got to be a lot to try take in right now." Rob is overcome with emotion about Phil speaking more than ten words at a time, and breaks down crying, saying it would be just mean a lot to him to win. Then he tells Kimberly he loves her. Well would you look there, Phil has the ability to bring out the best in people. Plus he's so darn cute with that eyebrow thing he does.

    Meanwhile, Dustin & Kandice and Tyler & James find the female giant and get their clues back to back. They travel across Barcelona, but both teams can't find the actual pit stop. They're asking everyone and running around frantically, but not getting good information.

    The second team is running towards the mat, and it's Lyn & Karlyn! Phil tells them that they're team number 2, and that they are the first all-female team to make it into the final 3 in the history of the Amazing Race. Lyn says they need to go ahead and seal the deal and be the first female team to win the million dollars.

    Team three heads in, and it's Tyler & James. They're estatic about being the top 3, and say they beat out the blondies. Dustin & Kandice arrive last and get eliminated, which means that we probably won't have to hear the words "Barbie" and "blondies" for the last episode.

    Join us next week for Waywyrd's coverage of the final episode. Will the ex-junkies win and find their old dealer? Will Rob & Kimberly win and invest in anger management classes? If Lyn & Karlyn win will they find the six-pack and share? These questions might not be answered, but it'll still be fun, see you next time!
    Last edited by suncat7; 12-07-2006 at 07:36 PM.
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    Being VIP Yardgnome's Avatar
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    Hilarious recap as usual, Sunny!

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    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
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    Hee, grinding his meat. That sounds sort of dirty. "Under the hot Morrocan sun, James was grinding his meat." (okay, I'll quit before this becomes TAR erotica.)

    Kim laments "I don't know how to grind meat." Then why is Rob marrying you? (sorry, couldn't resist one last dirty remark.)

    I assume she prefers them diced first?

    Very funny! Great recap, sunny!
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    runs with scissors waywyrd's Avatar
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    I'd love to see Lyn stop, pick Karlyn up, and shove HER in the grinder, but alas this is primetime television and it doesn't happen.
    Another fun recap, sunny. I hate that it's almost over!
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    Leo
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    Fantastic recap sunny.

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    When I'm 64 William13's Avatar
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    Oh those lucky people in Barcelona! To have been one of those lucky few in Barcelona to throw tomatoes at Rob and Kimberly is a memory to pass along from generation to generation. To say that you are a descendant of someone who was there tossing tomatoes will surely silence those whose only claim to fame was that an ancestor fought on St. Crispin's Day. True, not having seen the previous episodes we did, those there will not have appreciated until later how lucky they were. If they had know, they would likely have thrown red coloured rocks instead of something as soft as a tomatoes.
    Sadly, I cannot claim to be related to anyone who was there that day. But I can proudly say that I read Suncat7's recap and laughed all the way. The only thing that I want to throw at you are kudos. Another scathingly brilliant job.
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    FORT Fogey hot_chocolate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by suncat7;2169140;
    Hee, grinding his meat. That sounds sort of dirty. "Under the hot Morrocan sun, James was grinding his meat." (okay, I'll quit before this becomes TAR erotica.)

    (You'll notice I refrained from saying "Kandice is going to eat the meat" because I'm trying to keep this PG-13, and apparently I'm a dirty cat today, and everything sounds perverted.)

    I'd love to see Lyn stop, pick Karlyn up, and shove HER in the grinder, but alas this is primetime television and it doesn't happen.

    Because obviously the man isn't going to understand the English word "two" even though he understood "will you call us a taxi." I guess she just wants to show off what she learned while watching Dora the Explorer.
    Great recap!
    "In spite of all the temptation you have endured, all the suffering, you remain pure of heart, just as pure as you were at the age of eleven, when you stared into a mirror that reflected your heart's desire, and it showed you only the way to thwart Lord Voldemort, and not immortality or riches."

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    Shark Week! dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by suncat7;2169140;
    You're planning to marry a real genius there, Rob.

    Hee, grinding his meat. That sounds sort of dirty. "Under the hot Morrocan sun, James was grinding his meat." (okay, I'll quit before this becomes TAR erotica.)

    (You'll notice I refrained from saying "Kandice is going to eat the meat" because I'm trying to keep this PG-13, and apparently I'm a dirty cat today, and everything sounds perverted.)

    Rob forces Kimberly to "have a taste for the unusual" because he's a big wuss,

    Kim laments "I don't know how to grind meat." Then why is Rob marrying you?


    Thanks for the major laughs, Suncat.
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