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Thread: TAR3 Ep 9 pt 2: Did I Need To See The Paper Undies?

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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    TAR3 Ep 9 pt 2: Did I Need To See The Paper Undies?

    This was another great hour of Whine. I honestly feel bad about starting 90% of my recaps with a mention of the whining that is Flo. I find it hard to focus on anything else. Plus we know misery loves company and I had to watch this episode twice for the recap… twice the whining, twice the moaning, twice the belittling. I must have company.

    Never in the history of Television has anyone gotten on my nerves so badly. Every time she opens her mouth I cringe at what I might hear. I have a bucket next to me as I type incase the urge to vomit overtakes me once again.

    Again, let us get the particulars out of the way:

    Teams leave the pit stop in search of the Jet D’eau. This is the largest fountain in Europe, shooting water 450’ into the air. It’s a Water Jet

    There they will find their next clue along with a flag. They must figure out which country the flag represents, (Malaysia) then get there and find the Patronas Towers. They must find someone to take a picture of them in front of the tower. They will be using a Kodak Easy Share Digital Camera to accomplish this part. Teams must then get to the Ampang Park shopping mall to have the picture developed and receive the next clue.

    Get to the Singapore National Orchid Garden and find Margaret Thatcher (It’s an Orchid)… I’m hoping next year teams will have to find “Cali”… I will hold onto that hope unless I find out that in another language it translates to Female Dog.

    Detour: DRY: Drive to an apartment building and locate a certain apartment. Knock on the door and receive the next clue. Problem is all streets in the area are named Choa Chu Kang _____ (Fill in the blank with Way, Drive, Ave, Blvd. Ct. etc…)
    WET: Get to the zoo and find the mermaids. The mermaids are actually Manatees, which are said to have been the inspiration for the belief of Mermaids back in the day.
    Get clue instructing you to go to the Fountain of Wealth for the Road Block information…. WHAT??? NO ROAD BLOCK??? What the heck is this… we so could have edited some of that darn whining and had a roadblock. “First team member to gag Flo wins” Golly, it would have been great. Oh well.

    Get to Pit Stop for this leg of the race: Top of Mount Faber

    Starting with the first to check in previously:

    John Vito and Jill 12:42am

    They can see that other teams are losing it and being nasty with each other. John Vito tells us that he and Jill have really enjoyed spending this much time together. They work well together and show a lot of respect to everyone around them.
    They giggle and laugh as they walk to the water jet to retrieve the first clue. They have no idea which country the flag represents, and hope other teams are having a problem identifying it also. They make their way to the airport, and find a nearby hotel with a gentleman who can identify their flag. They head back to the airport to find other teams waiting there for it top open. They have once again been equalized.
    They get a 9am flight to Kuala Lumpur with three other teams. Then they head off to find the towers. Jill spots the flags right away and calls John Vito over to pose for a picture taken with a Kodak Easy Share Digital Camera. They find a nice person to take the photo and head off to get the picture developed. They head off for the train.
    They decide they should go for the “DRY” detour and head off to find the apartment. They find a woman who gives them directions while looking at their map. Off they go. Things are looking good. After driving for a while they decide it would be best to stop at a gas station and ask again. It turns out they have been going the wrong way for a while. Things are looking bad.
    They do find the apartment and we get to see a treasure from Singapore. One of their favorite TV stars. I wish they could have spent more time with him. He seemed really funny. He wishes them luck as they head out the door to find the fountain.
    Luckily their map has the fountain right on it and they seem to have no trouble finding it. They run down the stairs and see Teri and Ian leaving. We get to see John Vito in a wet T-shirt.
    Then something happened, but I’m still picturing John Vito… give me a minute would ya?
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    Ahhhhhh. They find a cabbie and have him lead them to the Pit Stop. They park their car and run towards the mat. Phil can see them coming. His face as expressionless as always.
    They arrive…………

    Ken and Gerard 2am
    They let us know that they never thought they would make it this far. They are still having a blast and are a pleasure to watch.
    They get to the water jet and Ken tells us it looks like Gerard when he gets mad “pscheeewwwww”.
    Gerard gets a look at the at the flag: “Oy Vey what the heck is that?”
    He then quizzes the cabbie:
    G: Do you know what this flag is?
    Cabbie: Malaysia
    G: Correct!
    Like he knew

    They arrive at the airport with the other teams, but get out on the 9am flight.
    They pick up their Kodak Easy Share Digital Camera and find a nice person to take the picture.
    Again they are equalized at the Orchard Garden and run in with the other teams to find Margaret Thatcher. They decide to go for the DRY option of the Detour and head off to find the apartment. They realize that they are being followed and think for a minute about losing the opposing team, but realize they really just need to find the apartment.
    They get to the building and hook up with Flo and Zach to find the resident funny man.
    Gerard wants to take Flo and Zach’s superior map and just have Flo and Zach follow them. Zach wants to keep the map, as he realizes even if Ken and Gerard didn’t intentionally lose them, it could still happen. Gerard says fine and storms off. Ken (The voice of reason this week) pipes up with a good idea… switch maps incase they get separated. Zach still wants to keep the good map.
    They finally get the map… read Flo and Zach’s paragraph for more on that.
    Ken promises Flo and Zach that he will not lose them in traffic.
    Gerard wants to lose them in traffic.
    Gerard holds his ground and refuses to do so.
    They arrive at the fountain and Ken runs in to get the envelope. He does a perfectly executed forward roll upon leaving. Another score giving episode. Another perfect 10!
    They make their way to the Pit Stop and run towards the Mat. They arrive……

    Derek and Drew 2:14am
    They admit that they received a lot of help from Ken and Gerard in earlier legs of the race, but are determined to do it alone now.
    They have both forgotten that it is their Birthday.
    Did I mention I’ve been wondering just how bright these two are?

    They get their first envelope and quickly find a woman who can identify the flag. They head to the airport and run into other teams. Drew admits that he is attracted to Flo. He wants to help them because he doesn’t want to see Flo cry.. If that’s the case I hope he gets far far away from her after the race ends. I am feeling as though she couldn’t make it through a day with out crying a few times.
    They open their Kodak Easy Share Digital Camera and get a picture taken. I was relieved that they kept their clothes on.
    Off to the shop to get it developed. When the picture comes out of the Picture Maker, the clue is printed on the back.
    Derek starts reading the clue.
    Drew tells Derek to shut up.
    Derek starts reading again.
    Drew tells him he’s an idiot.
    I still don’t get what the hostility was about. So what if he read the clue? People behind them still had to get the picture developed. It really didn’t matter.
    They get equalized at the train station and decide to share a hotel room with Zach and Whiney Flo.
    They arrive at the Gardens along with the other teams and decide it would be best to choose the WET option for this roadblock. They head off to find the zoo.
    It’s Derek’s turn to yell now.
    He wants to know How far it is to the Zoo
    It’s…
    HOW FAR
    Well. I…
    DETERMINE HOW FAR WE MUST DRIVE
    It looks like….
    GET AN INDICATION OF THE DISTANCE WE MUST GO…. GOD I’M SICK OF THIS.
    I assume he gets what he wants. They arrive at the zoo and find Mr. Super HelpfulMan

    SHM: May I help you
    D: Need mermaid
    SHM: Manatee enclosure
    D: Cool
    SHM: Would you like me to show you?
    D: Yes, but don’t let her (Teri) see.
    We get to see them in their skivvies.
    I am a red blooded heterosexual female in her prime.
    These two do nothing for me.
    They swim off to get the clue and head off for the fountain.
    They find it rather quickly and head off for the Pit Stop.
    They arrive……

    Teri and Ian 2:35am
    Ian starts this leg by running through town in the wee hours of the morning yelling and screaming.
    Teri starts this leg by shushing her husband.
    Ian feels the need to tell us once again how all the teams have underestimated him. Oh yeah, Teri too… whatever.
    He realizes that they have found a flag for Malaysia, but gets it confirmed nonetheless. They get a great flight to Kuala Lumpur and get a two-hour jump on the other teams.
    They realize they are ahead, and want to stay that way. Imagine my surprise when they find a Kodak Easy Share Digital Camera waiting for them! They find someone who is willing to take their picture and head off to find the shopping mall.
    Ian sees a sign that says “Ampang Park” and barks for Teri to follow. She mentions that it could be another place, but Ian will not hear it. He KNOWS he’s right. Until they get inside and it turns out to be a train station. Idiot.
    Teri impresses me again. She is not the least bit intimidated by the picture maker. She does tell us that she’s the brains of the operation though.
    They head outside to find someone to get them to a train station. Ian is pissed because a person in Singapore can’t understand his butchered pronunciation. He is so damn condescending to this guy. I want to smack him.
    The line is forming to the left.
    He is angry when he learns they’ve been equalized at the train station. Interesting how it’s funny to be equalized when he’s in last place, but it sucks when they’re winning.
    They manage to get a good map from another couple.
    After finding Margaret Thatcher, they opt for the WET detour and head off for the zoo. Ian is pissed because Teri isn’t 100% sure on how to get there. Really, He has every right to be pissed, she did live here for 23 years and work as a cab driver during that time.
    Oh wait…. No she didn’t! Ian has no right to be pissed. Surprise.

    Things I never needed to know:
    Teri and Ian have disposable paper underwear.
    Things I never needed to see:
    Aforementioned disposable paper underwear.

    They swim across the tank, but I miss some of it, as I’m busy washing my eyes with bleach.

    Ian, once again, pulls the Ugly American bit and bullies his way out of the Zoo.
    They find a biker to lead them to the fountain. Ian still manages to yell at Teri about getting there quicker. WRITE IT DOWN FOLKS…..He actually apologizes for his quick temper, says the need to win is overpowering or something.
    Ian retrieves the clue and they head off trying to avoid Philimination. They arrive……


    Flo and Zach 2:41am
    First I must mention that I was shocked to see that they were only 6 minutes behind Teri and Ian and Flo was such a whiney, non-helping Brat! They could easily have come in before Teri and Ian, if she had tried….at all.
    Flo wants to take a cab to their first stop. Zach wants to check the trains.
    Flo starts in on Zach’s ridiculous obsession with saving money. God, I hope this girl marries rich. Wait, no I don’t, I hope she marries some poser that she thinks is rich, then runs into Zach and his wife while she’s using her food stamps at Safeway to buy bread. Zach and his wife will of course be well off because HE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT SAVING MONEY! They will be buying Filet Mignon….. oops… off track again.
    Sorry.
    Flo is going on and on about how useless Teri and Ian are. She is sure they don’t know where they are going. They are stupid old people who can’t do anything.
    Yes Flo, you are right. They can’t do anything… except rappel down a cliff… oh, and beat your butt to the last Pit Stop by six minutes.
    They have no need to identify the flag as they immediately recognize the name of the Towers and seem unnaturally happy to be going to Kuala Lumpur. Don’t get me wrong, it is a beautiful place, but the viewers never get a good idea about why they are so happy.
    Zach is not happy about the symbolic separation he sees when Flo cuddles next to Drew on the flight out.
    Run Zach, run far and run fast.
    Flo is going on about how she hopes that Teri and Ian are far behind them. She says they are slow and that they just don’t get it.
    Don’t get what Flo? They are currently 2 hours ahead of you.
    I love the editors.
    Apparently Kodak Easy Share Digital Camera’s are pretty tough. I was sure Flo would shatter some important part of the camera’s integral working mechanism with her incessant whining, but someone manages to get their picture.
    When they get it developed Zach tries to show us the beautiful picture of them and the towers, but Flo snatches the picture out of his hands and yells at him that the clue is on the back. They ask, for some unknown reason if anyone else has been in. They are shocked to learn that Teri and Ian were in a while ago. I love the look on Flo’s face.
    They wind up on a train with other teams, and once again Flo abandons Zach so she can go flirt.
    When they realize that the Orchid Garden will not open ‘til morning they decide to get a hotel. Scratch that. FLO decides to get a hotel. Zach would have been happy with the YMCA, but Flo refuses to even check it out. Derek and Zach are left to find a place while Drew and Flo continue their flirting.
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    Sorry, I needed my bucket.
    Flo and Zach decide to go for the DRY detour and
    follow Ken and Gerard to the apartment complex. Then
    follow Ken and Gerard to the Apartment. Then
    follow Ken and Gerard back to the parking lot.
    As mentioned above Gerard wants the map, but Zach says no.
    FLO GOES EFFIN’ OFF
    She snatches the map and hands it to Gerard while ripping Zach a “new one”. She is making such a scene that Gerard actually asks her not to yell at Zach. It’s hard for another man to watch someone get castrated like that in public.
    Once they are in the car, Zach finally asks her why she’s screaming at him like he’s some kind of @$$hole. She tells him it’s because he is. He made a decision that makes or breaks the game.
    He wants to know how she knows it will make or break the game.
    Her response is typical Flo:
    “Becauuuuuuuuuuuuusseeeeeeee AAARRgggggggRRRRrrrrGGGGGhhhhG GGGrrrrr”

    Commercial break

    FLO Why didn’t you just give them the maaaaaaaaaaaaap?”

    Zach I’m fed up with this….

    They follow Ken and Gerard to the fountain, and Zach retrieves the clue ahead of them. This means that we get to hear from Flo about how wonderful he is.
    Someone medicate this woman please.
    They find a cab to lead them to the pit stop and on the way we get to hear Flo tell Zach that she’s not nervous about the pit stop, as she could so beat Ken and Gerard in a foot race.
    Why Am I not surprised when the order of runners headed to the pit stop is Zach, Gerard, Ken then Flo?
    Zach has to stop to wait for her. They arrive……

    PIT STOP at Mount Faber

    1st Derek and Drew who win a European Cruise
    2nd Ken and Gerard
    3rd Flo and Zach
    4th Teri and Ian
    5th John Vito and Jill

    I was so saddened by the elimination of my favorite team. I loved seeing them sitting there talking about children, grandchildren, and marriage (though not necessarily in that order). I am sure they will have a wonderful happy life together and I wish them nothing but the best!
    To read the FORT’s Interview with these two wonderful racers click HERE
    To contact the author of this article email: cali@fansofrealitytv.com
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  2. #2
    LG.
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    Get to the Singapore National Orchid Garden and find Margaret Thatcher (It’s an Orchid)… I’m hoping next year teams will have to find “Cali”… I will hold onto that hope unless I find out that in another language it translates to Female Dog.
    Ah cali, you are safe, the translation for female dog has been determined to be "Eve".

    They open their Kodak Easy Share Digital Camera and get a picture taken. I was relieved that they kept their clothes on.
    Off to the shop to get it developed.
    . . . you and I both, cali, so glad they managed to remain fully clothed despite the presence of cameras. Yikes.

    Things I never needed to know:
    Teri and Ian have disposable paper underwear.
    Things I never needed to see:
    Aforementioned disposable paper underwear.

    They swim across the tank, but I miss some of it, as I’m busy washing my eyes with bleach.
    You are on a ROLL today, cali lady, making me laugh until I spit up diet pepsi in my office.
    Last edited by LG.; 12-05-2002 at 06:54 PM.
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  3. #3
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Ian is pissed because Teri isn’t 100% sure on how to get there. Really, He has every right to be pissed, she did live here for 23 years and work as a cab driver during that time.
    Oh wait…. No she didn’t! Ian has no right to be pissed. Surprise.
    I just laughed and laughed at the above quote.

    Another excellent recap Cali
    "That's Numberwang!"

  4. #4
    JR.
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    Drummer / Model JR.'s Avatar
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    It’s hard for another man to watch someone get castrated like that in public.
    I actually find this quite funny, I will usually point and laugh

    Once again, another fine job

  5. #5
    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    Woohoo! Thanks for another super recap Cali!!
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
    BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07)

  6. #6
    agentcarver
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    From the Desk of Carver to all players other than Terri, who got it right:

    Jet D'eau isn't pronounced "Jet Dew"

    It's pronounced "J'et D'oah"

    GET IT RIGHT!

    Oh, and great Recap, Cali!

  7. #7
    Ken's cookie! KylieGrant's Avatar
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    Great recap Cali!!!!

    Wow, this is post 1600 for me. Your recap is certainly a deserving subject.

  8. #8
    metwin1
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    Wonderful recap!

    What's with the product placements anyway? The phone and the camera.... so NOT subtle....

    I pray every day that Flo and Zach would be eliminated next week. But I'm remembering a rumour that I read a long time ago...

    metwin1

  9. #9
    FORT Fanatic springkey's Avatar
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    we so could have edited some of that darn whining and had a roadblock. “First team member to gag Flo wins” Golly, it would have been great. Oh well.
    i have exactly the same thought!

  10. #10
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    Hmmm .... the newspapers here said that Phil said to expect the real unexpected.

    Gee ... what if Teri and Ian wins?

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