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Thread: Congratulations Zach! You’ve Won A Lifetime Supply Of Whine! TAR 3 Episode 7 recap

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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    Congratulations Zach! You’ve Won A Lifetime Supply Of Whine! TAR 3 Episode 7 recap

    Flo whines so much that Zach is an alcoholic by association. Why was I surprised to hear so much of that nasaly, twangy, loooooooong vowel saying, foot stomping, eye rolling woman last night? I shouldn’t have been. Maybe I thought that the editors were tired of having their ears bleed every week, so they would decide to cut her out of 99% of the show. No such luck. Flo, you bug the crap out of me.

    Time to get the particulars out of the way:
    The show starts at the pit stop in Marrakech. They get $1.00 for this leg.
    Teams must get to Munich and locate Kasperle, a beloved puppet for their next clue.
    Then it’s off to Austria by train.
    Find the Pillar of Saint Ana
    Get Detour clue.
    DETOUR Sled or Skate: Teams must either bobsled with a professional team at an Olympic track or participate in a skating relay with a team of pro speed skaters.
    FAST FORWARD Find a surfer riding a standing wave, get his attention, get clue.
    ROADBLOCK Get to the Gondola Nordkette. 1 team member must descend 230 feet down from a gondola to retrieve info.
    PIT STOP A meadow beneath the Neuschwanstein Castle in Fussen Germany.

    I’ll start like I always do. In order of teams leaving the pit stop

    Teri and Ian 3:25am
    It’s looking like a good day already, as Teri opens the clue and DOES NOT throw the trash on the ground. Ian tells us they enjoy being up front and as long as they can run a clean race from here on out, things are looking good. They head to the airport and get an early flight out of Marrakech.
    Ian informs us that he’s lived longer than a lot of the other teams. Which ones hasn’t he lived longer than? Just curious to se if he thinks some of the other teams look older or not.
    They land in Munich at 5:30pm, they’ve been on the road for 13 hours and 55 minutes! Teri and Ian are the first to arrive at the puppet show and these two are nicer to Kasperle than they have been to anyone or thing this entire race. Between the two of them they must have thanked him 6 times. I again begin to wonder about them. Were they abused by a puppet in their youth? Why does he deserve their respect and gratitude when humans don’t?
    Upon reaching the Pillar of Saint Ana Ian counts the clues still in the box. He knows they are still in first place and this pleases him. Teri punches him in the chest. Alright, she opens the clues “zipper” and accidentally hits him. He does say “Ow” though. Again, I am happy as I see Ian holding onto the trash. After reading the clue they realize they are about to hit an equalizer as the hours of operation for the detour are 8am to 7:30pm. They decide to head to the bobsledding area incase there is a sign up sheet. There’s no sheet, but there are numbers. These two get number one and head off to take a nap. Teri dresses in a lovely baked potato outfit and they camp out. They awaken hours later by the sounds of the great equalizer. They meet up with The Twins, The Bro’s and J.V. and Jill.
    Both loved the bobsledding, thought it was awesome. When they get to the road their cab (Yes, THEIR cab) is waiting for them and they head off for the next clue.
    They ride the gondola to get their roadblock clue and it’s Teri who will descend. Ian actually cheers her on from down below. Ken tells her to watch that first step.
    While waiting for the gondola to take them back to the parkinglot Teri notices the twins’ clue and tells them where it is. Amazingly Ian doesn’t get mad. Unfortunately they must have really alienated some of the teams as Derek and Drew won’t even let them peek at the map book during the 5 minute gondola ride.
    This doesn’t deter them and they head off in their car to the Pit Stop. They arrive……

    Flo and Zach 5:19am
    Zach admits to us that he and Flo have had their ups and downs. I don’t know why some people insist on stating the obvious. It has been mentioned here at the FORT that Flo started whining 7 minutes into the show last night. I have to differ with this assessment. The show may have been on for 7 minutes, but if you take out the “last wee” moments, the opening credits, the 1st set of commercials, and airtime given to other teams, you would know that she actually started her whining 2.4 seconds into last nights show. Apparently rabid cats were attacking her while the two were lost in the pit stop. Yes… lost in the pit stop!
    Upon their arrival at the airport Flo whines again. This time it’s to a ticket agent. “Wheeeeerrrreeeee do I buuuuyyyyyyy ticccccccckkkkkkkets?”
    Uhg, it’s going to be a long hour.
    The two decide to align with John Vito and Jill while in airports. I don’t get that strategy at all.
    Derek informs Flo that the lines have been drawn and he can see clearly now. Flo smiles and tells him she doesn’t like to be nasty. He immediately calls her on it and lets her no that she’s very good at it, and that she is the dirtiest player left in the game, it’s just her nature. Realizing that he’s right she goes for a new approach: She sticks out her chest, smiles a coy little smile, moves her shoulders in a “Yeah, but look at my boobs and maybe you’ll forget all that” manor.
    It doesn’t work.
    This doesn’t mean she’ll give up though. She tries the move on the ticket agent Casablanca. She speaks Italian to him. Telling him that she needs him to sell tickets to her and her friends but NOT to Andre and Damon behind them. They are in a compitition and it will really hurt her if they are on the same flight. The funny thing here is that she finally got someone to notice her boobs. The ticket agent is smiling crazily and agreeing to everything she says.
    He doesn’t understand a word of Italian. They are in Casablanca.
    She’s an idiot and wears the idiots grin as she feels so damn proud that she’s “screwed” 911.
    Meanwhile ticket agent is thinking: Ah, ein netter italienischer Wein, spreche leider für sie, ich Deutsch. Glücklicherweise erhalte für mich, ich einen guten Spaltung Schuß. =Ah, a nice Italian wine, unfortunately for her, I speak German. Fortunately for me, I get a good cleavage shot.
    She is on stand by….. just like everyone else.
    They arrive in Munich at 10:30pm and Flo is already whining again about being so far behind everyone else. They MUST go for the Fast Forward. Hmmmm…. Andrew and Dennis have to drive a tank….. Derek and Drew must climb a pole, then “ride” down it by hanging upside-down from ropes and spinning their way to the ground. Ken and Gerard must find one typist among hundreds in a crowded market place. These two get to flag down a surfer….. Someone tell me how that’s fair?!
    Since they cant find the surfer at this late hour they decide to go ahead and get a hotel for the evening. Flo spots one that costs 25. Zach wants to check the youth hotel. Remember here that they only got a dollar for this leg. They’ve had to take taxi’s and trains, and eat. Now they need to find a place to sleep.
    “Noooooooooooo, I won’t go looooooowwwwwweeeeeeeerrrrrrrr than 25. It’s groooooooooooossssssssss. It’s Naaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssty.”
    Flo, it’s a room. With a bed. And CNN. And breakfast. It’ 25 freakin whatevers. Jeez woman shut up!
    They are up and out of the ghetto hotel at 6:30 and off to find the surfer. They get his attention. Of course, it’s not like this was a hard FF or anything, and head off for the Pit Stop. Flo continues to whine and worry that they are still last. She’s whining all the way up to the mat. She even manages to whine when Phil tells them where they place. They arrive….

    Ken and Gerard 5:20am
    They both fel as though they have been flying under the radar. They are feeling really good about how the race is going. They seem to be getting cocky.
    They head off for Casablanca to catch a flight, and wind up on stand by like most other teams. They arrive in Munich at 8pm and head off to find the puppet. I was hoping for some great repertoire between Ken and the Puppet, but they showed us NOTHING!!!
    While waiting for a train to Austria we are treated to what could have been the worst imitation of Ian ever. It was still funny as hell, but I must say Gerard somehow managed to wind up sounding like a cross between Ed Sullivan and Flo.
    They get the third ticket to do the bob sledding and camp out to wait their turn.
    Ken informs us that not only is he afraid of heights, but he’s afraid of speed too. Huh, I’m afraid of Speed 2, but only because it took place on an ocean liner and was possibly the worst sequal ever made.
    Ken asks if he can put his feet dwon during the sled ride. Gerard points out that its not “the Flinstonesmobile”.
    Although they had asked for the cab to be back at 8:30, there isn’t a cab in sight. Kken decides to flag down a passing motorist and see if they can use a cell phone.
    TIP: If you are Ken, and your with Gerard, John Vito and Jill and a male motorist comes driving up, PUT JILL OUT THERE TO FLAG HIM DOWN.
    Unfortunately this tip comes to late, and Ken tries to get the cars to stop himself. It doesn’t work.
    It also doesn’t matter, as their cab comes moments later.They tell J.V. and Jill that they will have their cabbie call for another one. They then tell the cabbie not to worry about doing that quickly, to take his time.
    Gerard chooses to do the Roadblock and the only call of support he gets from Ken on the ground, is in the form of a question: “You got a load in your pants?”
    Once in the car and on their way to the Pit Stop Gerard tells Ken to follow the twins. Ken informs Gerard that they haven’t gotten anything right yet. They decide to find their own way. Somehow Ken manages to get a hole in his front left tire. It’s leaking. Ken decides to drive on anyway. By the time they get it to a gas station (Where Miracles Are Made) their tire is resembling pizza topping, and they are almost riding on the rim. Even the mechanic can’t help but laugh at these two. He changes their tire and receives a round of applause. Ken and Gerard head off for the pit stop. They are sure they are last. They have had a blast so far, but know it’s over. They are hours behind. Phil is not smiling. Not even grinning.
    These two arrive…

    Derek and Drew 5:27am
    They are having fun and enjoying their alliance with Oh Brother. They acknowledge that it has been beneficial. They get a flight out of Marrakech to Casablanca and wind up on a stand by flight with most other teams.
    They arrive in Munich at 8pm and try to decide whether or not to wait for Ken and Gerard. While they are pondering, K&G catch up. Dilemma solved. They find Kasperle, and head off for the train station.
    They are a part of the party that awakens Teri and Ian from their much-needed beauty sleep while they wait to Bobsled.
    They are the second team to go and inform us that it was more intense than they expected.
    Drew is the lucky wonder twin to perform the roadblock. He is very happy that Teri gets to go first as the harness looked cheap and flimsy. Drew, honey, your hat looks cheap and flimsy, but it’s keeping your head warm isn’t it?
    Once they complete the task Derek manages to lose his clue. He tells us that he has LOOKED for it, but doesn’t know where it is. Enter Teri. She tells him where it is and they all get on the gondola to descend to the parking lot to head off. In the Gondola D&D have a map book but Derek says “No info for free bro” and Drew agrees. Just how much is that clue worth to you guys? It wouldn’t have been for free. You could have been a gondola ride or two behind everyone else, but thanks to Teri you weren’t. This move wins you the ASS of This Leg of The Race Award.
    They are in the lead as four teams head off for the pit Stop. They have the map. Everyone knows they have the map. Derek and Drew turn left. Everyone else turns right.
    They argue in their car about their lack of map reading skills and plan. Drew is pissed as he yells at Derek to find Fussen ON THE MAP. Drew looks for the CLUE to find the WORD Fussen. Earlier they were sharing a brain. I think that Derek has full custody of it at the moment. They get themselves back on track and arrive……

    John Vito and Jill 5:32am
    I must start by saying that my daughter actually didn’t realize Jill. She wanted to know who it was. Her hair was down and of course, she looked beautiful.
    They thank their cabbie as he drops them at the airport. They thank the ticket agent. They thank the flight attendants. They thank the pilot and co pilot. They thank the people at Boeing. They thank the cameraman. They thank the viewers. They thank my dog.
    John Vito and Jill arrive in Munich at 8pm and head off for the puppet. I actually think for a split second that Jill is contemplating jumping the rail insteand of climbing down the 2 flights of stairs to get the clue.
    They catch up with the other teams at the Equalizer that is the bobsledding event, and are 4th to take the ride. They of course thank their bobsled team members.
    They hare the last team to get a cab to take them to the Roadblock portion of this leg of the race.
    Jill does the roadblock and looks as though she may actually barf as she watches dome others go before her. She makes her way back to John Vito and together they Thank the gondola operators. They thank the ADOT (Austrian Department Of Transportation) for paving the roads.
    They start to follow Ken and Gerard to the castle, but ditch them after Ken makes his unscheduled visit to Maria Von Trapp’s private drive. They thank Julie Andrews.
    They head off for the Pit stop to Thank Phil and arrive……

    Andre and Damon 7:04am
    I had been waiting for these two to leave, as I wanted to know just how far behind they were due to their detainment in the last leg. They are 1 hour and 34 minutes behing John Vito and Jill.
    I am already worried. Not because of the time, but because I hear what I’ve been hearing from every eliminated team so far this year. “We’re not quitters. We are not giving up”
    They take a cab to the airport in Casablanca and have made up all the time they lost in the previous leg. The only team not there is Teri and Ian.
    Andre and Damon are standing behind Flo as she pulls her “Bitch of The Year” award winning moment, and they know something is up. When they get to the ticket counter they get on stand by JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. Unfortunately, they don’t get a good flight out. I wish I could blame Flo for this, but her and Zach don’t get a good flight either, and Andre and Damon were the last ones on the Stand By list. Not because of Flo, but because of timing.
    They finally get to Paris and hop a bus to another terminal. They are on the bus with ONE other person, and she happens to work for the airline tohey want tickets from from. She will help them! Unfortunately there is nothing she can do, and they are stuck there until morning.
    I worry again, as there is more talk of catching up. I don’t even think they believe it because they walk to the puppet show.
    They hop the train to Austria and decide it’s a good time for a nap. These two nap right through their stop on the train and need to back track to get to the Pillar of Saint Ana. By the time they get there, the clue instructs them to come straight to the Pit Stop. This of course means that they arrive……

    PIT STOP

    1. Flo and Zach (2nd)
    2. Derek and Drew (4th)
    3. John Vito and Jill (5th)
    4. Teri and Ian (1st)
    5. Ken and Gerard (3rd)
    6. Damon and Andre (6th)

    So we say good-bye to team 911. I must say that throughout the entire race, I kept wishing they would do better. They played a fair game and it was a pleasure to watch them. I wish them both the best of luck in the future.

    To read The FORT interview with this team click HERE

    If you would like to contact the author of this article please email: cali@fansofrealitytv.com
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    but he’s afraid of speed too. Huh, I’m afraid of Speed 2, but only because it took place on an ocean liner and was possibly the worst sequal ever made.
    The whole thing was funny, but this one made the dog look at me funny as I burst out laughing.

    Good job, Cali!

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    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    Cali! Fantastic! I didn't think it was possible, but this is even funnier than last week's recap!

    Here are a couple of my faves. I really try to limit them so I don't just end up copying your whole post, but I think I went over 3.

    It’s looking like a good day already, as Teri opens the clue and DOES NOT throw the trash on the ground
    ****
    but if you take out the “last wee” moments, the opening credits, the 1st set of commercials, and airtime given to other teams, you would know that she actually started her whining 2.4 seconds into last nights show. Apparently rabid cats were attacking her while the two were lost in the pit stop.
    *****
    : She sticks out her chest, smiles a coy little smile, moves her shoulders in a “Yeah, but look at my boobs and maybe you’ll forget all that” manor.
    It doesn’t work.
    ******
    . It was still funny as hell, but I must say Gerard somehow managed to wind up sounding like a cross between Ed Sullivan and Flo.
    *****
    Earlier they were sharing a brain. I think that Derek has full custody of it at the moment.
    *****
    They start to follow Ken and Gerard to the castle, but ditch them after Ken makes his unscheduled visit to Maria Von Trapp’s private drive. They thank Julie Andrews.
    They head off for the Pit stop to Thank Phil and arrive……
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
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    JR.
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    The entire Flo & Zach write-up
    OK I stand corrected, 2.4 seconds

    Ken informs us that not only is he afraid of heights, but he’s afraid of speed too. Huh, I’m afraid of Speed 2, but only because it took place on an ocean liner and was possibly the worst sequal ever made.
    They thank their cabbie as he drops them at the airport. They thank the ticket agent. They thank the flight attendants. They thank the pilot and co pilot. They thank the people at Boeing. They thank the cameraman. They thank the viewers. They thank my dog......They of course thank their bobsled team members.
    ...........Thank the gondola operators. They thank the ADOT (Austrian Department Of Transportation) for paving the roads.

    Great job Cali!

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    Combat Missions Fan Wolf's Avatar
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    Great job once again, Cali!

    Flo, you bug the crap out of me.
    You and me both. And I'm confident to say that there are tons more people out there that would agree with us.

    Apparently rabid cats were attacking her while the two were lost in the pit stop. Yes… lost in the pit stop!
    Upon their arrival at the airport Flo whines again. This time it’s to a ticket agent. “Wheeeeerrrreeeee do I buuuuyyyyyyy ticccccccckkkkkkkets?”
    Rabid cats!! Even by just looking at Flo's words make my ears hurt.

    Earlier they were sharing a brain. I think that Derek has full custody of it at the moment.

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    For Your Entertainment lobeck's Avatar
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    Why bother quoting when I'd end up quoting the whole thing!?!?! Great job once again, Cali...

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    FORT Fanatic springkey's Avatar
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    They thank their cabbie as he drops them at the airport. They thank the ticket agent. They thank the flight attendants. They thank the pilot and co pilot. They thank the people at Boeing. They thank the cameraman. They thank the viewers. They thank my dog.

    i thot i was the only to realise that john vito and jill had been thanking wwwwaaayyyy too much...
    i mean...that's NOT a BAD thing...but this is getting a bit toooo much...

  8. #8
    LG.
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    Super job, Cali. Asses of the Week and Bitch of the Year, I'd say this was an award winning recap!
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

  9. #9
    muddy amna's Avatar
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    quote:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Flo, you bug the crap out of me.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Who doesn't she bug the crap out of?She was complaining/whining from the first moment they left the pit stop.She sabotaged A/D's tickets but at least she got a slap in the face after J/J left on the Air France flight.whhhiinnnneee

  10. #10
    Princess
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    Cali!! Great job! So funny
    Found something that no-one had quoted yet!
    Teri and Ian are the first to arrive at the puppet show and these two are nicer to Kasperle than they have been to anyone or thing this entire race. Between the two of them they must have thanked him 6 times. I again begin to wonder about them. Were they abused by a puppet in their youth? Why does he deserve their respect and gratitude when humans don’t?

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