“I’m Gonna Take His Girl”

At the Pit Stop we get to see Gary in nothing but a towel…. I already know I’ll be joining thousands of Americans having nightmares tonight.

CLUE: Go to Bangkok and find a flower market, go to a specific vendor and get your next clue.

Chris and Alex leave first, they are followed by Mary and Peach, Tara and Wil (Wil, remember him? He’s lasted the 12 hour pit stop being humble), Blake and Paige, Gary and Dave, and finally Oswald and Danny.

Gary decides it’s just a tragedy that the English never colonized Thailand, as no one here speaks English! Tsk, Tsk! Blake on the other hand decides it may be worth while to LEARN some of the language!

Oswald is feeling down, and all his fight has left him. It may seriously just be his time of the month.

The flower market is the largest in Thailand. I would venture a little farther and say that it is possibly the largest in the world….. hell maybe the universe! This is actually why the aliens visit earth… fresh flowers.

Chris and Alex find the clue first, they have walked around the market forever, and finally see the flags.

CLUE: Find the Old Bridge near Chaing Mai. Teams must travel 500 miles by train to Chaing Mai then find local transportation to get them to the bridge.

Mary and Peach have found the clue, and then a taxi driver.
Mary: Do you know how to get to the train station? Train? Train?
Taxi Driver: Elevator!
Mary: Train?
Taxi Driver: Laundry!
Mary: Train?
Taxi Driver: BowFlex!
Mary: Train?
Taxi Driver: Wool Hat!
Mary: Train?
Taxi Driver: OK!


Again we realize that this episode is yet another great equalizer. The train does not leave until 3pm.
The teams find out that the RAPID TRAIN takes 15 hours to get there. If you’ve been reading this you may remember that I’ve mentioned that this is a 500-mile trip. RAPID must have a different meaning in Thailand, as this train will be moving at the lightening speed of just over 33 miles an hour.

A few teams decide to take this time to shop. Tara and Wil go shopping, followed closely by Chris and Alex. Alex and Tara are flirting like crazy, walking arm in arm or hand in hand. Tara seems a little too happy about how much this is bothering Wil.

Mary buys a shirt, and is very happy. Peach buys NOTHING, but wanted a pair of pants.

Peach You got your shirt and I got Zippo, Nada, nuttin’ ‘cause you didn’t want me to.
Mary You’re so dramatic
Peach No, it’s OUR money, not MY money. It’s only dramatic ‘cause I WANTED something but YOU GOT something.
Mary Oh my gosh
Peach I gave up clothing for you. If you want, I’ll sell my remaing clothes.
Mary Oh my gosh
Peach I want YOU to be happy, so I’ll sacrafice.
Mary Oh my GOSH
Peach Anything for you
Mary oh gosh.
Peach I respect you so I didn’t buy them
Mary I only wanted you to barter
Peach Forget it.

On the train.
Os 5 Star hotels are worth every penny, we’re going to be riding with real people, can you believe it?
Danny yeah

Wil plays with some kid. Dare I say it’s cute? Nah….

Fourteen and a half hours later they reach their destination. I notice that MAYBE, just MAYBE I am the idiot, as Wil’s fashion sense seems to be catching. Now Alex, Tara, Danny, Oswald, Gary and Dave are ALL WEARING WOOL HATS!!!!!

When TAR says OLD BRIDGE what they really mean is OLD FRICKIN’ BRIDGE. This thing has been carbon dated and apparently was built by cave men when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

DETOUR Teams must decide whether to raft down a river on rafts borrowed from Survivor’s “Rotu Raft Making Company” or ride an elephant to their next clue.

All teams choose RAFT.

Mary and Peach are kicking some serious ass on the raft, while Gary and Dave thought that Taiwanese for Jousting is rafting, and proceed to try to knock the girls off their steed.

Tara and Wil are going sideways. Wil has obviously studied under Survivor John, “How NOT to raft/boat 101”

Wil If you want to go right, push on the right side
Tara No you’re an idiot
Wil You’ll learn. I’m pushing on the right side to go right. You row I’ll steer.
Tara Shut Up
Wil I’ll steer, ‘cause you don’t know how this works. You row.
Tara Idiot
Wil Admit you’re wrong
Tara You can’t even row a boat
Wil I’m steering. Right goes right
Tara Idiot

Mary and Peach land first.
CLUE Take one of these 4X4’s to a hard surface road then go north to Mae Ping.

Peach It’s a good thing you can read a compass. I can only read the direction finder in the mall

Chris and Alex and Tara and Wil are the last two teams to arrive.
Wil We’re the last teams out
Alex There is no way we are the last two teams.

HMMMMM. 2 cars left + 2 teams getting cars = last two teams.

We have now discovered that not only are Wil and Alex fighting over Tara, but they are also fighting over the title of “BIGGEST IDIOT IN THE WORLD” since this title comes with a new wool hat, Wil is giving it his all.

Wil passes Chris and Alex once they are on the road. Alex comments that they should follow them as they “know the area” , well, well, I see no furniture stores around, only PLANTS….. interesting.


ROADBLOCK

Team member doing this task must not mind getting wet. They have to wash the ceremonial markings off of elephants in order to receive next clue.



WASHERS:
Mary
Dave ( I guess it’s Dave…. He’s bald.
Blake (hee heee, Blake gets pooped on.
Oswald (Os had the chance as a child to wash an elephant, but he was too much of a diva. He has always regretted not doing it then. Interesting regrets this guy has! )
Alex
Wil

Tara takes this time to flirt with CHRIS!

PIT STOP

KAREN VILLAGE (Ha, they do speak English, and even named a village after my cousin!)

1st Mary and Peach
2nd Gary and Dave
3rd Blake and paige
4th Oswald and Danny
5th Tara and Alex….. errrrr, I mean Wil
6th Chris and Tara …. Errrrrr I mean Alex

Non Elimination round…. Snooze……..