*****WARNING*******
I failed on my promise to really ream Wil about the jeep incident........This is also VERY long..... sorry.

"Help Me I'm American" Episode 2


Clue for first leg of race: Go to the blue taxi’s and take one to a Samba Club. Match the given feather to a dancer at the club. She will give you your next clue.

Tara and PAW (Punk Ass Wil) leave at 11:06 pm. PAW lets us know that he is the hot head and Tara is the calm one. Remember that.

At dock: Tara: “Are these ALL blue taxi’s right here?”….. Uh, Tara dear, there are ten teams left and they will all get the SAME CLUE… YES THEY ARE ALL BLUE TAXI’S.

11:34 Cyndi and Russel leave
11:35 Shola and Doyin leave

Flash to “calm” Tara in cab: “He’s driving us around in circles now”

Cyndi and Russel are in their cab. They realize that their driver is having a problem finding the place. He stops for directions. There is an angel in the window where he stops, and our ministers know this is a good sign.

Calm Tara (CT): “UNO SEIS OCHO UNO”
Cabbie: “Yeah, yeah”
CT: “Yeah yeah? Oh that’s great yeah yeah”

Ministers arrive at the club. It is full of women dancing the forbidden dance in G-Strings. Just another night out for these two I’m sure.

CT and PAW arrive at club. Paw is trying to pay the cabbie, CT is yelling to give him half the fare, then none at all. She gets in cabbies face and yells “You suck dude, dude you sucked”, well dear, maybe the ride wasn’t so bad after all, too bad he wasn’t OZ and Dans driver, they may never have arrived.

The ministers are leaving the club and Russells face is beet red. He can’t seem to stop smiling.

PAW and CT leave club and get into what I’m pretty sure is the same cab.
CT: “Let’s go … MOO RAPIDOH” even if they were in a Spanish speaking country, I’m pretty sure no one would have understood her.

CT reads next clue: “PAYDRAW BONE-EAT-AW (Pedra Bonita) is waiting for you high above SOW CONRAWDO BEACH with the next clue.

Flash to club and see TWIN GRIN. Not sure these two want to leaveJ

12:19am Paige and Blake and Hope and Norm leave
12:20 Chris and Alex
12:45 Mary and Peach
12:46 Oz and Dan

At the club Blake is dancing with the girls, rather he’s trying to dance, his line dancing moves don’t quite work in this dirty dancing club! In the cab he keeps telling Paige how hot the girls were.

CT in Cab: “We’ve been driving for hours, WHY DID YOU SAY YOU KNOW WHERE YOU”RE GOING????” Camera is on cabbies face. He would like to go postal on these two, but bites his tongue, I’m pretty sure I see blood dripping down his chin. He is now wondering why he didn’t take that job at the Sewer Maintenance Plant that his cousin offered him.

1:24 Gary and Dave leave “We may not have smarts, we may not have looks, but we’ve got heart. You know that a tortoise isn’t very smart, but he won the race… ba-doo ba-doo, ba-doo ba-doo”

1:32 Grannies leave. Peg says Caire is the fast one. I’m pretty sure I saw a snail pass them a minute ago.

Cyndi and Russel get to Pedra Bonita. I’m sure PAW and CT’s cabbie stopped to fill out the application with his cousin.

DETOUR “FREAK OUT or SEEK OUT” Hang glide to a beach and be given a clue or find a clue buried within a mile and half stretch of sand with a metal detctor.

Twins exit cab. It rolls over Doyins left foot… do I know it’s Doyin? No, of course not, but it reads easier than: “One of the twins’s left feet”. I have no idea which one it is. He is OK, he gets up and hops around on his foot.
Note to TARA ~ Doyin is reassuring cabbie that it’s OK, knows it was an accident. All’s cool. This cabbie, I’m sure won’t apply at the sewer plant.

Twins decide to go for the FF: Get 10 points against a pro volleyball team on the beach.

Grannies see detour and decide to go for FF too. Claire played volleyball in high school, it’s not that hard. Dear, that was FIFTY years ago!

Gary and Dave decide to go for FF also.

Grannies see twins at court “Dammit, the twins are there, we’re out of luck”
Gary and Dave find out they can at least still try. Woody Allen asks twins how their volleyball skills are: “not great, how about yours? “Well, I watch Baywatch”

Grannies want to try Metal detectors but other teams try to convince them to hang glide Tara tells them “You’ll have to relinquish your ‘Gutsi Grandma’ shirts if you don’t do it.

Twins win the FF.
Gary and dave realize there are some sports they’re not good at and volleyball is one of them. They decide to try the metal detectors. After two hang gliders have left, Gary and Dave wisely give up and head for hang gliders.

Peggy freaks out when she realizes that she has to run.

First Hang gliders get next clue: Travel by bus to FOZ DO IGUACU.
Just a bit of advice here. If ever in Brazil avoid taking a bus like the plague.

Grannies want to get metal detectors. Peggy is sure they will die if they get on hang gliders.
THEY DO IT…. WOO HOO. Big hug for the instructor.

Gary and Dave are in last place. They read that they have to get to the bus station by any means possible. Woody suggests the hang glider. They take a cab.

Sholin twisted his knee during volleyball. Again, I have no idea who it was. I just feel confidant that it was the “other” one as he’s wearing a different shirt. My daughter says it’s the next day… oh well, I just don’t know.

1st bus: Twins, CT and PAW, Chris and Alex. 22 hours on this bus folks.
2nd bus: Cyndi and Russel, Oz and Dan and Mary and Peach.
Gary and Dave and Grannies leave on different buses at the same time.
Blake and Paige would have been on one of those, but Blake lost the wallet. Grannies realize this is their big break.

A man writes “Please help, we’re American and need money for the bus” on a paper for Blake to hold up while begging for money. I’m pretty sure (if my Portuguese is right) that it really said “Bus fare will get you a night with my American sister” They got plenty of money.

Hope and Norm and Paige and Blake are on the last bus.

1st bus blows a tire. One of the Boston boys decides they need to fix it themselves! Way to go guys.
Gary and Daves bus breaks down. They flag down a new bus and hitch a ride. Woody Allen thinks he’s promised someone his first born, he doesn’t realize he promised them a role in his next movie.

Next clue: FIND MACUCO SAFARI. YOU CAN TAKE A JEEP TO IGUAZO FALLS. Remember how I teased Tara about her pronunciation? Here’s your shot at teasing mme about my spelling!

CT wants to wait for Boston Boys. PAW agrees, then does a crappy Mario Andretti impersonation and takes off out of the parking lot. Too bad, he is not up to Indi standards, and his jeep cuts off.
He then flags down Boston Boys ~ Chris and Alex (BB).” There must be something wrong woth this jeep dudes. It just took the hell off out of the parking lot when I was trying to wait for you, so I broke it so you could catch up, I’m so damn nice”
CT tells him he’s horrible. He tells her to shut up.
BB agree to let CT and PAW follow them. Tara has no problem driving the jeep.

ROAD BLOCK ~ Only one team member can do this. The one must have good eyesight and a keen sense of direction. Tara and, shoot I don’t know, Alex? Go. Tara impresses me by actually enjoying the scenery. Alex, admits he has a crush on Tara, again I don’t really know, it could have been Chris. That’s nice dear, whoever the hell you are, but she is MARRIED.

Next Clue: Get to PIT STOP.
1st Twins
2nd Chris and Alex
3rd Tara and Will (Wil is now very cocky.. it’s only episode 2 man, chill)
4th Mary and Peach (Wow, I didn’t realize they were still here)
5th Gary and Dave
6th Cyndi and Russel
7th Oz and Danny (They must have been hanging with Mary and Peach)


Peggy and Claire know they are last. They don’t care as the falls were worth it. They walk by the other teams who are standing silently.

8th Peggy and Claire (The teams run out cheering, to hug them)

Blake and Paige borrow some guys map, and trace it secretly, while still on the bus.

9th Blake and Paige

That leaves Hope and Norm in last place. They have had a wonderful time and are still SO in love… Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh