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Thread: Ugly American Spotted in Marrakech TAR3 episode 6 recap

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    Ugly American Spotted in Marrakech TAR3 episode 6 recap

    I happened to be in Marrakech for the snail races last month. Being a betting woman I put down a bundle on the “C” car to win it all…. Buy was I depressed when I hear the announcer yell “LOOK AT THAT “S” CAR GO”…. Hahahah “escargot”…..

    Not funny eh?… oh well! When else am I ever going to be able to tell that joke?

    So we start this leg of the race with teams leaving the Borj Nord and needing to drive themselves to “Hussan II Mosque” in Casablanca.
    There they will get their next clue, informing them that they need to go by train to Palmerie in Marrakech.
    If they choose not to do this, they can try for this leg’s Fast Forward. The FF involves going to a crowded market, finding a carpet shop, and then going through hundreds of carpets to find the one with the Fast Forward.
    That is where they will find this weeks detour. A choice between riding horses a short distance, and digging in the sand for a clue, or taking “Sand Bikes”, that look an awful lot like ATV’s a longer distance to a readily available clue.
    That clue they find at the detour sends them to the Café Glacier for the road block.
    One team member must help a street vendor set up his shop, then sell five bowls of escargot…. Look at that “S” car go …. At least I make myself laugh
    After selling the slug (may I mention that slugs are just homeless snails, and last week on fear factor it was a stunt to eat them), the teams get the Pit Stop information.
    Get to rooftop of The Riad Catalina.

    Again I cover the teams in order:

    Ken and Gerard 4:31am
    These two hit the ground running. They jump into their car and head off to find Casablanca. They have a map, but decide to hire a cab to lead the way. This suprises me, as they have no idea what they have in store, and they only received %50.00 for this leg of the race. Seemed rather risky to me.
    Luckily they still have Derek, Drew, Andre and Damon riding their coattails, so I will assume that the three teams split the cost.
    They get to Casablanca with out incident and have a police officer (cops are our friends) give them directions to the Mosque.
    They HAVE to walk IN the mosque, which leads me to believe that Heather and Eve actually received this clue on their fateful day.
    Our unlikely Heroes head off to the train station and arrive at 9 O’clock. Lady luck must also be riding their coat tails, as the next train departs at 9:10.
    Upon reaching the detour they decide to hitch a ride on Mr. Ed.
    This is one part of the recap where you wish Paulie, Fluff, LG, or Eny were writing the recap. I can not find the words to describe the hilarity in watching Ken trying to mount a horse. All I can think of (I apologize in advance) is, imagine Walter Mathieu making Bad News Bears Go To The Rodeo.
    They manage to get lead their horses to the flag, but after diggin’ it doggie style (insert your own Ken joke here) they give up and head back to the ATV’s. They have no problem following the route, and make get their next clue. They have someone translate it for them, and find themselves at the Café Glacier with hours to kill before they are able to get to the rooftop for the next rout marker. They are among many teams racing to the roof, and manage to be the 3rd to get the clue. Gerard decides to sell the escargot, and keeps asking people for the money. I need the money, I need the money. I was waiting for a loud “SHOW ME THE MONEY”, but it never happened. He finally sells his fifth bowl and runs across the street, reminding me of a squirrel who doesn’t know which way to run when the Buick is heading straight for him. He retrieves Ken and they hail a cab. Off to the Riad Catalina. They arrive………

    Andre and Damon 4:37

    Team 911 is happy to be in second place, and freely admit to needing the alliance. I’m glad they admit it, as it is painfully obvious that with out it they would be lost, probably find themselves detained in some foreign country with the police asking them to surrender their passports. Luckily, they have Ken and Gerard to follow! Whew.
    I’d like to add a lot about how they get where they are going, but since I presume you’ve already read Ken and Gerard's paragraph, there isn’t much to add. They make the 9:10 train, and decide to ride the ATV to get the clue.
    They take off first, and get lost. Of course, the only logical thing to do at this point is…. Follow the twins! After getting their clue we are treated to a “diary moment”. We are told that they don’t know what Glacier means, and they can’t decipher Arabic, so they decide to…….. Follow the twins! Surprise
    Upon reaching the Glacier Café, they are smart enough to realize that they have hit a mini equalizer. They meet up with 4 other teams. They all wait for the rooftop café to open.
    They are the first up the stairs and Dre decides to be the market man. He does a fine job selling his bowls of escargot, and finishes first. The two head off for a cab. Whew, on the way to the Pitstop. Silly Andre and Damon… when you’re first there is no one to follow!
    I have written a little song to explain the rest of their adventure
    Sing to the tune of Gilligans Island

    Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
    A tale of a fateful trip
    That started out in Marrekech
    A town that is quit hip.

    The firefighter was a mighty following man,
    His partner was a cop
    two passengers set off that day
    to get to the pit stop, the pit stop

    The taxi started getting lost,
    The driver did not know
    If not for the courage of the fearless crew
    The duo could leave the show.

    The cab set ground on the curb of this uncharted little town
    With Andre
    And Damon too,
    The cabbie and his car,
    The villagers
    And the rest,
    Here in no-mans land.

    So this is the tale of team 911
    They're here for a long, long haul,
    They’ve been detained by the cops
    And need to make a call
    .

    the security team of the show,
    Will do their very best,
    To grease the palms of the cops,
    And all the rest.

    They finnaly make it out of there,
    Thanks to lots of dough,
    They head off to meet Phill,
    And manage to do so.


    They arrive……..

    Derek and Drew 4:44am
    I was glad to hear them admit to Ken and Gerard’s strengths. I have been giving Andre and Damon a hard time for their following tactics, but in all honesty, I believe that the twins are doing the exact same thing. For that reason, this is going to be a very short paragraph.
    They get their first clue, and arrive at the train station in time to make the 9:10 train, where they find it necessary to complain that Andre and Damon keep following them. I just find it ironic. They arrive in Marrakech and seem to get a little freaked because the cab they are following makes a light, that they don’t. Somehow they still manage to make it to the detour, and waste no time deciding upon the ATV’s. They, like Andre and Damon before them, can’t seem to follow the marked path. It takes the brain power of all four to finally get the clue.
    They have a stranger translate for them and head off for the café. They are the 2nd team to retrieve the clue and Derek decides to do the selling. I have to admit, that he actually looked cute begging for people to buy his snails, when there were many other people selling the exact same thing! Derek winds up being the 4th to finish the roadblock. He goes to get his mirror, and by mirror I mean Drew of course, and the two head off for the pit stop. They arrive……

    Flo and Zach 5:24am
    Flo informs us that they enjoy being with John Vito and Jill. She says they are honest, so they wouldn’t hurt them. OK.
    They are driving to the first clue with JV and Jill behind them. Ian comes out of nowhere and passes them. Flo comments on Ian’s sense of direction and says she really doesn’t want to follow him. Me neither honey
    They get off the highway and have to stop and pay a toll. They see a man in an ugly a$$ hat, being loud and obnoxious. Zach actually has to ask if it’s Ian.
    They arrive at the mosque before the Ugly Americans and while walking out they spot a cab. Flo thinks it would be a good idea to ask the cab if she can hire him to lead the way to the train station. She converses with the cabbie in French, and HE AGREES TO LEAD THE WAY.
    Yes, I realize I typed that all in capitals, but it is important to note, that the cabbie thought his first job of the day was OVER!
    There is a confrontation with Ian (more on that in their paragraph) and Flo tries to explain that she didn’t know it was his cab. He now has his fingers in his ears as he sings loudly “I can’t hear you alalalalalalalalalal”
    Flo’s new goal is to beat Teri and Ian. At first I assume she means with a stick, unfortunately she just means in the race. Oh well, maybe later.
    They miss the 9:10 trains by minutes, and have to wait for the 11:10 train out. This of course means that they get the pleasure of seeing Teri and Ian arrive at the train station. After vomiting (again an assumption on my part…. It is what I would have done), Flo tries to convince Zach to go for the Fast Forward. Zach calmly tries to explain that they should wait on making any decisions about the FF until they know where the other teams are.
    Flo whines.
    When they see JV and Jill arrive Flo decides that they have to go for the FF. Zach asks if he should lie if JV and Jill ask them about their plans. Flo says he needs to let her handle it as she is a much better liar than he is.
    So, they get off the train and JV and Jill tell them that they are going to go for the FF.
    Flo’s excellent lying skills come in handy as she says “Oh, we want to too.” ??????????? If she’s better than Zach I’d hate to have heard what he would have said! Or maybe I would have loved to have heard it, I’ll never know for sure. They decide that only one of them should actually try, so they decide the way all great decisions are made. Rock, paper, scissors. JV and Jill win, and I must give Flo her props, as she was sincere in her wish if good luck.
    They arrive at the detour and of course choose the ATV’s. They find the clue quickly and head off for the café. Although they haul tail up the steps they are the 5th team to get the directions for the Road block. Flo is chosen to sell the snails and has a grand ol’ time shaking her bootie in a country that disapproves highly of such things. She still manages to sell her five bowls, because let’s face it, even if the Country disapproves, men are men, and like a good butt shaking no matter where they are from.
    She is the 5th to finish and they head off for the pit stop. They arrive……

    John Vito and Jill 5:24am

    These two get along great with each other and with Flo and Zach. This reaffirms my believe that the editing takes out entire chunks of people personalities, as I can’t see too many people getting along that well with Flo under these circumstances.
    They are on the road, following Flo and Zach to Casablanca when the radiator light turns on. John Vito notices right away, and as a credit to women everywhere Jill does NOT say “Well, if there’s a real problem, won’t we hear a buzzer or something”. Nope, she pulls over and the two stand at the side of the road watching the tail lights of their pals drive on down the road. These two were pissed that their pals didn’t stop. I could tell they were pissed because John Vito said “Hmmm, I woulda stopped for them”. Yes, that was it. No yelling, no whining, no taking about how unfair life is. They dealt with it, shrugged it off, and waited for a replacement vehicle to arrive.
    An hour later they were back on the road, and a tad worried that there was only one team behind them. They discussed going for the fast forward.
    They still made it to the train station in time to get the same train as Flo, Zach, Teri and Ian.
    Jill “won” the chance to go for the FF by cutting Flo’s paper, so they headed off to the carpet shop.
    When they arrive they find another team throwing rugs all over the place and yelling at ech other. I’ll leave it to you to decide who it was :rolleyes.
    The other team found the FF, so JV and Jill bounce off to go to the detour.
    They ride the ATV and find their clue.
    They are among the many teams waiting for the café to open. They are fourth to get the clue and Jill will be the salesgirl. She makes short work of setting up the stand, and manages to be the 2nd person to sell 5 bowls. She runs right into the street, almost being hit by four cars. She doesn’t notice as she is still high from the snail fumes. She is so excited that she learned an Arabic phrase and was able to ask patrons to buy her snails in their native tongue.
    They hop a cab, haul butt to the Pit Stop. These two arrive………

    Teri and Ian 5:28am

    Don’t let it be said that the editors don’t search for nice moments to show with these two. They kiss before ripping open the clue…. Then ruin the moment by littering ONCE A-FREAKIN’-GAIN. Uhg!
    We get to hear Ian's first words of the evening.
    HOO RAH.

    They are arguing already, and honestly they are giving me a headache. I find it very hard to watch these two. They are hard to recap as they do nothing but fight. Once they arrive in Marrakech, they hire a taxi to “lead them to the Mosque” yes, that’s what they hire the cab to do, get them to the Mosque .
    So when you are leading the way, it would make sense that you would arrive at the destination first. The cabbie does just that, and before Teri and Ian’s’ car stops he is approached by Flo. They have time to have an entire conversation, which ends in the cabbie agreeing to let them follow him to the train station. I would assume he agreed to that because his first job was FINISHED.
    Enter Ian. Screaming of course. He is officially the epitome of Ugly American.
    HE’S MINE, YOU WILL STAY HERE. THIS IS MY CAB. I HIRED HIM. MINE, MINE, MINE,MINE,MINE golly, he’s a loser.
    Teri even tries to tell him to let it go, that they can get another cab. Ian informs us that when he makes a decision, he MAKES a decision. It is final. It is law. I am God. You are my servant. I say it so it is so. Alright,, he may not have said all that, but I’m pretty sure he thought it.
    They get there clue and follow HIS cab to the train station. It’s a good thing he made such an ass out of himself as they only have an hour and a half to spare.
    Ian wants to go for the FF and although Teri has a legitimate argument against it, we all know that when Ian makes a decision, he MAKES a decision. Of course they go for the FF.
    Ian is actually helpful while looking and informs Teri that they have to look for the clue, so they should use their eyes. Thank God he’s there, she’d be lost with out him, down on all fours trying to sniff it out, or perhaps listening closely to all the carpets to see if she could hear it calling her.
    JV and Jill show up and start looking along side them, but unfortunately Ian's bright idea of using their eyes has paid off and they get the Fast Forward. Off to the rooftop of the Riad Catalina
    They arrive to see Phil rolling his eyes in disgust……………

    Aaron and Arianne 7:04am
    They are the last to leave, but are feeling upbeat and confidant. They can’t se the twins, and seem to have forgotten all about them. Thank God for small favors. They spend a few moments waxing nostalgic for legs gone by when they were at the head of the pack. They decide early on that they really need to go for the Fast Forward if they hope to remain in the game.
    They make their way to the detour and decide to take the ATV’s. Arianne screams causing Aaron to wreck. Surprise! Aaron asks her not to scream, which if you think about it, is like asking the sun not to rise, the stars not to shine, Ian not to be an idiot, Heather and Eve to walk…. You get the picture.
    I would like to try to add some suspense here. Lots of teams had to wait for the café to open, JV and Jill had their car overheat, Andre and Damon were detained by poice, there could be a chance that these two could catch up… unfortunately the sun is setting, and we know it is getting late. They retrieve the clue and head off to sell snails, but before they arrive TAR shows every other stepping onto the mat at the Pit Stop. Aaron and Arianne don’t quit, and Aaron does a fine job selling snails. I don’t actually know this to be true, as we don’t actually get to see it, but we do get to hear Arianne tell him he’s awesome, so I will go ahead and assume he did a good job. They don’t even bother running to the mat. They arrive……


    The Pit Stop at Riad Catalina

    1) Teri and Ian (6th)
    2) Flo and Zach (4th)
    3) Ken and Gerard (1st)
    4) Derek and Drew (3rd)
    5) John Vito and Jill (5th, but really tied for 4th)
    6) Damon and Andre (2nd)

    Meaning of course that Aaron and Arianne were Philiminated this week.
    They had a great time and treated us to a recess clapping game before they left.
    Congrats to them for making it this far! To read the FORT’s interview with Aaron and Arianne click HERE

    To reach the author of the recap send an email to: cali@fansofrealitytv.com

    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  2. #2
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Excellent job again, Cali! I loved the Gilligan's Island song!

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    LG.
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    Re: Ugly American Spotted in Marrakech TAR3 episode 6 recap

    Originally posted by cali
    I
    One team member must help a street vendor set up his shop, then sell five bowls of escargot…. Look at that “S” car go …. At least I make myself laugh

    . . . .. . . . . . . (and me too, Cali)

    I can not find the words to describe the hilarity in watching Ken trying to mount a horse. All I can think of (I apologize in advance) is, imagine Walter Mathieu making Bad News Bears Go To The Rodeo.

    . . . . . . .

    Flo’s new goal is to beat Teri and Ian. At first I assume she means with a stick, unfortunately she just means in the race. Oh well, maybe later.

    . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    Nope, she pulls over and the two stand at the side of the road watching the tail lights of their pals drive on down the road. These two were pissed that their pals didn’t stop. I could tell they were pissed because John Vito said “Hmmm, I woulda stopped for them”. Yes, that was it. No yelling, no whining, no taking about how unfair life is. They dealt with it, shrugged it off, and waited for a replacement vehicle to arrive.

    . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    Aaron asks her not to scream, which if you think about it, is like asking the sun not to rise, the stars not to shine, Ian not to be an idiot, Heather and Eve to walk…. You get the picture.

    Super job, Cali! Some of my favorite parts.
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

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    For Your Entertainment lobeck's Avatar
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    Excellent job once again, Cali!

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    Combat Missions Fan Wolf's Avatar
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    I'm printing it so I can read it later. I'll be back to quote.

  6. #6
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Woo a long one this week Cali.

    I took my cue from Wolf and printed it out for reading later.

    I'll be sure to come back and tell you how funny it was as I know it will be.
    "That's Numberwang!"

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    Combat Missions Fan Wolf's Avatar
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    I have written a little song to explain the rest of their adventure Sing to the tune of Gilligans Island.
    Very creative! I was actually humming to Gilligans island tune while reading A/D's tale.

    Flo’s new goal is to beat Teri and Ian. At first I assume she means with a stick, unfortunately she just means in the race.

    Ian informs us that when he makes a decision, he MAKES a decision. It is final. It is law. I am God. You are my servant. I say it so it is so. Alright,, he may not have said all that, but I’m pretty sure he thought it.

    Ian is actually helpful while looking and informs Teri that they have to look for the clue, so they should use their eyes. Thank God he’s there, she’d be lost with out him, down on all fours trying to sniff it out, or perhaps listening closely to all the carpets to see if she could hear it calling her.
    I'm gathering you don't like Ian very much. Hoo-yah!
    Sorry, Cali! Had to get that it.

    Awesome job!

  8. #8
    Princess
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    Excellent Cali! You're so creative! I'm almost hoping T&I will stay for a while - you make me laugh at them all the time!
    Ian is actually helpful while looking and informs Teri that they have to look for the clue, so they should use their eyes. Thank God he’s there, she’d be lost with out him, down on all fours trying to sniff it out, or perhaps listening closely to all the carpets to see if she could hear it calling her.

  9. #9
    muddy amna's Avatar
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    lol

  10. #10
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    Thanks for the kind words everyone!
    I'm glad you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them!
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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