Dieselgate Tar 3 episode 5 recap
How many people does it take to read the sticker on the gas door? One, if it’s the cameraman that lovingly zooms in on the word as the drivers are filling their trucks with regular unleaded.
Ah what a night
Let’s start this recap by getting all the particulars out of the way.
***START BORING STUFF***
Teams must leave the pit stop and travel 22 miles to the western most point of Continental Europe: Cabo da Roca. There they will find their next route marker.
This weeks detour has teams choosing Ropes or Slopes. Rappel down a 300ft cliff or hike down to the shore to collect the next clue.
Drive a truck to Algeciras Spain and take a ferry across the Mediterranean Sea to Tangier Morocco.
Get to Viajes Flandria Travel Agency and book seats on a charter bus to Fez.
Get to a part of Fez known as the Old City to get next marker.
ROAD BLOCK: One team member must find the tannery in the Old City, search through vats of leather dye and find the marker with the pit stop info on it.
Take one of the marked cars and go to the roof of the Borj Nord.
***END BORING STUFF***
Ken and Gerard 2:29pm
Being the first to arrive my heroes are the first to leave. They have the brains to buy a map so they can locate Cabo Da Roca. Shortly after spotting it on the map they spot the twins who in turn have spotted them along with Andre and Damon who spotted a few coattails to ride. They decide to go trainspotting….. wait, no they don’t, they just decide to take a train to the town closest to Cabo da Roca.
At the train station they have a conference with D&D and come to the conclusion that they will take money from another team, and allow that team to follow them. Ah $30 Euro’s… just what will that buy you now-a-days?
Gerard works his magic with languages once again, sounding wonderful as he speaks Portuguese.
When they finally arrive at the detour, they find they are no longer in first place, and that the trainspotting cost them time.
Gerard makes light work of the rappel, telling Ken he loves him, but if he doesn’t rappel, he (Gerard) will break his (Ken’s) a$$. Ah, brothers, gotta love ‘em. Gerard urges Ken down the sheer cliff by telling him there are a dozen glazed donuts at the bottom. This seemed to work well, and I see this strategy coming in handy in the future:
Gerard waiting for Ken at the bottom of a ski slope “Come on, there’s a Boston cream pie here buddy” at the top of the Eiffel Tower “Woo, hoo Ken 50 more steps and you can have some Ben and Jerry’s”.
They hop in the truck and head off for the Ferry. They need to stop for diesel and fuel up. They do. (Whew, that was an easy part of the trip).
At the Road block Gerard does the dirty work. He has a kid lead him (for free) to the tannery. Makes short work of finding the clue and the bros hop into the next vehicle. They have no idea how to get there so they hire a cab. Don’t worry, they read and actually understand the part of the clue that says they have to drive themselves… they just follow the cab to the road block. They arrive……
Flo and Zach 2:31pm
We are treated to Flo’s wonderfully or woefully, nasal-y voice as she explains to us that Zach is doing a great job at dealing with her emotions. Clue to Flo… we noticed that episodes ago nimrod! They figure out where Cabo da Roca is, and hop a train to get there.
The two of them together decide to rappel. They get harnessed. They are ready to go.
We are now witness to the supernatural. Flo has been body snatched and now the evil whiney soul of Eve has returned to the Amazing Race. She is inside Flo as she starts he walk to the edge where she will actually start her rappel. “Whine, cry, I can’t I can’t, whine cry some more”
Flo: “I can’t do it Zach, I can’t”
Zach: “Shut the HELL UP” is what you would have heard if she’d been my partner. What you did hear was a very understanding and calm Zach resigning himself to the fact that Flo won’t go. FloNoGo “It’s alright, you tried, it’s cool, we’ll just hike it”
He waited patiently as the rappelling experts and some on call OBGYN’s delivered a shaking, crying, fetal positioned Flo back onto the highland.
They hike down and get their clue then hop into one of the trucks. After a bit they need to stop for diesel and fuel up. They do. (Whew, that was an easy part of the trip). Oh wait, it wasn’t so easy for these two was it? They get regular unleaded fuel for their loud, shakey, rumbling diesel guzzling truck (You know the kind… the one’s that have stickers on the gas door that say diesel). Of course this causes the car to explode. HA, just kidding, but it does die, and they need to hike back to the gas station for help. As Zach crosses the street he makes the remark ”This is where miracles are made”
Someone call God and tell him he can stop making miracles now. We have plenty of gas stations
Eve hasn’t completely let go of Flo yet, and she’s ready to quit. Zach remains calm, and gets a huge hug from her when the truck is fixed. What about the mechanic Flo? Why doesn’t he get a hug?
These two get on the second ferry with one other team and find the Travel Agency. They get booked on the second bus.
At the roadblock Zach dons the rubber, and dives into the vat. (Gloves people, come on!) He finds the clue and the two head off for the pit stop. They arrive……
Derek and Drew 2:32 pm
Please re-read Ken and Gerard’s paragraph. OK, it wasn’t that bad, but these two didn’t get a whole lot of air time this week. The most I can say is that they were looking good while following K and G and (This is important everyone) they did NOT wear the picnic tablecloth shirts.
They chose to Rappel, and one of them went first. The other one followed and they got into the truck. Luckily these two also realized that the truck was a diesel, so they had no problem there. They did get to pass team “Get The Twins” (more on that later) and that was nice.
They made the first Ferry and the first charter bus. The one who looks less like the other followed a kid to the tannery (for free) and found the clue. They hopped into the new truck and headed for the pit stop. They arrive….
Andre and Damon 2:33
Please re-read Ken and Gerard’s paragraph. Yes, it pretty much was that bad
K & G had little lambs
K & G had little lambs that weren’t as white as snow
And everywhere that K & G went
K & G went
K & G went
the lambs were sure to go
They followed the Brotherhood through each leg of the race. Actually paid them for the privilege.
They then paid a kid so the one doing the road block could follow him to the tannery. I think it was Damon, but not sure, found the clue in the second vat. He made his way back to Andre (unless of course it already was Andre) and they hopped into the truck and headed off for the pit stop. They arrive…
Teri and Ian (eye-yan) 2:34pm
Ian starts this leg of the race par for the course that is Ian and yells at Teri.
Ian “Where are we going”
Teri “Western most par….”
Ian “WHERE are we going”
Teri “Shoot, I dropped it, forget about it, it’s just garbage”
Deep cleansing breaths……… calm…………breath…….continue with recap…….
Ian WHERE ARE WE GOING”
Teri I don’t know
This lovely display of marital bliss continued while they were in the cab. The cabbie actually started sweating. He nervously looked in the rearview mirror. “Dear God, I know this woman should go off on his ass, but let her wait until they are out of my cab”
They choose to rappel, which doesn’t surprise me in the least. The only good thing I can say about them as a team, is that they never take the easy road. You can tell Teri is nervous as she asks what would happen if the harness came undone, you can tell Ian is an ass as he explains that they’d fall.
Ian leaves with yet another HooRah. He complains to the rappelling expert to let him go. For a fleeting second, I think he actually would have, had it not been for the camera’s there recording everything.
Teri does a great job, and is very happy and rightfully pleased with herself. Ian, being the smashing husband that he is doesn’t give her the props she deserves, but instead yells that she needs to hurry out of the harness as there are teams ahead of them
Teri…. Get your props from me girl
Once in the car, they discover that they need to stop for gas. Teri asks Ian if the truck takes diesel. He tells her it doesn’t. Weird that they got the only one that didn’t. They stop and fill up. Down the road, the truck starts getting sick. Teri wonders aloud if maybe they got the wrong gas. Ian informs her that they didn’t “It said regular unleaded”….hmmmm. the gas door said DIESEL
Teri needs props again, as she didn’t take the moment to do the “I told you so dance” that would have been so very justified at that moment.
They hike to a gas station and get some diesel fuel. But, oh no… the tank id full of regular gas, whatever shall we do??? Let’s drain it onto the soft shoulder of the road! What a grand idea! :mad. I really do not like you Ian…. Mother Earth doesn’t either. Suddenly a car drives by and a passing motorist throws a match out the window, Ian and the truck get blown to smithereens. Teri stands in shocked disbelief staring at the curling stench filled smoke. The acrid smell filling her lungs and clouding her vision……..
Darn it… was fantasizing about Paulie’s joke actually happening! Sorry.
They make it for the 2nd Ferry and get to the roadblock with another team. Ian performs the task, and thoughtfully covers up the remaining clue making it harder for teams behind them. The funny thing here (yes, I admit it) is that if it had been just about anyone else I wouldn’t have minded in the least, but I don’t like Ian (say it isn’t so Cali ).
They head off for the pit stop and arrive……
John Vito and Jill 2:36pm
“Da plane Da plane” We have arrived on Fantasy Island. Mr. Roark welcomes us with his diminutive friend. My fantasy is to see a couple on a reality show treat each other well. Mr. Roark never disappoints. We have John Vito and Jill.
They figure out where Cabo da Roca is, and hire a cab to take them all the way there. They pass Ken and Gerard, who refuse to let my fantasy couple know where they are going as they turn off. JV and Jill’s cabbie reassures them that their friends are going to the train, but he will get them there faster. They sit back and enjoy the ride. Once at the roadblock they choose to rappel. While running to the cliff Jill stumbles and does a dive that rivals Heather now infamous donkey cart nosedive. The difference is this time I didn’t laugh… well that is I didn’t laugh too hard
She, in case you didn’t know, is Inspector Gadgets other niece and yelled out in the nick of time “GO GO Gadget springs” She bounced right back up and continued to the rappel.
Both of them made it down the cliff in great time and hugged each other at the bottom. Ahhhhhhhhh.
They hop n the truck and head off on the next leg. They need diesel, so they stop and get it. Again, not that hard a task. They do make the first Ferry, but get seats on the second Charter bus. Once in Fez, John Vito takes charge of the roadblock and finds his clue rather quickly. They head off for the pit stop and arrive….
Michael and Kathy 2:40pm
After close inspection of some lady’s map Michael determines that Cabo da Roca is in England, and he’s ready to head off. Luckily the woman with the map tells him it’s really just around the curve. (They must have some big curves where this woman’s’ from!)
They grab a cab and head off for the Detour. Once there Michael lets us in on a little secret. He’s been choosing the coward’s way at the other Detours. REALLY??? I had no idea.
Ah, I kid ya Mike, I’m actually really starting to like you!! (Oh, no.. the Cali kiss of doom)
Poor, poor Mike. He finds himself on the cliff at the same time as FloNoGo. Mike is a wonderful guy. He tries his hardest to help her down the cliff. He is reassuring, calm and kind. He is witness to one of the biggest breakdowns (that he’s seen so far) and still tries to help. Wonderful guy. After FloNoGo gives up, he flies down and is followed rather quickly by Kathy who is just as excited as an excited kid…. As happy as a happy kid…. As smiley as a smiling kid… no, folks similes are not my forte! She was excited, happy and smiley that Mike had done it.
Unfortunately Mike and Kathy are a part of dieselgate and suffer the same problem as everyone else who put gas in the trucks. They were lucky enough to breakdown in front of a hotel, and resign themselves to a night in a warm bed, while waiting for a garage to come tow their truck.
They do get it fixed, and after a nice hot breakfast head off. I am saddened as I realize night is falling and we next see them at the pit stop. They arrive…….
Aaron and Arianne 2:54
Aaron informs the audience that it is a kick in his a44 to be n last place. I only wish someone would kick his a44.. Freudian slip, I mean I wish some one would kick the a$$.. no, darn it…. Forget it, I’m Freudian slipping all over the place.
They are high as kites as they realize they have gone from last place to first, and decide to rappel down the cliff. Arianne flies down, and watches as Aaron’s scrawny, non-kicked a$$, takes forever to get down. His rope got caught, and he was scared. Boo freakin’ hoo.
They hop into the truck and head out.
We get to hear how freakin’ wonderful they are, and how great it feels to be in first place.
Uh-oh… it’s time for diesel! Aaron fills the tank and they head off. They really have not been on the road long when the truck starts acting funny.
Aaron “Oh my God, the cars breaking down”
Maybe if he hadn’t called it a car, it would have kept going… Trucks are fickle that way.
The engine dies….. Perhaps the truck was only fickle about what type of fuel you put in it, but we may never know for sure.
Aaron “Oh NO NO, I have no BREAKS” Yet, somehow magically the truck slowed and stopped. WOW!
****AUTO MECHANICS 101****
Most vehicles have hydraulic brakes that work off a vacuum assist from a running engine. Engine off? No assist. PUSH HARDER AND ASSIST IT YOURSELF!
C’mon people everyone knows that! Jeez.
Aaron decides that the best course of action is to sit and cry… cry like a …. Crying baby? (Damn those similes!).
Honestly though, he is just like a big ol’ crybaby, blubbering and crying, snot being noisily sniffed back through his nasal passages and slowly dripping down his throat causing his voice to crack as he says he’s humiliated.
“Oh, here’s a truck, lets flag it down… Maybe it’s the twins, we’ve been ever so kind to them, I’m sure they will stop and help”
Yes, Aaron and Arianne, it is the twins. This, dears, is what we call Karma. Bu-bye!
The twins don’t even slow down. For a split second I think I see regret in one of the twins’ eyes, but luckily it isn’t acknowledged, and they drive on by.
“LOOK another Car… What is it?”
A white car with a row of lights on the top
A white car with a row of lights on the top WHO?
I’m a cop you idiot!
The policeman tells them that they only need to have the place that rents the trucks fix it. They do. Darn those cops!
They make the 3rd Ferry, alone. They make the 3rd bus, alone.
Aaron performs the roadblock and the two head off for the pit stop. They arrive…..
THE PIT STOP: THE ROOF OF THE BORJ NORD
1. Ken and Gerard (1st)
2. Andre and Damon (4th)
3. Derek and Drew (3rd)
4. John Vito and Jill (6th)
5. (but really tied for 4th) Flo and Zach (2nd)
6. Teri and Ian (5th)
7. Aaron and Arianne (8th)
Yes, we watched as night fell, and Mike and Kathy made their way to the mat, only to be Philiminated this week.
We were just getting to know ya guys! I wish them well. They were fun to watch.
***********THANKS going out to Pkeeper, a FORT regular for both the title of this weeks recap, and the new word Philimination. *******
To contact the author of this recap please email: firstname.lastname@example.org