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Thread: It’s Because He’s Afraid Of Dark Tight Places…TAR 4 EP 4 Recap

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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    It’s Because He’s Afraid Of Dark Tight Places…TAR 4 EP 4 Recap

    I feel as though I must warn you all before you proceed with the reading of the recap. I am in a craptastic mood. Most everyone at some point during episode 4 ticked me off. Millie? Well, I rolled my eyes a time or two, but she’s not really on the crap list. Phil? HA! Nope, he couldn’t get on the crap list even if he pronounced my name “Cal-er”. Tian? Here is where some of you might think I would go off. I won’t. She was about the only player who didn’t piss me off. I think she was right throughout the show, and everyone else acted like a bunch of freakin’ babies. So, if you can stomach my recap, knowing that I agree with Tian Please proceed!


    Here is the route they take this week…

    From the Pit Stop, teams must get to the airport and fly to Paris. Once there they must make their way to the Le Mans Racetrack where they will find this weeks Roadblock: Whichever team member chooses to perform the task, must change out all four tires on a race car, then take a lap around the track. WOW. With a professional driver behind the wheel. Oh… Bummer.

    After completing the road block they receive directions to drive a marked car 556 miles to Marseilles where they must enter through port 4 to then search for a lighthouse where the next clue will be waiting.

    Drive 95 miles to Gorge Du Blavet where they will find the directions for the Detour: Rope or Slope. If teams choose Rope they must descend the side of the mountain to the clue box below. Teams choosing slope have to take the long winding path leading to the same box. Inside that box teams will find directions to the Pit Stop.

    This week the Fast Forward is claimed again. The team going for it must put together a puzzle of the Pit Stop. The puzzle pieces are a good 2 ft. square each, and the puzzle needs to be put together on a wall. Once completed the team will receive directions to the

    Pit Stop: A 200 year old mansion called the Chateua Des Alpilles. Last team to check in, will be eliminated.

    Those who already saw this episode know that there was an argument involving more than one team. They way I recap, makes these group blow ups hard to cover, as if I cover it in one paragraph, I give away things that happen to other teams whose paragraphs you may not have read yet. Therefore, I may not name names, until that teams paragraph comes up.


    Steve and Josh 2:57am

    These two appear to be in good shape. They seem to be getting along and they have the lead.

    2:59am. They are no longer getting along, but they still have the lead.

    4:00am. They are no longer getting along and they no longer have the lead.

    It seems like it will be a long day for these two.

    Josh admits to dad that he messed up by insisting that they save money and take the train to the airport, in order to get to Paris. Josh is sure every other team will arrive at the train station any time. Josh is wrong. He is also much harder on himself than Steve is. Steve is letting Josh learn from his mistakes. I know right at this moment, that although they may last a few more legs, I don’t see them winning the race. I do see them getting closer as Father and Son, and really, I’m sure that’s what they both wanted. along with a million dollars.

    When they arrive at the racetrack Josh handles the Roadblock, and seems to have fun. Steve seems to enjoy watching. If it weren’t for Josh’s immature “feeling sorry for himself” outburst, I think I would have liked them this time.

    There is a big “tiff” at the port entrance that will lead teams to the lighthouse, and Steve is not happy with two other teams. The doors open at 9:00am, so teams must form some sort of line. He’s not as out spoken as some others though, so I won’t pick on him too much.

    I honestly don’t know if they get lost trying to find the lighthouse or the Detour, but they are arguing again, as they drive aimlessly around. Well, Josh is arguing again, Dad is “letting him learn from his mistakes”.

    Once they find the Detour, they decide to choose ropes, and head down the cliff. They find the clue box and head off to the Pit Stop.

    They arrive…


    Monica and Sheree 3:51am

    Just out of curiosity, did any FORT regulars think of me when the first words out of their mouths was the fact that they are married to pro athletes? I realize I am among the minority who is bothered by this, but have to ask… how many times will you have to hear it before it starts bothering you?

    These two do not even think about taking a train to the airport, and have the cabbie drive them the entire way. They are working well together and get a great flight to Paris, and make great time to the Roadblock, where Monica decides she is better suited for the task. She is surprised to learn what it involves, but does women proud by getting right down to it. She is concerned that she is taking to long changing the tires, but I think she does a great job. She loved the drive, but was very happy for it to be over as it was “scary as hell”.

    Monica and Sheree are among many teams that decided to park their cars on the side of the road by the port entrance to Marseilles to wait the 9:00am opening. No team was allowed to park in the actual parking lot, so a line started forming on the shoulder.

    Monica was not at all happy when a team drove up in the morning, after spending the night in a hotel, and wound up (legally) first in line. She’s Ghetto mad.

    Puh-Leez. This is a race. Luck is involved. Get over it.

    Once they find the lighthouse, they head off for the detour, and choose Ropes. They make great time down the cliff, and find the clue directing them to the Pit Stop.

    They arrive…


    Reichen and Chip 3:53

    They, like Monica and Sheree, decide to have the taxi take them directly to the airport.

    We learn that they believe their biggest problem is that they will bicker and lose sight of their surroundings. I’ve got a different list of possible problems, but OK.

    They get a great flight to Frankfurt, where they plan to hop a flight to Paris. Once they get on the Paris bound flight, they realize that Reichen somehow bought business class tickets, which is a violation of The Amazing Race rules. They decide they are better off getting of the plane then getting a penalty time that could cost them the race.

    They get themselves to Paris just in time to hop a train to La Mans, and find themselves right back in the top tier of the race.

    Once they arrive at the roadblock Chip takes over and is racing hard to be done ahead of the other team sharing track time with them. He finishes the tire change first and hops into the car.

    I am sure his driver will wreck. If so I am also sure even I will be able to detect the injury incurred. Chip continually waves his arms around and in front of the driver, but they somehow make it back to Reichen alive.

    They have no trouble finding the Port 4 door, and are in fact the first team to get there. They are also the first team to be told that they cannot park in the lot over night. They are also the first team to go get a hotel. They are the second to last team to make it through the gates when they open in the morning.

    Now, really I am on their side…. They actually look to be able to get in second, but other teams come and Flo and complain about sleeping in their cars. For some reason this makes the duo move their car and get in the back of the long ass line. This causes them to Flo and complain about their integrity being challenged. Which in turn causes me to Flo and complain about them giving up their spot in the first place.

    After receiving the directions for the Detour, the two head off to find the marked parking lot in which to leave the vehicle while completing the task.

    I’m not sure what “marker” they saw or what made them think that the side of the road was a “Parking lot” but they jump out of their car and go off following a path in woods.

    According to them, they hiked it for 2 miles before realizing that maybe, just maybe they should have seen at least one flag or marker by now.

    My son is starting cross-country in the fall. When he’s just running over 5 miles, he averages a 9 minute mile. I have no idea if that is good or not, I do figure that Reichen and chip have put themselves at least ½ an hour behind with the 2 mile one way tour they just took.

    Once the Detour choices are known, they do not hesitate to rope it down the cliff. They find the next clue and head off for the Pit Stop.

    They arrive…


    Tian and Jaree 3:57am

    While in the taxi to the airport Tian takes it upon herself to help Jaree out by lightening her backpack.

    She does this by removing a map.

    yes, I know it’s the editing… it was still funny

    They get themselves seats on an early flight and make good time to La Mans where … surprise JAREE performs the Roadblock!

    No, not really.

    Tian kicks butt, and does a great job changing out the tires, and truly enjoys her ride.

    They head off to find the Port entrance, and are the second team to arrive at the gate. They are the second team to be told they cannot park there over night. They are the second team to get a hotel.

    They are the first team in line for the gat in the morning.

    One might think that the only people upset by this would be Reichen and Chip, as truly, they were first the night before.

    One would be wrong.

    Ever other team shown is angry at the models. Forget the fact that the gate attendant told them NOT to park in the long line. Forget the fact that they were the second team to actually find it. Forget the fact that they were lucky and wound up first. Forget the fact that it’s not like the clue box is immediately inside the gate and it’s NOT like they are only letting teams in one at a time every ½ hour.

    Tian is adamant about not giving in. She sees Reichen and Chip give in, but still doesn’t want to budge. I am proud of her. Why the he’ll should she?

    Then the gates open, and she lets every other team go first. Uhg. I truly wish she hadn’t, they were all acting like brats.

    Now, to be honest, I’m not even sure these two ever found the lighthouse. They are lost and driving around for a while, when they decide it would be most advantageous to go for the Fast Forward at this time.

    They only have a little trouble with the puzzle.. I’m wondering how hard it would have been if it had had 30 pieces, and I am suddenly reminded of a really bad joke:

    Five blondes are in a bar, and they are obviously celebrating something. The waiter is curious, and upon bringing the second round of Champagne, asks them why they are so happy. One of the blondes holds up a 20-piece puzzle featuring Barney, and states triumphantly “The box says 2-4 years and we completed it in 7 months!”

    Yeah.

    So they claim the Fast Forward and head off to meet Phil.

    They arrive…


    Millie and Chuck 4:43am

    Millie thinks Chuck is to slow and methodical.

    12 years.

    Millie is actually becoming more likeable to me. I didn’t not like her before, but she was kind of “blah”.

    Now we share a dislike for the same person, so I feel a connection there.

    The two get to Paris with no problem, and make good time to the Roadblock. When they arrive at the box Millie informs Chuck that he will have to do it, as she is having trouble breathing again. She does this before they read the clue.

    Being a sometimes claustrophobic is not a good thing at this point, as he not only takes his sweet time changing the tires, but then has to get himself out of the car before they take the lap as he can’t handle dark tight places.

    12 years.

    He sends up a prayer, which obviously was answered and is able to complete the roadblock.

    They are among the teams parked along the shoulder of the road, meaning they were not the last team in to find the lighthouse. Once they find the clue, they make short work of finding the marked parking lot and decide upon ropes rather quickly.

    They finish up and head off for the Pit Stop.

    They arrive…


    Jon and Al 4:47am

    Jon and Al realize that to win this race you must be willing to help other teams by sharing information, but are smart enough to realize that ultimately you are on your own.

    I didn’t know they taught things like that in Clown College.

    They have chosen Millie and Chuck to work with once again this leg. Seeing that it was a great help last time I see this as a smart move. Except that last time they missed a train by working with Millie and Chuck. Hmmm.

    Jon chooses to do the Roadblock and does a great job changing the tires and enjoys his ride with the driver.

    Of course these two were among the teams that lined up on the shoulder of the road awaiting the opening of the gate, but wisely stayed out of any of the shown arguments.

    They find the lighthouse after a short time, and head off to get to the Detour, where they choose ropes

    Here is where I get my biggest shock of the race.

    The human cannonball is afraid of descending the cliff. I don’t know why that shocks me so much, but I assumed if you weren’t afraid of being shot out of a cannon, then a trip down a cliff would be a walk in the park.

    They almost miss the next clue box, but see it in the nick of time, finding the directions to the Pit Stop.

    They arrive…


    David and Jeff 4:57am

    For some reason they think that their physical strength is actually slowing them down, and that they need to start using their brains. I agree with one half of that statement.

    I’m sure we see them a couple times before they get to the roadblock, but they don’t do anything worth any real airtime.

    David performs the tire change and is very happy to have been able to take a lap around Le Mans. I’d be happier to own a Le Mans, but that’s just me.

    Once they bruhaha starts at the gate of Port 4 we finally get to hear them speak, and I realize why they have been edited so heavily.

    They yell to Tian and Jaree “You think your privileged”.

    They yell to Reichen and Chip “You think your privileged”.

    Upon getting to the detour they choose to take the cliff. Once they reach the bottom they head off to look for the box but take a wrong turn. I am 99% sure that they found themselves back in the parking lot and wound up doing the slopes portion of the detour too. I’m thinking that their physical strength is coming in handy here.

    Off they go to find the pit stop.

    They arrive…


    Kelly and Jon 5am

    Kelly spends most of her time complaining about how stupid Jon is. I must agree. Wanting to read clues, get directions, find the correct places, and get earlier flights, all stupid ideas.

    She spends her time hating Millie (Millie is too happy, and reminds her of the cheerleaders in high school. The ones Kelly would fire spit balls at).

    She also has time to come up with a nickname for Steve and Dave though. Is it, “The old guys”? No. Perhaps, “The funny guys”? No. Ummm, how about the “ATC dudes”? Wrong again. Kelly’s affectionate nickname for Steve and Dave is “BFG”. Not: Balding Fun Guys. Not: Brave Fighting Guys. No, don’t be silly; it’s spit wad-throwing Kelly. BFG stands for Big Fat Guys.

    Before encountering the roadblock Kelly starts in on Jon again, and insists that he let her do the next one. He starts to say something about waiting to see what the clues are, but she cuts him off and makes him promise she can do the Roadblock. He does.

    Once they arrive at the race track and she reads that she will have to change tires, you can tell she wants The Powers That Be to change the rules for her, as she really doesn’t want to do the roadblock anymore. Too bad honey.

    She is having a hard time with the air gun, and when one of the professional drivers tries to offer some advice she yells at him. Twice. She obviously knows what she’s doing, why would they offer help. Could it be that he has to drive the car?

    Jon tells us that this adrenaline rush ride should be like an orgasm for Kelly…hard to get to, but should keep her happy for a week.

    Man, I all of the sudden feel sorry for Kelly. Not a feeling I enjoy, but I’m sure she’ll do something to bother me soon enough.

    Jon is leading the team directly to the lighthouse, but Kelly is 100% sure they are going the wrong way. She wants to turn around. Jon asks her how many times he will have to prove her wrong as they turn the corner to find the clue box.

    She doesn’t answer, but I’m guessing at least twice a day for as long as you are together Jon… perhaps you should run now.

    They choose to go for ropes, and both make it down the cliff intact. They find thenext box and head off to be greeted by Phil.

    They arrive…


    Steve and Dave 6:04

    These two inform us that being ATC means they DON’T make mistakes. Below is a quote directly from their profiles.
    His biggest upset was when he and Steve made an operational error together at work, causing two planes to get too close (four miles). They were both decertified and had to go through retraining together.
    Make of that what you will.

    The two are in last place and know they have to hustle. They are worried about the physical aspect of the game, but know that their intelligence will help them greatly.

    They get to the Roadblock and Dave performs the stunt.

    This is where my favorite team on paper really lets me down.

    Steve is being an ass. He refuses to even listen to either Reichen and Chip or Tian and Jaree when they try to explain that they were told to park in the lot and that in all fairness they were the first ones their last night.

    He makes veiled threats about tires and air, and I no longer think he’s cute or funny.

    He comes off, in my opinion a tad condescending… he would never play hardball in a race like this, and if someone offered to buy them tickets ahead of another team, I bet they’d say no to that too. Except they didn’t. It’s a race. Luck plays a part. Get over it.

    I really wish I could re-like them before the end of the episode, as they made some funny comments about the rope that was supposed to keep them safe on the cliff, not being big enough to tie up a Thanksgiving Turkey. They joke about their size on the top of the cliff.

    I am still bitter. I know… Cali: Get over it.

    I Will.

    They have a little trouble getting to the clue box, as their knees are still bothering them, but they find the directions and go in search of the Pit Stop.

    They arrive…


    Pit Stop at Chateua Des Alpilles

    1. Tian and Jaree
    2. Millie and chuck
    2. Jon and AL
    4. Monica and Sheree
    5. Reichen and Chip
    6. David and Jeff
    7. Kelly and Jon
    8. Steve and Dave

    Meaning of course the journey ends for Father and Son Team Steve and Josh. I honestly think they had a great time and learned a lot about their relationship. I wish them the best.

    To contact the author of this article please email: cali@fansofrealitytv.com
    Last edited by cali; 06-20-2003 at 10:50 AM.
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  2. #2
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    Great job Cali, and I DID think of you when the "we're NFL wives" was mentionned right off the top. For what it's worth, I also find it annoying.

    The human cannonball is afraid of descending the cliff. I don’t know why that shocks me so much, but I assumed if you weren’t afraid of being shot out of a cannon, then a trip down a cliff would be a walk in the park.
    Me too!

    Great job Cali, due to the frenetic nature of TAR, I would think it's the hardest show to recap. You do an excellent job of breaking it down for everyone, making it easy and fun to read. You rock.
    If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
    It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.


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    Oh YEAH!!! Aptly_Named's Avatar
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    12 years.


    Great recap, Cali!

    I'm glad I wasn't the only one really annoyed at Steve and Dave. I actually felt sorry for Tian and Jaree (and yes, she should have stayed first in line).

  4. #4
    Artificial Flave Xantham Gum's Avatar
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    My daughter and I both groaned when we had to hear once again how their husbands were pro athletes. Reminded us of how Gabrielle Carteris constantly brought up that she was married and had two kids on "The Surreal Life."

    I really wanted to hate the models but you make very good points in their favor about the line up, they didn't do anything wrong, and Tian is looking better to me all the time (especially in corduroy pants).

    Maybe Chuck should wait 12 years before committing to Millie....

  5. #5
    For Your Entertainment lobeck's Avatar
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    Re: It’s Because He’s Afraid Of Dark Tight Places…TAR 4 EP 4 Recap

    I do see them getting closer as Father and Son, and really, I’m sure that’s what they both wanted. along with a million dollars.


    Just out of curiosity, did any FORT regulars think of me when the first words out of their mouths was the fact that they are married to pro athletes? I realize I am among the minority who is bothered by this, but have to ask… how many times will you have to hear it before it starts bothering you?


    Puh-Leez. This is a race. Luck is involved. Get over it.


    Now, really I am on their side…. They actually look to be able to get in second, but other teams come and Flo and complain about sleeping in their cars. For some reason this makes the duo move their car and get in the back of the long ass line. This causes them to Flo and complain about their integrity being challenged. Which in turn causes me to Flo and complain about them giving up their spot in the first place.


    While in the taxi to the airport Tian takes it upon herself to help Jaree out by lightening her backpack. She does this by removing a map.


    Millie thinks Chuck is to slow and methodical. 12 years.


    I didn’t know they taught things like that in Clown College.


    Kelly spends most of her time complaining about how stupid Jon is. I must agree. Wanting to read clues, get directions, find the correct places, and get earlier flights, all stupid ideas.


    Man, I all of the sudden feel sorry for Kelly. Not a feeling I enjoy, but I’m sure she’ll do something to bother me soon enough.


    Excellent job once again, Cali!

  6. #6
    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    Thanks Guys
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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    Peeking In Duxxy's Avatar
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    Great job cali! you were very fair! Tian and Jaree had every right to be first in line and they should have taken the oportunity presented to them. The other teams were sore losers/sour grapes ... if we have learned one thing from watching this race its this IF YOU ARE FIRST YOU DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR SPOT FOR ANYTHING! Creature comforts are not promised nor should they be expected.

    If I hear that Monica and Sheree are NFL wives again I am going to hurl. It really set my teeth on edge. Really this is a petty thing to get pissed about but come on ladies, give it a rest alreay! sheesh your husbands arent in the race... you are. But like For Love or Money it wouldnt surprise me at all to learn that the producers are the ones who are pushing this angle. Just like the Chuck/Millie virgin thing .. um PRIVATE and who cares?! Just another publicity angle. Neither of these circumstances make me like or dislike either team more or less than their personalities. Kelly is pretty bitchy isnt she? LOl not one nice thing comes out of that woman's mouth. um Jon? if she is that hard to please there are alot of low maintence women out there who would love your company. But you choose the company you keep and you are judged by it too. smarten up!
    "Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."

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    Premium Member NYGal's Avatar
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    So, Chuck is afraid of dark tight places. That explains a lot.

  9. #9
    FORT Fogey kyrjar's Avatar
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    Very funny recap.

    Still not liking Jaree, but I did start to like Tian in the second show. She hauls butt (like Millie), but I questioned her very poor choice of partner. Tian was right about where to park (yes, they got lucky), but I totally understand where the other teams were coming from.

    Kelly hands-down wins the award for most annoying person on the show -- for far too many reasons to cite. Jon looks like a saint next to her. Of course, if I question Tian for choosing Jaree as a game show partner, what can I say about Jon who is choosing Kelly for a life-partner as well. Really, otherwise, I am liking Jon. He seems well-suited to this race, with a different partner of course.

    I like the NFL wives but for the constant reference to that fact plus the commentary about how they get special privileges accordingly. Chip and Reichen did not look as bad in this show on the aggressive thing. They just did not look smart at all -- and I think they are very intelligent. Still liking the clowns. And Millie, of course. Why should she share info with Kelly who got good sleep while Millie was up figuring out the info?

    I didn't understand where Josh and Steve messed up after the equalizer as I don't think it was shown, and it must have been a doozy since it was night when they checked in. Did they not make it to the equalizer when everyone else did?

  10. #10
    Just Another Dorothy ender2002's Avatar
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    Re: It’s Because He’s Afraid Of Dark Tight Places…TAR 4 EP 4 Recap


    Five blondes are in a bar, and they are obviously celebrating something. The waiter is curious, and upon bringing the second round of Champagne, asks them why they are so happy. One of the blondes holds up a 20-piece puzzle featuring Barney, and states triumphantly “The box says 2-4 years and we completed it in 7 months!”
    Excellent Recap! The joke was great - will pass it on to some of my e-mail buddies (that is if you don't mind!)

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