Last week, tensions rose as Carol and Brandy bickered their way through the leg. Cowboy favorites, Jet and Cord, lassoed their way into first place while Monique and Shawn struggled with the roping challenge and on the polo field. Their delay resulted in their philimination. Since Jet and Cord were the first to hit the mat, they won an 11 day return trip to Patagonia, a rugged land scattered with livestock and ranches…an appropriate prize for the cowboys. They depart first this week. Teams must make their way to Hamburg, Germany…they’ll need to fly to Frankfurt and catch a train into Hamburg. On busy Jungfernslieg Street, they’ll find their next clue. Here comes the equalizer…the flight to Frankfurt doesn’t leave for another 11 hours so everyone has time to catch up and get reaquainted at the airport.
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?
At the airport, Louie and Michael say they’re sick of being at the end of the pack so they hang with the cowboys, who they dub their brothers from another mother. Huh? Alrighty then. Carol and Brandy vow to play nice on this leg and announce the word of the day is…RESPECT. Big Bird would be disappointed if I didn’t tell you that the word of the day is brought to you by the letter “R.” Meanwhile, our Kodak moment of the day is brought to us by Daniel who says it was his brother’s lifelong dream to run the race. He’s doing all of this to make Jordan’s dreams come true. Aw, brotherly love.
Finally, planes are boarded and teams depart. The brothers from other mothers arrive in Frankfurt on the first flight and make their way to the train station. At the train station, Jet and Cord wait for their train. Cord, at least I think it’s Cord…is it wrong I still can’t tell these two apart?...says he just saw a movie where a woman fell on the tracks so now he’s nervous. Just stay on the platform, Cowboy, and you’ll be fine. And watch your back…I wouldn’t trust Carol not to push you over. Speaking of Carol, she and Brandy arrive with Daniel and Jordan on the second flight. They sprint to make the first train that the “brothers” are on and…they miss the train. Ha! A few tears are shed and they get tickest for the next train as all of the other teams arrive. Dan breathes a sigh of relief that he has the other teams in sight. I get his point but the teams in front of him should be the ones he has in sight.
Cowboys find the clue box first and learn it’s an intersection. They must partner up with another team. They grab their other mother brothers, of course. For the first time ever, two people from different teams must work together to complete the challenge. In this roadblock, the newly formed partnerships must go to Hamburg Harbor to make a 150 ft bungee jump in the middle of the city. Jet(now I’ve figured them out) teams up with Michael and it’s a good thing since he didn’t know that the Metro was a train. Meanwhile, Joe and Heidi grab Steve and Allie as partners. Heidi thinks it’s best since they both come from good families…because you wouldn’t want to bungee with a rogue racer, I guess. Ali and Joe take off with a guy they met on the train to help them find the Metro.
Dumb and Dumber
In preparation for the show, Brandy bungee jumped before coming. She pairs up with Daniel and wisely, they also grab a local to help them find their way. That leaves Jeff and Jordan with Brent and Caite and for some reason, the guys send the girls off to complete the roadblock. Way to go Brent and Jeff…the fate of your teams rests in the hands of your clueless blonde girlfriends. Between the two of them, they don’t have two brain cells to rub together. Somehow they hop on the wrong subway train…surprised? Once on board, they realize they need to be going in the other direction. Like, omg!
Mike and Jet are the first team to bungee. They tell Jet that he will lose his hat but he keeps it on, insisting it won’t come off. Sure enough, they do the 150ft jump and his hat stays on. He says a real cowboy’s hat never comes off but I’m thinking maybe some velcro was involved. Or something. He quips that he’s proven to the world you can bungee jump with a cowboy hat on. Joe and Allie, then Dan and Brandy make their jumps but are not nearly as entertaining…or as likeable…as Jet and Mike. Either by fate or fluke, Caite and Jordan found the right train because they show up at the jump site. I’m going with fluke. They make their jump, shaking loose the brain cells that remain in their heads.
Teams must make their way to the statue of Germany’s first emperor, Kaiser Wilhelm. There they will find their next clue. The cops hail a taxi while the cowboys go back to the train. Louie and Mike arrive at the clue box first to find a detour…Soccer or Sauerkraut. Teams that chose soccer must accurately make five penalty kicks hitting targets suspended in the goal. Teams with cast iron stomachs can chose sauerkraut where they must eat a plate of the fermented cabbage before a band finishes playing the Saurkraut Polka. If they can’t finish it before the end of the song, they get another plate and start over.
Mike and Louie opt for the sauerkraut. Mike quips that he’s eaten things bigger than Jet and Cord so he can handle it. He really scarfs it down and later says he imagined it was pasta. From there, they must make their way to a bar where they’ll need to share a glass boot full of beer. Woo hoo…sauerkraut and beer. Hope they have Rolaids in those backpacks of theirs or the pitstop on this leg will be unbearable.
Jet and Cord have fallen behind and reach the clue box at the same time as a couple other teams. Quickly, they run off to the soccer challenge. Steve and Allie and Joe and Heidi beat them there and get started. Joe’s knee is killing him so he can’t get any air on the ball. My five year old could do better. Steve and Allie finish first and leave Joe and Heidi. They give up and decide to switch to sauerkraut. Cowboys do a decent job on the soccer field but they better not give up their day jobs anytime soon.
You don't have to sell your body to the night...Rooooooxanne...
Ok, since they're hitting the red light district, I was dying to use those lyrics.
Back at the bar, Mike and (mostly)Louie chug their boot of beer to get their next clue. They’re to find Beatles-Platz, a monument honoring The Beatles. They must then hit Hamburg’s red light district to find a club named Indra, the first place The Beatles played in the city. This is the pitstop for this leg of the race.
Jeff and Jordan decide to go for sauerkraut and hop into a cab that is supposed to take them to the restaurant. Their friends Brent and Caite are wandering on foot looking for the soccer stadium. Birds of a feather, it’s true. Back in the cab, Jeff suspects they’re heading the wrong way but their taxi driver relies on his GPS and keeps going. They’re in the middle of nowhere when Jeff asks, “Is this a hamburger place?” Finally, the taxi driver realizes he screwed up. Jordan says they should have done the soccer thing but Jeff tells her no…the guy would have typed that into his GPS and they would have ended up in Switzerland.
Steve and Allie hit the bar and Steve couldn’t be happier with his boot of beer. He quickly chugs it, saving a bit in the toe of the boot for his daughter. Letting out a big burp, they hop in a cab and head for the pitstop. Finally, Joe and Heidi rach the restaurant and shovel down their plate of sauerkraut. Heidi is thankful for all of their tailgate parties with sausages and sauerkraut. Carol and Brandy get there and Brandy shoves it in while Carol daintily picks through hers. They do finish and declare their love for sauerkraut. Respect the sauerkraut.
Daniel and Jordan make it to the soccer stadium and finish with ease. Joe and Heidi get into a cab/foot race with the cowboys on the way to bar. The real race will be who can chug their boot of beer the fastest. Joe and Heidi prove to be the bigger lushes since the cowboys are lightweights when it comes to beer.
Jeff and Jordan finally make it to the restaurant and Jeff tells the band to play the polka as long as they can. Jordan holds her nose but can’t eat much. The song finishes and rather than eat another plate, they opt to go do the soccer challenge. Jordan hopes someone gets a penalty so they won’t be the last to arrive. Jeff instead hopes someone falls off a bridge…with cement shoes. Never mess with a Chicago boy.
At the soccer field, Brent and Caite get started. Caite has played since she was five years old so she’s confident they’ll kick butt. Not so. Her leg starts hurting and she can’t kick the ball. She cries, whines, and moans about how she’s played since she was five so she should own the challenge. Boo hoo.
Cowboys finish their beer and never want to drink another. Brandy and Carol finish theirs and are hot on their trails. Burping all the way. Maybe that’s the hot part. Brent and Caite finish their soccer challenge and head to the bar where Dan and Jordan are just getting started. Jordan says it’s a lot of beer and that they’re going to be ****faced. They belch their way through it and take off.
Jeff and Jordan struggle on the soccer field to make their shots. At the bar, Caite is glad that Brent likes beer because she doesn’t. She doesn’t even like to kiss him when he’s drinking it. Guess he won’t be getting lucky tonight. Especially since he threw up after drinking the boot. Beer breath + puke breath = unlucky. They get into a cab certain that they’re in last place. Not so. Jeff and Jordan hit the bar and Jeff chugs the beer like a pro, declaring himself a champion. King of beers. And burps.
Teams race through the red light district made up of pubs, discos, and sex shops to find Phil and a Beatles cover band with a cute lead singer sporting a bowl cut. They hit the mat and greet Phil in the following order :
1st - Michael and Louie – For some reason, Louie howls like a wolf..must be all the beer. They each win a $5,000 Discover gift card. Nice. They can buy a lot of sauerkraut and beer with that. Or whatever.
2nd – Steve and Allie
3rd – Joe and Heidi
4th – Jet and Cord – after Jet tells his brother that they are no longer in the Bible belt.
5th – Carol and Brandy
6th – Daniel and Jordan
7th – Brent and Caite
Last place – Jeff and Jordan – Jeff thinks they could have done better. He’s sick but doesn’t know if it’s the sauerkraut or coming in last place. Alas, they’re spared since it is a non-elimination leg. Phil tells them to get their crap together(or something like that) because they’ll face a speedbump on the next leg.
Next week : Teams don camo to fight a simulated WWI and one team gets U-turned. The brilliant and witty waywyrd will be back to fill you in.