Hello, dear readers! Tis I, Iguanachocolate, attempting to fill the bodacious boots of the lovely Waywyrd who has entrusted me with this task whilst she takes some time to herself. It is a lofty goal, to try and achieve her level of word smithy, but I will give it my best.
Last week, we saw the near departure of Ken and Tina who were given the grace of a non-elimination leg and will now have to battle their way not only through the Roadblocks and Detours, but also through a Speed Bump with the potential of derailing their week’s reprieve. We catch up with Nick and Starr, the winners of the last leg and some nifty prize trip who will be the first to leave the Pit Stop at 8:55 am.
Nick and Starr discover they will be staying in Delhi and must find a huge apartment complex called Deshbandu Apartments. They arrive in the complex to find some kind of rainbow explosion. When they read the Roadblock clue, they discover this is a traditional Indian Festival of Holi. One team member will have to wend their way through the revelers, climb a rickety ladder and flip through a number of colored envelopes until they find the one that is marked The Amazing Race. That envelope will contain their next clue. Braving “the insanity” Starr made her way relatively easily through the crowd, though she did get doused with colored powder, and was able to grab the envelope on her first try. Running back to her brother, they find they are to go now to Old Delhi and find the Charity Birds Hospital and search for their next clue.
Next out of the gate are everyone’s favorite divorcees /end sarcasm, Kelly and Christy. They assure us that they are going to race smart and read their clues. Excuse whilst I go and buy a bridge I know is for sale… Anywho, they have a stellar cab driver who gets them to the festival in record time. If you are a snail. While they were taking the leisure tour of Delhi, Tony and Dallas passed them and arrived at the festival where Dallas decides to dodge the colors but gets a face full of rouge in the process. None the less, he is able to make it to the ladder and grab his clue. Oh, and the divorcees arrive, finally. Kelly decides she will do the running and cannot even make it to the ladder. She runs back to Christy whining that it is too hard, but does arm herself with glasses and a bandanna to keep from ingesting anymore of the paint. As Terence and Sarah arrive at the festival, Kelly demonstrates her superior clue reading skills by grabbing an envelope and racing all the way back to Christy to open it to see if there is a clue in it. Errr, doofus, it’s a specially marked envelope - you can tell if it has a clue from the outside. Even as Terence leaves the revelry relatively easily Kelly is still racing back and forth with various envelopes to share with Christy.
I would like to point out the educational value of TAR. By watching Kelly run back and forth, we are given a visible demonstration of how all colors combined really do create black. Who says you can’t learn anything other than on PBS? Get the kids, folks!
After Dan makes his way out with a clue the dawn slowly breaks on the divorcees. They really are idiots. Brava! After that revelation, they then realize that Kelly did not have to bring back each envelope, but just had to flip through to find the specially marked one. I am so proud of them. While Kelly finally finds an envelope, Christy is being doused with pain after paint and I laugh and laugh. And laugh. After being passed by 4 other teams, the divorcees finally get their clue and go about trying to get a cab. None of them will stop. The girls begin to wonder if they look that bad. No, it’s just that they have all seen the way you treat people and are boycotting you. While they are trying to hail a cab, Ken runs in grabs a clue and exits – but not before wife Tina goes green. And not in the cool ecological way. She literally gets green dumped upon her and spends the rest of the episode looking like some crazed elf. Have I mentioned that I looooove this Roadblock?
Meanwhile, across town, brother and sister, Nick and Starr arrive at the Charity Bird hospital after removing their shoes out of respect for the temple the hospital is located in. Oh yeah, bare feet and bird poop, what a combo! The sibling duo make quick work of finding the clue and have a choice of two Detour tasks: Bleary Eyed, which involves following tangled electricity lines and finding tiny white markers with numbers on them and then giving the numbers to a maniacal sewing machine operator at the end of the street. Teary Eyed involves carrying heavy bags of chilies to a spice merchant and smashing them to bits with a mortar and pestle under his tutelage. One task is slow and potentially frustrating and the other quick and potentially painful. Nick and Starr choose Bleary Eyed and make their way to the street by tuk tuk. They were not making too much progress but when mother and son, Tony and Dallas, arrived, they all quickly decide that 4 pairs of eyes were better than two and they would just battle it out to the pit stop. Together they make quick work of the street and head for the pit stop at Humayun’s Tomb. Oh, did I forget the completely pointless task of having to plug in a Ganesha? ‘Nuff said on that.
Terence and Sarah make it to the Charity Bird Hospital and go about looking for the clue. In bird dung. Yeah, that’s where it would be. And nice, Terence, making your girlfriend go in the cage to dig through the bird dung. You the man. No, really.
They find the clue and decide to go the chili route. They lug their bags, and begin to mash their chilies. And complain all the way. To be honest, it probably was pretty miserable, but hey, they chose it. They get the job done and begin their route to the pit stop.
Meanwhile, Nick and Starr and Tony and Dallas begin their footrace to Phil and a very busy groundskeeper. He was a pretty fun guy as Phil had to keep calling him over to greet the Racers. Green grass is very important to the Indian people, apparently. Nick and Starr handily beat the mother and son to the mat winning them a trip to Kauai, Hawaii. Nice.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Ken and Tina encounter their dreaded Speedbump. They will have to serve Holy water to thirsty celebrants. How many thirsty celebrants? Well, that, my friends, is open ended. They have to give out water until no one else is thirsty. Ken seemed to be under the impression he was selling the water and began hawking it like a game guy at a carnival side show. Tina breaks the news to him that it is actually holy water and he tones it down a bit. They finish up their task and make it back to do the Bleary Eyed detour with the divorcees and the frat boys. Yeah, remember the frats? They’re in this episode as well though thankfully we don’t see much of them. Until the dreaded bleary eyed street where we are treated to watching the frats and the divorcees wander aimlessly up and down writing random numbers on their scraps of paper and pleading with the sewing guy to let them be right. No avail. Ken and Tina make pretty quick work of the street, even enduring the sniping of the frustrated divorcees as the girls try to shield their pathetic numbers from them. The separated couple get the thumbs up from the sewing guy and plug in their Ganesha and are on their way to the pit stop – but not without first stopping to impart some much needed number wisdom to the grateful frat boys. Tina says it may not have been the most strategic thing for them to help the frats, but hey, they like helping people. Like making sure an airline gets a bigger plane and making sure everyone knows they owe them. Very helpful.
The frat boys take their help and make their way down the crowded street one more time, this time looking up to see the tiny markers and dutifully write them down. Meanwhile, in a parallel universe, the divorcees are finally able to buy a clue and figure out the right numbers to be looking for. They finish just behind the frats and the great taxi race to the Pit stop begins.
Happily, the taxi woes of the divorcees (which, I can never figure out, they are so nice and never condescending to the drivers) continue and they are unable to beat the frats to the finish line. And the heavens rejoice.
Next week, chickens and cow butts. Sounds like fun!