10/18 Recap - A Moon, Some Loons and a Whining Typhoon

[Critical]

On this week’s episode of The Amazing Race: Redneck Family Edition, teams will get clues at such varied and exotic locales as a gas station, a trailer park and a giant office chair. Is there a little less cash in the budget this season? If the next pit stop is at a Motel 6, we’ll know something’s up. At the end of this episode, we'll be down to six teams. Questions abound....Will the Weavers descend further into madness? Will the Gaghans recover from their disappointing finish on the last leg? Will the Paolos kill one of their own? ...and if they do, is that a time penalty? Let’s find out!

The Rundown

1. Drive 100 miles to Anniston, Alabama and find the world’s largest office chair. One member of each team will have to climb onto the seat to retrieve the next clue
2. Drive 18 miles to Talladega, Alabama and find the International Motor Sports Hall of Fame. Teams must then search the museum for the next clue
3. Teams must make their way onto the track of the Talladega Super Speedway, which Phil tells us is the largest motor sport facility in the world. The teams will then choose a party bike and, as a team, pedal one lap around the track – 2.6 miles. A note about the party bikes: if you were to cross an bicycle and an octopus, you’d get a party bike. They probably don’t move very fast, but it’s fun while you’re getting there.
4. Drive 260 miles to Hattiesburg, Mississippi and find the Southern Colonel. The teams will have to figure out that the Southern Colonel is a trailer home dealership where they will get their next clue.
5. Teams will spend the night at the Southern Colonel, so they have to search the 37 model trailers for one of three departure times: 7:20 a.m., 7:40 a.m. or 8:00 a.m.. Once they pick a time, that trailer is taken – they can’t change their time.
6. Drive 84 miles to Richland, Mississippi and find a BP Gas Station where a man called Les will give them their next clue.
7. Drive to the “Pelican State” – teams will have to figure out that this is Louisiana. They will travel 151 miles to Madisonville, Louisiana. In Madisonville, they will go to Fairview Riverside State Park and find the fishing dock to get their next clue.
8. Detour: Teams must choose between “Work” or “Play.” In “work,” teams must use a two-person handsaw to cut slices off of a log 12” in diameter. After cutting four slices off the log, they will receive their next clue. In “Play,” teams will go to a riverboat and play 21 against a professional dealer. They must win three rounds against the dealer to receive their next clue. Before starting either task, the teams must change into period costumes. The costumes are the kind you’d expect to find at a roadside gas station with one of those old-timey picture booths. Tres authentique.
9. Drive across the world’s longest bridge, spanning Lake Pontchartrain and into New Orleans. They must then park their cars on Esplanade Avenue and run through the French Quarter to Preservation Hall, which is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race.

Bransen Family – depart 1:15 p.m.
Wally tells us that he’s been tired on every leg of the race, but he feels like he’s holding up pretty well. He’s hoping the adrenaline of the race will help propel him along. The Bransens arrive in Anniston and find the office chair. Lauren climbs up to get the clue. Wally says that he knows Talladega like the back of his hand. Oddly, they do not get lost after he makes this comment. At the raceway, the Bransens get the clue and head to the racetrack. They chose a party bike and get moving down the track. Everything goes pretty well and Wally doesn’t have a heart attack or anything, which is what I worry about with every physical task they have to do.

They leave the track around the same time as the Linz sibs and, in a celebration of hormones and mating rituals everywhere, one of the girls moons the Linzes out the car window. When they arrive in Hattiesburg, one of the girls suggests looking in a phonebook at the next gas station they see. They find the Southern Colonel with very little trouble but still scream like little girls when they find the clue box. After racing around looking for the earliest departure time, and based on information from the clearly smitten Linz brothers, the Bransens find a trailer with a 7:20 departure time.

The next morning, Wally and the girls leave the Southern Colonel at 7:20. In the car, Wally asks is he should give the Linzes a parting moon shot. I don’t think anyone wants that, Wally. Along with the Linzes, the Bransens find the BP station and get heir clue. They quickly figure out that they’re headed for Louisiana and get on the road. In Madisonville, they find Fairview Riverside State Park, get their clue and choose the “play” detour. After changing into their costumes, they head to the canoes…. Didn’t I mention the canoes? Oh yeah, the teams who choose to “play” have to row out to the riverboat, while wearing the aforementioned cheesy, old-timey costumes. Double the humiliation. The Bransens row out to the riverboat and start in a’ gamblin’. Just as they belly up to the blackjack table, one of the girls announces, “I don’t know how to play.” Fabulous. Foreshadowing is apparently too busy with the Schroeders, so the Bransens win their three games pretty quickly and are on their way to New Orleans. They cross over Lake Pontchartrain and get into New Orleans, where they park and hit the streets. They see Preservation Hall and run for it…

Linz Family – depart 1:18 p.m.
The Linzes feel like they have a good sense of family. They laugh and joke in the car and generally seem to have a good time with each other. Still, I’m waiting for the moment when they have a Paolo Family-style smack down. You know it’s coming. They find the big chair and Tommy climbs up for the clue and they’re on their way again. Alex says he’s going to go home and build an office chair just slightly bigger than that one just so he can…. Tommy finishes the thought with “So you can be the biggest dork in the world?” Yeah. Pretty much.

At the racetrack, one of the boys recognizes the party bikes. They get going down the track and are having a great time. They’re yelling and cheering and ringing the little bell on the bike. The Linz boys make everything seem like a big frat party. They finish their lap and are on the road to Hattiesburg. On the highway, they are about to pass the Bransens when one of the girls moons them out the window. Nick then leans out his window and lifts his shirt. It’s so very Sure Thing. The Linzes pull over at the gas station with the Bransens to find the Southern Colonel. They reach the Southern Colonel along with the Bransens and set about finding the earliest departure time they can.

After wandering through some trailers and opening fridges to look for departure times (seriously), they finally find a trailer with a 7:20 departure time and take it. As they leave the Southern Colonel the next morning, the Linz boys are still talking about the Bransen girls. Note: Megan is not equally enthusiastic about Wally. The Linzes find the BP station and, in tandem with the Bransens, get on the road to Louisiana. At the park, they choose to “play.” They change into costumes and row out to the riverboat. Aaaaaand… they don’t win. A lot. They finally decide to cut their losses and go cut wood instead. They change into lumberjack costumes (the obligatory red and black plaid flannel) and get moving. In no time at all, they’re done sawing. They throw off their costumes and get on the road to New Orleans. Once there, they park the car and run for Preservation Hall.

Schroeder Family – depart 1:33 p.m.
Stassi Schroeder says that she’s used to coming in first in everything she does (at home, I nod – this explains a lot about Stassi). She sees her family as the underdogs in the race but says that they want to win. See, the thing about underdogs is this: they don’t win every time. In the movies: yes, in real life (and even in reality TV): no. Stassi tells us that they (meaning she) don’t like the Weaver family. They find the chair and Hunter climbs up to get the clue. On the way to Talladega, Mark comments about how mad the Weavers are going to be when they get to the track. It’s hard to tell if he was happy about this development or not – I’d like to think not, but ever since that comment on the first leg of the race about rolling handicapped kids into traffic, I don’t think of Mark as all that empathetic.

The Schroeders get to the track and start their lap, but then Mark stops the bike so he can adjust his seat and annoy his family. They lose momentum, but manage to finish and get on the road to Hattiesburg. Once there, they decide to ask a police officer for help in finding the Southern Colonel. He tells them about Southern Colonel homes, but they laugh at the suggestion saying it wouldn’t be that. Char says that sounds crazy to her. Back in the car, Char asks if they should get a phone book. Mark says, “No, it wouldn’t be that easy.” Right, ‘cause Talladega was so tough to spot. Apparently, Foreshadowing is now their co-pilot.

Finally, after the entire viewing audience has yelled at the TV, the Schroeders decide to pull over to a gas station and check the yellow pages. They find the Southern Colonel – the same one the cop told them about – and are mad that they just didn’t go there in the first place. Before they leave the gas station, Mark confirms for me the kind of person he is by ripping out the page from the phone book. On the way to the Southern Colonel, they get lost. Mark clearly has no clue and Stassi is pissed. She actually tells him to shut up at one point. Even if Mark is kind of a dolt, I still want to give Stassi a little smack for being so disrespectful. They finally find the Southern Colonel and quickly find an 8:00 departure time. Stassi isn’t satisfied and wants to find a 7:40 time – the Weavers have an 8:00 departure time and she wants to be earlier than they are.

Over Stassi’s whining objections, Mark takes the 8:00 departure time. Stassi stomps outside and Mark follows, trying to calm her down. Even the Godlewski sisters try to help out but Stassi continues to wail about how one minute makes a difference. (Could they get more obvious here?) The next morning, Stassi is still going on about time. They get on the road and Mark spots the BP station. Good thing too – they’re almost out of gas. While Char pulls up to the pump, Stassi runs in for the clue. As Char fills the tank, Stassi goes on and on about how they’re in last place and that she hates the fact that the Weavers are ahead of them. Finally, Mark tells her to stop: she’s being ugly. Finally gassed up and on the road, Mark nixes Char’s suggestion that hey take highway 55 south – the route that everyone else has taken. It’s not long before they realize their mistake. They turn around and head back to highway 55. Stassi continues her reign of terror as we learn that the state park is 30 minutes from their house.

The Schroeders finally arrive at the park and choose “play.” They finish surprisingly quickly and are on the toad to New Orleans. As they drive across the bridge, Stassi muses about how this really isn’t fair since their family is from this area. Irony, party of four? Your table is ready. They park in New Orleans and head right for Preservation Hall….

Godlewski Family – depart 1:44 p.m.
Once in the car, Sharon and Christine start in on each other as sisters do <---- speculation, since I only have an older brother. Any arguments we had ended with him hanging me upside down by my ankles. Tricia gets the clue from the chair and they head off. They find the raceway and the clue and get to the track to pick their bike. They finish the lap with little fanfare and head off for Hattiesburg.

The Godlewskis arrive in Hattiesburg and find an Internet café where someone looks up Southern Colonel for them. They arrive at the Southern Colonel neck and neck with the Weavers. They quickly find a trailer with a 7:40 departure time and decide to take it.

Along with the Paolos, the Godlewskis head out for the BP station. In a complete head-shaker, they see the BP station, decide it’s not the right one and drive right past it. When they look back and see that the Paolos have turned in at that gas station, they reason that maybe the Paolos stopped to pick up something. Yeah, they did: a clue. In traffic and upset, the sisters decide to turn around and go back to the BP station. They quickly realize they made a big mistake. They get the clue and head off in the right direction.

In the car, tensions are running high as the sisters try to figure out where they’re going. They arrive at the park and choose the “work” detour. They are able to put away their irritation and get the four slices cut and head off for New Orleans. Before they even reach New Orleans, the sisters start in arguing about whether they should take their backpacks with them when they get out of the car. Christine is now weeping like her head just sprung a leak. Man, she must really love that backpack. Christine tells us – through tears, of course – that crying is a release for her. In the car, she sarcastically thanks her sisters for making her cry. Doesn’t sound like that’s too tough to do, Chrissie. Everyone (and by “everyone” I mean Christine) stops crying and hits the streets of New Orleans. They spot Preservation Hall….

Weaver Family – depart 3:34 p.m.
The Weavers get into the car and the praying starts. Seems a little shallow to be asking God to help you win a reality show, but whatever. Linda talks about the difficulty of being a single mom. The Weavers have seen the sign for Talladega and are worried about having to go there even before they get the clue. Because their husband/father was killed on a racetrack, they say that they don’t look at anything to do with racing. Rolly climbs up the big chair for the clue. As they read it, they are starting to flip out – but so far, they’re trying to stay calm. They definitely do not want to go to the raceway.


In the car on the way to the raceway, the Weavers are already distraught. Linda tells the kids that they need to focus on getting the clue and then getting out of there. When they learn that they will have to go onto the track, they lose it. After a very dramatic pause for commercials, we see the Weavers walking onto the track (as if there was any doubt). They finish their lap and Linda says that going to Talladega was a victory for their whole family. She says that they’re moving away from that heavy, depressing sadness they’ve felt.

In Hattiesburg, the Weavers stop at a gas station to check the yellow pages and find Southern Colonel. They get to the Southern Colonel and find a trailer with an 8:00 departure time. Out of the starting gate the next morning, along with the Schroeders and the Gaghans, the Weavers quickly find the BP station, get the clue and are back on the road. They get a little lost, but manage to find the park and choose the “play” detour. In the blink of an eye, and to the annoyance of some of the other teams, the Weavers win three games and are back on the road. As they are leaving the park, the Schroeders arrive. Clearly, there’s no love lost for the Weavers either and the Weaver kids cheer over how far behind the Schroeders are. Linda warns the kids not to get too excited – the Schroeders know this area…..or so you would think.

It’s time for a little Alternate Geography 101, as Linda informs the kids that Lake Pontchartrain is one of the five Great Lakes. Honestly, I don’t even have a response to that. I’m too shocked. Despite the fact that Linda has “geography issues,” the Weavers find New Orleans (Hey, it’s in Louisiana!) and Preservation Hall…

Paolo Family – depart 3:50 p.m.
They’re not even in the car yet and DJ and Marion start in fighting. Something has gotten lost and DJ is blaming Marion. Brian tells us that his mom and his brother fight because they’re the same person. It’s an observation that I’m sure would horrify both DJ and Marion. In the car, the arguing continues and Brian ends up with a paper cut on his neck as Marion flails her arms around and smacks Brian in the head with the TAR clue. As they spot the big chair, all three in the back seat start yelling at DJ and Marion starts slapping the back of his seat. DJ runs out for the clue and Marion screams “Come on! Hurry up!” out the car window. When Brian tries to get her to calm down, she turns on him and gives him a good smack. Just stay down and keep quiet, Brian – it’s your best hope for survival.

The Paolos get their clue at the raceway and Tony is all excited about getting to drive a racecar. Once they’re out onto the racetrack, the Paolos’ excitement turns to annoyance. They pick their bicycle and then yell at each other over which seats to sit on. They’re clearly disappointed that there’s no racecar. As they finish their lap, it’s starts to get very stormy. The sky is turning black and there’s lightning in the background.

The Paolos head off for Hattiesburg and finally pull up and the Southern Colonel pissed off and swearing. Despite their fighting, they find a 7:40 departure time and settle in for the night. The next morning, they set out to find the BP station. They locate is quickly and are on their way to Louisiana. At the detour, they choose the “work” task and get changed. They manage to put aside any hostilities and make quick work of the log. On the bridge across Lake Pontchartrain, they say they can’t believe they’re in first place… and neither can I. They reach New Orleans and hit the streets to look for Preservation Hall…

Gaghan Family – depart 3:53 p.m.
Carissa says that the other teams underestimate her and Billy because they’re kids. Carissa says that she’s smart and funny and can help keep the team going. So: if there’s some sort of stand-up comedy detour, Carissa’s on it. As they head to the car, they spot the Fightin’ Paolos up ahead. The Gaghans do what they do best: they run. They close in on the Paolos, who are bickering too much to notice. The Gaghans consult their map book and decide to take a different route from the Paolos, who are leaving the space center at the same time. When they arrive at the big chair, Carissa volunteers to go get the clue. She scrambles up and down quickly and they’re on their way.

At the raceway, the Gaghans hop onto the party bike and find that Carissa’s feet don’t even reach the pedals. Carissa says she wishes she had longer legs – so does the rest of the family. They finish the lap and get their clue. The kids are asleep as they pull up at the Southern Colonel. The Gaghans find an 8:00 departure time and decide not to spend any time searching for an earlier time. Carissa announces that she doesn’t like the trailers: “They’re eeeevil.”

The Gaghans pull out with the Weavers and the Schroeders the next morning. They easily find the BP station and head for Louisiana. At the park, they weigh their options and, based on the fact that they have two kids on the team, they pick the “play” task. The get changed, row over to the riverboat and start gambling. They gamble for a looooong time and they lose and lose and lose. After watching the Weavers win two games quickly, the Gaghans decide to give up and go saw some wood. With Carissa wearing what looks like a giant hockey mask, they start sawing. The kids don’t make much headway, so it’s up to Bill and Tammy to do most of the work. Did I mention that it has now started to rain? By the time they finish they’re soaking wet and Tammy looks about ready to collapse.

On the bridge over Lake Pontchartrain, Billy asks if this lake is bigger than the Great Lakes. Gold Star for Billy (take note, Linda Weaver). The Gahgans make it into New Orleans where they park their car and run….they’re like the family version of Forrest Gump those Gaghans….


Results:

1. Bransen – They’re the first team to arrive for the second week in a row. Their prize this week: a trip for 4 to Orlando, FL.
2. Paolo – it’s just as well, they would have killed each other on that Florida vacation
3. Linz
4. Godlewski
5. Weaver
6. Gaghan
7. Schroeder – Philiminated. The whole family is crushed when they find out they’re out of the race. Char is bawling and it’s the ugly cry. They all sob and hug…. Frankly, it’s a bit over the top. Mark tells Phil that they just couldn’t find the park – the park that he used to work about a mile away from. Stassi tells us that she wishes her dad had listened to her – she could’ve made a difference. Mark says he blames himself for any mistakes they made. I’m sure Stassi agrees with you, Mark.

Next week: The teams finally leave the United States and DJ Paolo’s nerves get the best of him. This is fitting, since he’s gotten on the viewers’ nerves for the past month. Also – it’s another meltdown for the Godlewski sisters.

Critical@fansofrealitytv.com knows her geography.

[Google]

 

[ShrinkingViolet]

Thanks for a great recap, Critical!

Some of my favorite quips:

Will the Paolos kill one of their own? ...and if they do, is that a time penalty? Let’s find out!

Wally doesn’t have a heart attack or anything, which is what I worry about with every physical task they have to do.

. . . in a celebration of hormones and mating rituals everywhere, one of the girls moons the Linzes out the car window.

Note: Megan is not equally enthusiastic about Wally.

Apparently, Foreshadowing is now their co-pilot.

Irony, party of four? Your table is ready.

Any arguments we had ended with him hanging me upside down by my ankles.

Christine is now weeping like her head just sprung a leak. Man, she must really love that backpack.

It’s time for a little Alternate Geography 101, as Linda informs the kids that Lake Pontchartrain is one of the five Great Lakes.

Just stay down and keep quiet, Brian – it’s your best hope for survival.

The Gahgans make it into New Orleans where they park their car and run….they’re like the family version of Forrest Gump those Gaghans….

Paolo – it’s just as well, they would have killed each other on that Florida vacation

Char is bawling and it’s the ugly cry

[Leo]

Terrific recap, Critical!

[Lucy]

Foreshadowing is apparently too busy with the Schroeders, so the Bransens win their three games pretty quickly

the Linz boys are still talking about the Bransen girls. Note: Megan is not equally enthusiastic about Wally.

ever since that comment on the first leg of the race about rolling handicapped kids into traffic, I don’t think of Mark as all that empathetic.

Excellent recap, Critical! Thanks!

[lildago]

Awesome recap, Critical! You had me laughing!

[wwhippetcrazy]

Great Recap!!!!
Too Funny!

[roseskid]

Originally Posted by Critical

On this week’s episode of The Amazing Race: Redneck Family Edition, teams will get clues at such varied and exotic locales as a gas station, a trailer park and a giant office chair. Is there a little less cash in the budget this season? If the next pit stop is at a Motel 6, we’ll know something’s up. At the end of this episode, we'll be down to six teams. Questions abound....Will the Weavers descend further into madness? Will the Gaghans recover from their disappointing finish on the last leg? Will the Paolos kill one of their own? ...and if they do, is that a time penalty? Let’s find out!

My dear friend, I started laughing from your first paragraph on. Pure recap gold!

[dagwood]

Originally Posted by Critical

Will the Paolos kill one of their own? ...and if they do, is that a time penalty? Let’s find out!

Wally asks is he should give the Linzes a parting moon shot. I don’t think anyone wants that, Wally.

Alex says he’s going to go home and build an office chair just slightly bigger than that one just so he can…. Tommy finishes the thought with “So you can be the biggest dork in the world?” Yeah. Pretty much.

Apparently, Foreshadowing is now their co-pilot.

Irony, party of four? Your table is ready.
[*]Paolo – it’s just as well, they would have killed each other on that Florida vacation

Thanks for the laughs, Critical.

[fluff]

Originally Posted by Critical

Will the Paolos kill one of their own? ...and if they do, is that a time penalty? Let’s find out!


Foreshadowing is apparently too busy with the Schroeders, so the Bransens win their three games pretty quickly and are on their way to New Orleans.

Apparently, Foreshadowing is now their co-pilot.


As they drive across the bridge, Stassi muses about how this really isn’t fair since their family is from this area. Irony, party of four? Your table is ready.

The Weavers get into the car and the praying starts.

Great job, Critical.