Welcome back to the Little Show that Might Be. Upon further reflection after last week’s show, I think my enthusiasm last week was really more wishful thinking than not, and upon thinking about it, it really so far does not live up to Average Joe or Who Wants to Marry My Dad for hilarious cheesiness. Will it improve this week? I certainly hope so. It has all the potential, what with Crazy Insecure Mary crying all the time, Tessa’s Boobs The Size of a Small Dog and the natural dislike of 40-something women for girls half their age.
As you know and I’mjustsayingagainforanyonewho mighthavejusthappeneduponthesh ow, Age of Love features a group of 20-something women competing against 40-something women for the affections of Australian tennis star Mark something-or-other. Last week the 40s discovered the existence of the 20s, and were not happy. After a great deal of insecurity from Mary, some uncomfortable silences from all the 20s, and a sartorially-unwise roller derby with the 40s, Mark cut one woman from each age group, Angela and Lauren.
Tonight the rivalry will “heat up,” says the voiceover. Fingers crossed!
By “Date” I Mean “You’ll See the Waiter More Than Me”
W start on the 40th floor, where the 40s rage about the 20s being there at all. But they quickly regain their confidence, as Jayanna points out that the guy that wants those little girls isn’t going to want them, and vice versa.
The 20s, 20 floors below, also say that the 40s are going to think they know a lot more than the 20s do. Mary says if you want to grow old with someone, you’re going to choose someone who’s not already old. Someone says one of the 40s is older than her mom. Ouch!
Midgety host Mark C. (as in Consuelos, as in “married to Kelly Ripa”) comes to talk to Mark, and tells him that all the older women hugged Angela as she left, but no one cared about Lauren. Mark noticed that, and they take it as a sign that the mature women bonded better.
Today, Mark gets to pick two ladies to spend more time with. He chooses 40-something Kelli – who seems more “sexual,” she is, he says, and a lot of fun. He also says he’s “digging” Amanda because she seems “genuine” and “always smiling.” “I like to see a girl always smile,” Mark says. You know, my mother said if you see someone smiling at nothing, look behind them for the guys with the butterfly nets. Life is life, which means it sometimes sucks, and NO one is always smiling in an utterly honest way. So clearly Amanda is a big fakey-faker in some way that has not yet been revealed to us through the time-honored juxtaposition of on-camera interactions with others and private on-camera confessionals. But it’s only a matter of time.
Kelli thinks she’s getting an individual date. So does Amanda. Neither of them are, as they’re both going, but the producers have them ramble on about how wonderful it will be just to prolong the painfulness. Kelli says “alone time” is what she’s looking forward to,” while Amanda talks about a “one on one date.” And for the record, I oppose Kelli’s dress shorts with high heels.
They both get out of the limo and see each other, and their faces fall. Kelli recovers quickly, though, offering a sunny hi, which Amanda tries to ignore, until Kelli says hi again and Amanda is forced to respond, with a “hi” that sounds like she really wanted to say “die.”
Mark and Mark C. are at the front of the restaurant waiting. Mark C. explains that they’ll be sitting at different tables, while Mark will go back and forth, for 60 minutes. It’s up to them to get Mark to stay at their table as long as possible. Whomever he’s with at the end of the date gets a little bonus time.
Mark says he’s “got my seatbelt on and I’m ready.” Does he not understand the “run from table to table” aspect of this date?
I’m Going to Talk Till You Love Me
He starts out with Amanda, and offers her champagne, telling the waitress it’s a first-date special occasion. He stays for 7 minutes, feeling bad for Kelli, and then runs off.
Amanda says she knew “he’d have to spend a little time with her,” but seems to regard time with the 40-year-old as a duty. The champagne arrives in Mark’s absence.
Mark orders food with Kelli. Amanda can hear Mark and Kelli laughing, and calls it her “first oh-no moment.”
Kelli says she’s a good conversationalist, so she’ll keep him interested. At 37 minutes left, he goes back to Amanda; at 22 minutes left he returns to Kelli. She says you forget about hunger when you’re in an experiment like this. With Amanda, they talk about food – she says she had pizza and chocolate cake and ice cream, all yesterday. He seems surprised. So am I. If I ate like that, I sure wouldn’t look like her.
Meanwhile, Mark C. gathers the remaining women at the pool, and explains they’ll get group dates – dates chosen by the other group. So the 20s will decide what the 40s do on their date, and vice versa. Mark C. points out – totally unnecessarily, because you can already see the gears turning in the women’s heads, the 20s look ready to conduct a full-out Junior Debs-style initiation, complete with mayo in the hair – that this is a chance for each group to make it difficult for the others.
Back at the restaurant, with 7 minutes left, Mark is with Amanda. He tells us he wants to end on Amanda’s side, so he leaves but promises to come back. He’s with Kelli at the five minute mark. And Kelli is no fool. She starts an inquisition, asking if he’d ever date someone like her, telling him that she definitely wants kids although she knows it’s getting late in the game for that. Kelli is aiming to talk until the time is up, and the clock is ticking. Mark’s afraid it would be rude to look at his watch, while Kelli talks about getting her real estate license, her singing in Vegas, her tight-knit family. He’s trying to interrupt but she won’t shut up, and he’s down to a few seconds. She even picks something off his face as he tries to get up. The alarm goes off, and even though Mark tries to muffle it so Kelli won’t know, he’s stuck. Outmaneuvered, is more like it. It was obvious what she was trying to do, and equally obvious that he wanted to leave. I’ll give Kelli points for having outplayed Mark here, but … why go so far to keep hold of a man, even just for dessert, when he clearly wants to be gone?
Mark excuses himself to go walk Amanda to the limo. He explains to her that the alarm went off and she has to go. Waiting at the table, Kelli says she’s happy it’s her, says she feels bad that Amanda probably doesn’t feel great, but is more happy for herself. If she could see out the window she wouldn’t be; Mark gives Amanda a sweet kiss goodbye, and she’s now all giddy with the butterflies. She can’t stop smiling, she says.
Mark tells us the kiss meant something, that he’s not the type to just kiss one girl then another one. Does he understand the premise of the show?
He goes back in to Kelli, who has ordered dessert. She’s happy he “wanted to have dessert with me.” Is she really so clueless that she thinks he WANTED to stay with her, that she didn’t rope him into it by not shutting up? Does she not realize her dessert date is the result solely of Mark’s inability to be rude and interrupt her patter? Apparently not. “He chose the 40-something and that’s a huge score for our team,” Kelli says.
Jungle Gyms and Jealousy
Back in the 20s suite, they ask for a synonym for old, and someone says “decrepit.” One girl promises that on the group date, the 40s are “going to make us look dumber than we already look.”
They debate sending the 40s to the bingo hall. The 40’s also debate how to make the 20s girls look bad. And the result is, the 20s are sent on a playdate, while the 40s must go do water aerobics with the old folks.
The 20s arrive at their group date – at the “Under the Sea indoor playground.” Mark greets them inside, telling them the 40s thought it would be fun “if you guys acted a little more your age.” On cue, 20 screaming five-year-olds come running out of the play equipment and begin hanging off everyone. I hope the 20s realize this is their chance to show how well they handle kids and whether they can roll with the punches. Megan says all the kids took time away from being with mark, so “good job, 40s.”
Mark says he liked seeing Adelaide enjoy herself, “she was an absolute cutie.” Adelaide says it was nice to see how good Mark was with the kids.
Mary thinks she’d feel more sure of herself if she had some time with Mark, so she gets him aside, and spends it talking about her friends with kids. But in the middle of her sentence he walks off to join the kids’ game. She’s near tears.
By the by, who the hell lets a TV production crew interrupt their kid’s birthday party?
Mark says the 40’s planned it well. He asks Adelaide to ride home in the limo with him, which disappoints Tessa and her boobs, because she’s feeling like just one in a sea of women. Which, actually, she is. Did anyone actually find out what this show was going to be like before they signed on? Why are they all so surprised?
Mark’s dog is in the limo and he says he wanted to get to know Adelaide better, she seems “so genuine.” She raves about the kids. Smart girl. He kisses Adelaide goodnight, and she says she hasn’t felt that giddy feeling in a while. So much for not being the type of guy to kiss all the girls.
Back at the 20s apartment, Amanda is waiting. They tell her about the kids birthday party, but Amanda doesn’t seem pleased with Adelaide’s limo ride. If he’s more interested in Adelaide, she says, she’ll be hurt. Adelaide returns and tells everyone her alone time went well, and Amanda gets more nervous. She says Adelaide is competitive and that she isn’t looking forward to a fight but will try to hold her own.
Adelaide can see Amanda’s jealousy, and says Amanda thinks Mark likes her a lot but she knows she’s going to win.
Amanda the next day is still worrying about it, and asks Mary if Adelaide kissed him. Mary says she didn’t say. They also talk about why would Mark go for the 40s when there’s so much natural beauty in the 20s.
Pool Party, Geriatric-Style
The 40s go on their date, and while they think the 20s put them in bathing suits to make them look bad, they think they look good. Which they do – I hope I look like that when I’m 40. They’re also all wearing weird old-lady flowered bathing caps. They come into the pool screaming, and Mark says their vibe always lifts him up. Mark explains the 20s wanted them to interact with people their age, and points to a pool full of senior citizens preparing for a water aerobics class. The 40s women decide to just have fun with it, and spend the class splashing around, hanging off Mark, playing and just having a good time.
The 20s’ plan has failed in one way, at least, because Mark is seriously impressed with the way the 40s look in bikinis. “Some of them had bodies that would make some of these younger women pissed off. They’re in their 40s and they look incredible,” he says.
Mark adds that the 20s didn’t think the date through too much, because he had so much fun. He tells the 40s they make anything fun. He also asks Maria to ride back with him, because he wants to get to know her and see if there’s anything there. He invites her up to his apartment, where she quizzes him about what kind of women he’s attracted to.
But here things seem to go downhill. Maria says to us that while Mark is a lovely guy, she also notices he’s got his arms crossed, looking ahead, while she’s leaning in. When looking for a connection in this sort of situation, she says, all you have to go on is his body language. And his is saying “go away.” Mark kisses her goodbye on the cheek, and she tells us she doesn’t feel it and doesn’t want to waste anyone’s time. Ooh, is Maria going to leave?
A Change of Heart, Or Two
Everyone starts preparing for elimination time. Kelli’s worried she might have turned him off. Maria says the date was a blast, but she didn’t find a love connection, and tells Jayanna she might walk.
Mary in the 20s is still agonizing over whether she’ll be staying. Someone says “stop saying that Mary.” Which suggests she has said it a lot. Adelaide hasn’t packed because she’s not worried. Amanda is nervous.
The ladies all come down. Tessa has the boobs out. Jayanna is in some unfortunate long dress. Mark claims it’s about what he feels for a person, not ages. Maria is nervous about what she’s going to say about it not being a good fit.
He tells Tessa he saw a side of her with the kids that he really liked, so she stays. He tells Amanda their kiss was small but beautiful. She stays. He still wants to get to know Megan better, so stay. So it’s between Adelaide and Mary, so we all know what’s going to happen. Oh please, let Mary freak out. He tells Adelaide that he’s put himself out there, and a kiss can say a lot, and he didn’t feel from that kiss like she was giving him anything. So he doesn’t think it’ll work out. Wow, shocker! She’s gone! Although we should have known, as many clips of Adelaide saying she was confident as we saw. She tells us he was right about the kiss. She feels sad, because she feels like she wasn’t being honest with self about connection. She hugs the others and leaves. So Mary’s in. Insanity lives another week! Mark tells Mary they haven’t had a chance to talk, but he’d like to get to know her. She’s thrilled. And crazy.
Now it’s the 40s’ turn. Jen stays after telling him she’s starting to have feelings for him.
Maria is called next. Again, the editing has me anticipating drama that does not pan out. Mark says he had a lot of fun today, and would like to see what she’ll be “rocking” next. He doesn’t think it was a struggle to make conversation or make something happen. We have to endure a commercial involving silly string before we see whether Maria actually turns him down or not. Back in the show, she says “wow,” and says that before she stepped up there, she felt that she couldn’t stay. Mark, looking surprised, tells her she has to go with her feelings. But Maria does a 180, telling him that she needs to feel he’s really present, and if he can do that for her, she’d like to stay. All the 40s, who were counting on Maria walking out, look shocked.
Mark says that’s an awakening and he understands he has to step up. Maria says she can throw men off because “they want to put me in a box.” “I’m definitely crazy, ok? I am crazy,” she adds. Wow. Have I misjudged the insanity level of these ladies? Have I been ragging on Mary and not realizing we had another kook in our midst? I believe I have. Yay, Maria’s nuts! Keep her!
Jayanna steps down, in that godawful dress. He tells her she keeps getting funnier and makes him feel like a little kid. That’s not a good thing, honey. She asks if he feels a connection with people here and he says yes, including with her. So she stays.
Kelli and Lynne are the only ones left, and they know one is going home. I personally was betting on Kelli to go, after her non-stop-talking at the restaurant. But Mark tells her he’s comfortable with her and wants to get to know her better. So Lynne’s out. Poor Lynne, we hardly knew ye. At all. Pretty dress, though. Mark says they haven’t spent much time together and she’s shy and he feels like this experience is something she’s not comfortable with and she seems uncomfortable showing him who she really is. Too bad, because she’s very cute.
Lynne tells us would have liked a one-on-one with Mark, just to find out if there could be anything there. She says her grandmother tells her all the time that she prays to God every day to let her live long enough to see Lynne get married. Crying, Lynne says she hopes grandma gets her dream. What the hell kind of grandmother would lay such a guilt trip on anyone? And what’s wrong with Lynne that she has bought into it? Not everyone has to get married, kids. Grandma needs to lay off.
I Predict Lots of Fighting Over Bathroom Time
Anyway, Mark C. has one last surprise for the ladies. He says the competition is going to get “a little closer to home,” as the remaining 20s are going to move into the 40s’ suite. And they have 15 minutes to do so.
Now, we can all see the disaster this is going to be, as no one from either of these groups really wants anything to do with the others. It was going to start getting catty anyway, and this will just compound that. Which is awesome, because no one watches silly reality dating shows to watch people be pleasant to each other. I want a brawl! And I might get one from Jayanna – her response is, “It’s our *bleeping* house, and they’re going to respect it, and it’s going to be our way or the highway, *bleeps*.” Wow. Pottymouth much?
Anyway, so, come back next week, when hopefully someone will get thrown out a window or something!