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Thread: Episode 1 Recap - Get Rich or Die Trying

  1. #11
    Premium Member dagwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phat32
    (She seems like a nice enough girl for the moment, so I will refrain from the obvious "attracted to bright, shiny objects" gag.)

    No doubt, Phillip is thinking he can now afford to smoke real pot rather than his mother's oregano.

    Unless your ZIP code falls in Fallujah, there is simply no justification whatsoever for why anyone would even need a Hummvee.

    Loved it, Phat.

    I can think of one justification for owning a Hummvee....you want to be seen driving an ugly monstrosity that guzzles gas like it is water.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

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  2. #12
    Courtesy and Goodwill Mantenna's Avatar
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    Oh my gosh! Daddy Phat, I maintain that you are a comedic genius, and I was nearly falling off the chair from laughing so hard. In the first few lines. Brilliant job . . . a simply stunning (re-)debut. *SHAZAM!*

    I didn't quote all the funny parts, because it truly would have been the whole thing. But here are some of my favorites:

    Quote Originally Posted by phat32
    We get it. We heard it all less than five minutes ago. I mean, who does NBC think is the target audience for this show? The guy from Memento?

    (This is Hollywood Squares, paging Mr. Gray? Your center square is ready.)

    Sure, mom. Other than the total lack of spaceships, laser swords, aliens, outer space, and magic ninja tricks, it's exactly like Star Wars.

    No doubt, Phillip is thinking he can now afford to smoke real pot rather than his mother's oregano.

    Here's to hoping that "something happens in their backyard!" or "something lands on their roof!" I'd like to see interpretive dances under those circumstances, too.

    The viewers watched the plane ascend as a piercing scream could be heard in the background. Throw in unruly children and pretzels wedged between the seats, and the producers of this show could have re-created the last flight I took on Southwest Airlines.

    Well, Dad, if by "these people," you mean the hyper-wealthy, I've always been led to believe the mega-rich traveled in hovercrafts powered by the broken dreams of Chinese orphans (or so they say on the Discovery Channel).

    Our first view of the resort comes from the reception area--it's the epitome of opulence: crystal chandeliers, tiled floors, rich watercolors...and statues of rams. Because, baby, nothing--and I mean nothing--speaks class like big honkin' statues of rams.

    Something interesting here: While Brother Matthew's Superman T-shirt was blurred out, Brother Paul's Captain America T-shirt is clearly visible. Why this is, who knows.

    (But to my Sears Tower group from FORTcon, I say--They wouldn’t dare blur out…”SHAZAM!”)

    Now, if there is one car in the United States that is the epitome of conspicuous consumption, it's the Hummvee. You don't need a Hummvee. No, uh-uh, ssshhh...no. You can't justify it. Unless your ZIP code falls in Fallujah, there is simply no justification whatsoever for why anyone would even need a Hummvee.

    You just don't hear the following: "You'll never guess what happened to me today, hon! I was driving to Starbucks for a coffee when wham! I got hit by an RPG! Good thing the H2 held up, or I would have been toast!"
    Last edited by Mantenna; 11-11-2004 at 03:26 AM.

  3. #13
    FORT Fogey
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    At last! The long anticipated phat-cap!

    I've been looking forward to this for soooooooooo long! Great job phat! Can't wait for the next crap-tacular episode, so I can read another phat-tacular phat-cap!

    phat

  4. #14
    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    Unless your ZIP code falls in Fallujah, there is simply no justification whatsoever for why anyone would even need a Hummvee.
    Great recap, Phat32 <--I made sure to add the "32". Maybe we should call you David Copperfield because you pulled some serious magic taking a crappy show and making it hilarious!
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

  5. #15
    FORT Regular Teeny's Avatar
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    I had been seriously considering dumping this show from my weekly repetoire of reality TV shows. But no. With this re-cap, my faith is renewed. I look forward to the next re-cap, Phat32!
    Too many funnies to quote!

  6. #16
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    Phat32,
    You knocked it out of the park. I can hardly believe you could turn such an often painful show into sidesplittingly funny material. I'm going to watch the next episode just so I can guess what you are going to say about it.

  7. #17
    eny
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    Quote Originally Posted by superphat
    Because, baby, nothing--and I mean nothing--speaks class like big honkin' statues of rams.
    So you've been to my in-laws house have you?

    How can a show about spending a whole pile of money be so bad? Good thing you're on the job phat.

  8. #18
    JR.
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    Drummer / Model JR.'s Avatar
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    Funny stuff Good to have you back phat!

    Ha, I said "back phat". I kill me.

  9. #19
    Host of TItanic. chrisdevine's Avatar
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    her family is going to be so mad!!
    Interested in Titanic the game? click the link and watch this completely origional game play out. click here

  10. #20
    Combat Missions Fan Wolf's Avatar
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    OMG, the entire recap is hysterical. Phat, you are a comedic genius.
    So many lines to quote, but since almost everyone has already quoted, I'll stick to these ones.
    Quote Originally Posted by phat32
    But to my Sears Tower group from FORTcon, I say--They wouldn’t dare blur out…”SHAZAM!”)
    Not unless NBC want that Shazam fan we met on the train to be picketing outside their offices.

    Quote Originally Posted by phat32
    Let me tell you something: That commercial break between Chrissy's breakdown and her decision was the longest five minutes of my life. I walked outside and stared into the night sky and just wondered what it was all about, man--just what is it all about?

    I asked my significant other to join hands with me, and we bowed our heads in prayer. I returned to my couch and watched. I didn't even realize I'd been holding my breath and biting the inside of my cheek.

    Chrissy agrees to continue, and I leap out of the couch like my team has just scored an 80-yard, game-winning touchdown with 12 seconds to go. (She agrees! Huzzah!)
    We would've all be shattered if Chrissy had decided not to continue on with the show.

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